Years passed since my sea was wild and I had no direction to my path.
I was just peddling with my feet in the wild, open waters not knowing how I would end up.
Waiting for a shark to separate my legs from my middle, or for a dolphin to save me.
All I know was that I had dreams and desires. Dreams and desires with no concrete plans to fullfill them.
I was struggling with my identity in the same way that Pinocchio, the wooden little puppet, wanted to be a real boy. Only it was the opposite that I wanted, for me.
I cannot count how many times I watched that Disney movie over and over again, as a little child.
Pinocchio gave me a message of hope. That one little sparkle that I needed to continue living.
Like the fairy changed Pinocchio into a real boy, every night 5 year old little me was hoping that there was a fairy who could change me into a little girl. A wooden girl was okay if it had to be. But preferably one of flesh and blood.
I saved all my calf’s teeth for the good little fairy with her shiny blonde hair and her glittering blue prom dress.
But my calf’s teeth kept accumulating under my pillow and times to believe in the little fairy faded away.
I did my communion, 12 year old greedy me did it more for the money than out of faith. I went to high school, where pubertal kids going through development started forming crowds. Where kids at an unthinking age picked up on differences in other kids. Where children of that age try to find your weak Achilles spot, to use it against you.
The first years I was that intellectual, nerdy, weirdo who we could ask to do all the work when it’s actually a groups work. I focussed as hard as I could on studying. On obtaining good grades. It was a wonderful distraction. It was the only thing that people admired in that effeminate weirdo who they couldn’t seem to figure out.
Slowly I started to develop social skills. Slowly I learned how to talk to other people without turning red like an apple.
I discovered that I had talents, a sense of dry humor that could make people fall of their chair. During the last years of high school something wonderful happened that I didn’t know I was capable of : people started to invite me to their birthday parties, people actually started to form friendships with me. I was no longer that ignored third wheel type. I discovered that my own behavior was the reason that I was ignored all these years. That it was not predestined. That my shyness made people uncomfortable and the more that I would let down the walls that I built around myself, the more people would acknowledge me as a valuable part of society and of their friend circle.
After all these years I started to let my inner self out more and more. My personality went through a change. Society was modernising, more and more success stories of all kinds of people from all layers in society were to be found on the internet, the name Caitlyn Jenner became living room jargon with the increasing popularity of the Kardashian clan. The world went through a fast wave of changes in acceptance of people who diverged from the standard. Slowly I began to realise that if I was able to overcome all those other obstacles in my life by believing in the potency of changing my mindset first - If I was able to do that all by myself - why couldn’t this work? Why couldn’t I change my negative mindset fueled by fear of what others would think about me, into a positive mindset fueled by confidence in your own power to achieve changes? I could do it. The more I started realising that my mindset changed from “ I could do it “ to “ I have to do it “ . No one promises you a tommorrow. Only a today. So what are you actually waiting for?
There is never a right moment. No one will do it in your place. That’s how I realised the valuable life lesson that I learned and that I want to share with others : The fairy with her magic wand will not come, because she’s there already but you didn’t want to see her. She has been there all along. You are that fairy. You have to be your own fairy to change what you want to change. And your magic wand is your ability to believe in overcoming your fears and following the inner wake-up call that drives you towards a change.
And that’s how my own magic wand with me as the fairy to operate it, changed an effeminate,nerdy weirdo without friends into a talented, happy, balanced young woman who is able to maintain friendships. Who is able to speak her mind and share her feelings, instead of bottling them up. Someone with a future.
And the sea I was floating on? The storms and the wild waves died down and the sea was navigable again, for the first time in as long as I can remember. I still surf on that same surfboard and I haven’t looked back ever since.
The power to transform what we want to transform, to change what we believe cannot be changed, comes through by allowing you to feel what you feel and to realise that we have control over how to handle these feelings.

Elissa W.

” What can I sell to earn a bit of money “ was my first thought this morning haha.

Memorizing literature about institutional legislation and administrative legislation.

Elissa.

Pretty girl. You don’t have anything to worry about. Guys will queue up for you.
My self-confidence sinks through the floor when I see how big your breasts are. Mine are only 1/2 or so of yours.

