honestly, I would say pick a homeless person out on the street that looks like he/she needs a good meal and go buy them a nice xmas dinner

its actually an old joke......... although I think it would be fun too try some day

Mr. Rogers beat Sesame Street out in m younger days

As part of the "funeral package," an undertaker provided a seven word notice in the local paper that served as the obituary. A frugal woman from deep in the hills who was making the arrangements for her recently deceased husband was asked what she'd like to say in the paper. She pondered this for a time, then said, "John is dead."
The undertaker, after a short pause, reminded her that seven words had been paid for, so she could use them all.
The woman thought about this a bit more, then with a very serious expression said, "John is dead. Pickup truck for sale."

last one

A truck driver was tooling down the highway one afternoon and heard a "pop." Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he steered the rig onto the shoulder and walked back to check his tires. There he found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out.
The genie said, "Man, I'm too old for this! You get one wish -- not three -- just one."
The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, "It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble."
The genie said, "Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can't you come up with something simpler?"
The driver replied, "How about if you make my blonde wife as smart as a brunette?"
The genie shook his head vigorously and answered, "How wide would you like those bridges?"

A truck driver was eating his lunch at a road side diner one day when a bunch of bikers pulled in. The bikers started harassing all the
customers. The truck driver found himself with a biker on each side of him. One reached over and took some fries off his plate while the other one ate his apple pie. The driver was just about to drink his coffee when one of the bikers put a cigarette butt in his cup.
The driver didn't say anything. He just walked over to the cash register, paid his bill and left a tip for the waitress.
One of the bikers said to the waitress "That truck driver wasn't much of a man. He just took all that and never said a word".
The waitress said "He's not much of a truck driver either. He just drove right over 10 motorcycles".

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket, so I called him a pencil-necked nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires! So I called him a piece of horsecrap.
He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 5 minutes - the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
But I didn't care. My car was parked legaly around the corner.

its not only wrong............IT IS STUPID

im bored, so i need something too do

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver.

He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.

He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde to stand in the circle and not move.

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.

When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this."

He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.

When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad.

He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.

Now she's laughing.

The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.

He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" The truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle 4 times."

One day an old man sat down on a bench and across the street he saw a little boy sitting on the curb.

The old man sat and watched him and saw that he was holding a cat by the tail and had candy in his hand.

Every few minutes, the little boy would pop a few pieces of candy in his mouth, bite the cat on the tail, and scoot down a little bit.

After the man watched the little boy for a few minutes he walked over and asked the little boy what he was doing.

The little boy replied, "I'm playing truck driver!" "Playing truck driver?" the man asked.

"Yeah, I'm popping pills, eating *****, and moving on down the line!"

A gynecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with truck engines, so he enrolled in a school for truck mechanics. When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a truck engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.

The gynecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%. "How could that be?" he asked.

"Well," said the instructor, "I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe."

This truck driver sits down in a diner and orders dinner. When the waitress brings his plate, he notices that she has got her thumb in his mashed potatoes. He says, "Hey, you've got your thumb in my mashed potatoes."

The waitress replies, "The doctor said I have arthritis and I should keep my thumb warm." The truck driver says, "Well you dumb *****, why don't you stick your thumb up your ass!" She says, "I do when I'm in the kitchen......"

might as well be xmas stuck in friggin CA fuel is 3.91 a gal. so yeah BAH HUMBUG

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying 'Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him. "You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?"

"I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling."

"Okay, truck drivers are not nerds," he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.

"Why did you do that?"

"Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, killing several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.

"What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.

"Well, sure," says the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."

A trucker driving along on the freeway notices a road sign in the distance that reads 'Low Bridge Ahead.'

Sure enough, the trucker gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police officer arrives at the scene. The cop gets out of his cruiser and walks around to the truck driver. He puts his hands on his hips and remarks, "Looks like you got stuck, huh?"

The trucker replies sarcastically, "No, officer, actually I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas!"

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road."

But the priest said, "Don't worry, son. I got him with my door."

bah humbug

I deactivated cause there was too much teenage drama, and the fact that people get banned for sticking up for the other people of this board