Dear Diary,
I think I have a new penpal. Her name is Lujilin. She lives only 8460 miles away. Do you think tht is too close for a long distance friend? She says on her profile, "i m a teacher, i good at teach student, haha:)

Ghost Angels

Watching her and eyes that see right through me.
She smiles and once again I am lost in her serenity.
I look at the deep bruises on her jaw contemplating
How can she rest so peaceably and be so placating.
With soft sounds and whispers of winded flutes
My mind whirlwinds and thought does parachutes
Of how when she was young she was different
Than the aged woman who just lies indifferent
To the agonizing pain of her twisted predicament.
And I shout to the void and for it stands unheard
While the bell tolls on her clock like little birds
But no one comes to answer for my call is mute
As I turn her to see her little smile that is cute.
And the demons do not rejoice but they are still
For ghost angels answer my call on forgotten hill.

Dear Diary,
So far I have answered 3,393 questions for OKCupid but the site hasn't accepted one of my questions. You would think that atleast one of my questions would be valid. I really like the 1450 points I have been given for answering surveys even though I have no idea what I am supposed to do with the points.

Something Magic Happens

Something magic happens when I look into your eyes.
Every time I get close to you I feel like I am hypnotized.
Overpowering sensation that comes I can't hypothesize.
I am become lost in your sensuality and am mesmerized.

I Have A Friend Who Has Lupus

I have this wonderful friend I know who has lupus.

When I screw up she makes me feel like a doofus.

She holds onto life by sheer will with much pain.

She always lets me know when its going to rain.

I try to straighten up her twisted legs once again.

Tears in my eyes I ask how do I do that my friend.

Slowly she explains how to do the impossible deed.

When she is not *****ing at me she is a friend indeed.

"Let what you love be what you do." I really liked this one.

If God Was An Athiest

If God was an Atheist and lost all hope
Would you just tell him to see the Pope?
Would you tell him to believe in divinity
So he could have some form of serenity?
Would you listen to all his pet peeves
And be there till hes better and leaves?
Would you tell him just to believe again
Or could you be just an invisible friend?

Thank you. I am glad you enjoyed them.

Jalalu'ddin Rumi, usually referred to by his last name alone, is on his way to becoming a household name. Publishers Weekly magazine called him the best-selling poet in America. Amazon.com lists 173 Rumi titles in books, tapes, CDs, and videos, by everyone from Persian musicians and American scholars to New Age gurus like Deepak Chopra. Madonna has recorded one of his poems, and a character on the ABC television series "Providence" quoted him in an episode.

America, it seems, has a bad case of "Rumi-mania."
The Internet search organ Lycos lists 162 websites that contain some reference to him--everything from concert listings to calligraphy, Rumi-inspired art to a program in self-esteem based on his poems. In the last four months, there have been five international Rumi festivals held everywhere from the poet's home in Konya, Turkey, to Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

Who was this Rumi? And why is he, a man who lived and died in a culture so far removed from ours in time and temperament, so well-known and loved?

"People have dreams of Rumi, visions of Rumi, they feel him, they sense him," said Shahram Shiva, a Persian who translates and performs Rumi's poems. "He is accessible. He is almost eager to reach out to people, to touch people, to help them, to uplift them. This is not just a case of beautiful words on paper. It is a case of the cosmic force of this man who lived 800 years ago now living in this world in some subtle form, just as a saint or a prophet would."

Jalalu'ddin Rumi was born in 1207 in Afghanistan. His father, part of the mystical Sufi branch of Islam, brought his family to Turkey to escape invading Mongols. Rumi grew up to become a religious scholar, eventually taking over his father's position as sheikh, or head, of an Islamic learning community.

His life seemed to be pretty routine for a Turkish theologian until 1244. Then, in the streets of Konya, he met a mystic, Shams al-Din ("Sun of Religion") of Tabriz. The two men became inseparable, sharing a mystical conversation that went on for months, through all hours of the day and night. The mysterious Shams became a kind of spiritual mentor to Rumi, leading him to contemplate places in his soul he had never looked into before.
After his initial meeting with Shams, Rumi became a mystic, cupping one hand around a pillar in his mosque, speaking in poetry as he turned and turned. His followers wrote down his poems--and copied his movements, which today survive in the Mevlevi order of "whirling dervishes" they eventually founded.