I think she is going to send you to a McDonalds Drive In to get her some snacks. I’m pretty sure the tasks don’t include cleaning.
Good luck with your mistress and her buddies.
Let us know how it went.

Glad I’m not the only one who notices the change in the single guys their behavior.
I understand what you mean when you say “ a few dates of him just being charming “ .
I don’t want to bind myself to someone so quickly either. I prefer keeping my options open. I know myself : once the novelty of the dating partner wears off, I start to look around again. I always have this problem. I can’t count my blesses when staying with one person. After a few days I miss the adventure that comes with being single.
Guys these days - don’t know if it’s also that way with guys your age - want to know who is texting you, why you are taking so long to answer, why you are not looking happy when you are on a date with them, why you were talking to the guy from the table next to you in the restaurant, they start immediately wanting sex, ask your taste in furniture ( really happened ) as if we are going to live together or something.
One guy even told me that he didn’t like that I would still be studying for 4 more years. As if I was going to change my life choices for a person I barely knew 3 weeks.
I hate all the presumptions that come with dating. All the expectations. I wish there was something like cuddle buddies or so. Like friends with benefits but without the sex. Sex is too exhausting after a while. Cuddling gives you energy. But guys always want sex.

Sometimes I just want you to be there for me. You always expect me to be strong but strong people sometimes also want to be weak for a moment, feeling your arms around me and holding me thightly while not pushing me to bottle my emotions up.

To be honest, I feel relieved that you tell me this.

I have often also felt that things around me changed while I stayed the same.
People changing, society changing but me staying the same.
I have also often thought about if reality changed at a given time.
I’m glad that you tell me this and are open enough to speak about it.
Last year I had a big episode of this feeling where the world changed but not me.
Thanks for sharing.
I am not investigating my experiences any further because I’m content with my life and believe everything happens for a reason.

Elissa.

I don’t enjoy loud evenings out at all.
I prefer a cosy evening in a romantic setting without all the noisy remix music and tons of people dancing around you and yelling loudly.

I enjoy peace and quiet but I don’t like being alone. Rather enjoy some interesting companionship and have a talk on a deeper, emotional level. I love having philosophical discussions with other people.

Thing is : at 22 most people my age would rather go party loudly and do noisy things.
My parents and other people never understand why I don’t like that kind of activities.
It’s almost seen as an “ ilness “ that I prefer quiet evenings in a romantic setting at my age.
Many people tell me : “ you are not a retired person yet “ as a critic on my preferences to spend my free time quietly.
I just don’t enjoy noisy things at all. Can’t help that.

How is it for you?
How old are you and what do you like to do in your free time? Would you classify yourself rather as quiet or active?
Have your preferences about how to spend your free time changed over the years or have you always been a quiet or active person?

What is your opinion about young people spending their free time in peace and quiet?

Asexual, hetero-romantic.

Asexual situations may be caused by hormonal disturbances. Low testosterone is common in middle-aged men.
Depression can also affect libido significantly. Anti-depressants mess with hormones too. They raise prolactin and decrease testosterone.
I would in your case consult with a general physician and ask to be refered to an endocrinologist for a full check-up.

Unbreak my heart.
Can’t get enough of that song!

In case of your mother I can understand it better than in case of my friend.

Your mother had to let her child go. Worst that can happen to someone.
My grandmother lost all zest for life as well after my mother’s brother died. When she had lung cancer she wasn’t even scared to die anymore because of what happened to her son a few years earlier.

Your mother is also very elderly probably and in that case I can understand that she is not able to surmount her depression.

But I definitely understand your refusal to help her go.
You don’t want to live with that responsibility which is 100% understandable.

I still cannot accept euthanasia in case of mental suffering but in your mother’s case I can understand it easier than in my friend’s case who was a healthy 23 year old girl with an entire life in front of her who now left behind 2 parents, her 2 brothers and her grandparents on mother’s side.
I can’t understand how any doctor had the will to switch off the light of such a young kid permanently.

