hehe, beat me to this one by a minute, seems we think alike

I've lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you tonight?

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can see myself in your pants.

My ex was like that, she wanted me to do everything for her. It really got old after a while.

I've dated big girls and thin girls, and personally, I prefer bigger women. Maybe it's because i'm a pretty big guy myself and feel kind of uncomfortable with a small girl..feel like I might break her or something

I love to cook, I can make a great fetuccini alfredo, I'm great with twice baked potatoes, and have been told my sausage gravy is excellent

O Brother, Where Art Thou

We Were Soldiers

31 here and feeling every minute of it..

31 here and feeling every minute of it..

A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn't seem to get enough lovin'. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. After supper, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their 'nooner': it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn't getting enough work done.
Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do. 'Homer,' said the doctor, 'just take your rifle out to the fields with you and when you're in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene's signal to come out to you. Then you won't lose any field time.'
They tried Doc's advice and it worked well for a while until one day when Homer came back to the doctor's office. 'What's wrong?' asked the Doc.
'Didn't my idea work?'
'Oh, it worked good,' said Homer. 'whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene'd come runnin'. We'd fina a secluded place, make love, and then she'd go back home again.' 'Good, Homer.
So what's the problem?' asked the Doc.
'Ah mighta trained her too good. I ain't seen her since huntin' season started'

yep, hang in there, I had the same problem at 18, didn't find someone I was really happy with until i was 20. Granted, it didn't work forever, but it did for quite a while.

An elf a human and a half orc walk into a bar, the dwarf walks under.

defenestrate : v. : to throw out a window.

Rather than toss his garbage in a trash can, Bobby prefered to defenestrate it.

Also, make sure that in your doomsday device, you should use nothing but red wires..everybody knows you always cut the red one.

It looks real to me.

good luck from me as well, hope you guys do great together!

Three nuns died in a tragic car accident, and found themselves standing in line to get into heaven. The first nun steps up to the gates, and St. Peter says, "You must answer one question before you are allowed to enter. Who was the first man on Earth?" The nun quickly replies, "That's easy, it was Adam." Bells ring, lights flash, the gates open and she proceeds into heaven.

The second nun steps up, and St. Peter says, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She responds just as quickly, "Simple, it was Eve." Bells ring, lights flash, the gates open and she proceeds into heaven.

The third nun steps up, and St. Peter says, "What was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?" The nun thinks and thinks, and after many long minutes, she says, "Wow, that's a hard one." Bells ring, lights flash, the gates open and she proceeds into heaven.

Awesome, hope you had a great time, I love Niagara, that's where my picture was taken

In a garage

thighs

in