Of course euthanasia in case of your brother would have been understandable. He was in endless physical suffering. That is completely different than ending someone’s life because of mental suffering.

Has your mother had the chance to meet other elderly who lost a child?
Is she on antidepressants and has she had therapy for her grief?
How old is she if I may ask?

Elissa

See, that’s what I mean.
I can understand the decision to administer a lethal injection in case of endless physical suffering, but not in case of endless psychic suffering. And definitely not to someone as young as her with her 23 years old. Maybe she would have found peace with life as she aged. So many 20 something people are depressed and find peace with life in their early to mid-30s or even 40s.

Elissa.

A friend from childhood had euthanasia in August last year. She was 23. Turned 23 in July and had her injection two weeks later.

She was depressed since many years. Ever since childhood she was always unhappy. She had a mild form of autism so communication with others went more difficult for her.

Her father is a pharmacist, her mother comes from a very well off bourgeoisie family.

She had been planning her euthanasia ever since she was 20 but I never thought she would ever be approved for it since here in Belgium multiple doctors have to agree that there is no other relief than euthanasia for said patient and you are evaluated by psychiatrists,...

She was very intelligent. Had the highest grades at university. She was studying medicine.

She had been admitted to psychiatric wards quite a few times but got discharged every time after a few days or a few weeks.

She was exceptionally attractive physically. But could almost never manage to smile once.

So many questions go through my head still after a year.

I’m shocked that someone barely a year older than me, was given permission to turn the light off forever.
In case of a terminal cancer I could have understand it.
But not in this case.

I wonder if she would eventually have found happiness given more time and more maturity.
Maybe after finding love, maybe after having kids.
I find it very hard to process.

I don’t understand how her parents have not tried to stop her euthanasia.

I don’t understand why experienced doctors have assisted someone so young to put a permanent end to everything.

As a law student it frightens me that the life of a person is not better protected than this.
There are so many laws when it comes to taxes but barely any law to protect the lives of young people.

It still hurts that she passed away this way.

I wonder what random people think about euthanasia in case of mental problems.

Can you yourself find yourself in the decision to euthanasize someone with psychic pain?
I personally can understand euthanasia in case of a terminal physical ilness like metastasized cancer but I have it very difficult to understand euthanasia in case of psychic suffer, especially when administered to people so young.

Is euthanasia in the US protected severely? Does it depend from state to state?

Palliative sedation is often administered as an alternative to euthanasia in Belgium, for people who suffer immensely physically.
Is palliative sedation also common in the US?

If you are against euthanasia, do you make a distinction between administering it in case of endless physical suffering but not in case of administering it for endless psychic suffering or are you against both?

If you are in favor of administering euthanasia in case of endless psychic suffering, can you motivate why and may I ask if you believe that a minimum age ( adult of course ) should apply? Like, at least being 40 years old etc?

Have you yourself known someone who got euthanasized?
Did you support the decision?

If you were a parent and your child was suffering psychically and at one point they think about euthanasia, would you think about supporting them?

Thanks for your insight.
This is a very sensitive subject to me. Because I’m shocked that euthanasia in case of psychic suffering is even possible. No matter how you turn it, euthanasia is turning the lights off forever and I believe that there should have been tried every other solution before resorting to this extremely drastic one.

Elissa.

If I will ever achieve my oh so desired law degree.
Had good grades this year but need to do 4 more.
I’m already 22.
Will be 26 when I graduate. I wonder often if that’s not too old to start working.
Elissa.

Good luck.
May Cupido be with you.
Welcome.
Elissa.

Love is like the stock market.
The value of its assets go down as you meet bad people in your life, but the value of its assets goes up as you meet good people in your life.

8 out of 10 for the pictures. Handsome guy.

However, you have no information in your “ about me “.
You might want to tell people a little more about yourself, your hobbies, your job,...

Elissa.

If you can’t add days to your life, add life to the days instead.
- Elissa W

I know but I have boob greed and my doctor isn’t really helpful, she just prescribes and does a blood test occassionally but she doesn’t really care. All she parrots is that too much estrogen will cause breast cancer
But thanks for being concerned