Rumi made his way to this country in the 1960s when a generation looked far outside the United States for spiritual sustenance. What readers found were poems of high emotion, many of which described an almost passionate love of the divine. Here is Rumi on being a lover:

In the early morning hour,
Just before dawn, lover and beloved wake
And take a drink of water.
She asks, "Do you love me or yourself more?
Really, tell the absolute truth."
He says, "There is nothing left of me.
I'm like a ruby held up to the sunrise.
Is it still a stone, or a world
Made of redness? It has no resistance to sunlight."
This is how Hallaj said, I am God,
And told the truth!
The ruby and the sunrise are one.

In the Muslim world, Rumi is venerated as the greatest of poets. Dr. James Fadiman, co-author of "The Essential Sufism" (Harper San Francisco), says the beauty of Rumi's poetry, read in his native Persian, has been compared with the beauty of the Qur'an read in its original Arabic.

"That is as high praise as you can make for a piece of literature," Dr. Fadiman said. "Rumi is one of the great poets of the world, as Shakespeare is one of the great playwrights, as Dante is one of the great narrators."

One reason Rumi has become and remained so popular is that his poetry seems to fit itself easily to the varied needs and experiences of an entire spectrum of readers. A couple could read the preceding poem together and see their passion reflected in Rumi's words, while seekers after spiritual meaning could find in it a description of their own passion for God.

"Rumi is not writing these esoteric poems, but he is writing about the human condition," Dr. Fadiman said. "He is saying you can use the world to describe the higher world. You are just a drop in the ocean, but inside that drop is all of the universe. The divine is totally in you and in everything else."
Dr. Fadiman further sums up Rumi's American popularity in two words: Coleman Barks, translator of the preceding poem.

"The secret of Rumi's popularity in the U.S. is Coleman Barks," he said. "There are lots of other translators now--at least six or 10 of them. Many of them have flashes of brilliance, but Coleman is consistently moving."

Mr. Barks, a published poet in his own right, does not craft his own translations from the original Persian, but starts with existing English translations and reworks them. His "The Essential Rumi" (HarperSanFrancisco, 1995) has sold hundreds of thousands of copies, more than twice any other title in the publisher's "Essential" series, including "The Essential Jesus" and "The Essential Kabbalah." A new Barks collection, entitled "The Soul of Rumi," will be published by HarperSanFrancisco in September.

A native of Athens, Georgia, Mr. Barks was inspired to tackle Rumi when Robert Bly handed him a book of older translations and said "these poems need to be released from their cages." Barks credits the poet's appeal to the fact that his approach to religion was universal. Rumi was a Muslim, but "He said there are no boundaries between religions," says Barks. "And he said it with such authority and gentleness in 13th century Anatolia while the Crusades were sweeping through. And he still seems to be uniting people. Where they meet is where the heart is."

Here is one of Rumi's poems on the subject:



Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,
Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion

or cultural system. I am not from the East
or the West, nor out of the ocean or up

from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not
composed of elements at all. I do not exist,

am not an entity in this world or the next,
did not descend from Adam or Eve or any

origin story. My place is placeless, a trace
of the traceless. Neither body nor soul.

Mr. Barks gives readings of Rumi around the world. Last year, he went to Turkey to attend an international Rumi festival commemorating the poet's death.
Shahram Shiva, too, has spent years translating and performing Rumi's works at concerts from New York City to La Jolla, Calif. At his events, Mr. Shiva says the average attendee is a 35- to 40-year-old white woman.

"And she is a Christian," Mr. Shiva added. "Our eyes are opening and we are realizing that organized religion has many shortcomings. Organized religion has nothing to do with God--it gives you a package deal that tells you what to believe. But what people are learning is that...they want that something more."

Rumi, Shiva continued, shows them that "something more." He has asked his concert-goers to write down why they like Rumi and has posted the 12 most frequent responses on his website, www.Rumi.net. Respondents describe Rumi as everything from their "friend" to their "spiritual guide." And that, Mr. Shams says, makes Rumi part of the whole self-help movement that has dominated the American culture for the last decade.

Shiva also reports that some Arab-Americans in his audiences have told him they think Rumi helps form a bridge of understanding between them and their American neighbors who also read his poems. "Some Muslims feel they get a bad rap (in the United States)," he said. "But through Rumi, some Muslims feel they have found a new acceptance in the U.S."

As gratifying as it is to see Rumi so beloved, his fans say they worry he might become overexposed. Dr. Fadiman calls the current flood of Rumi products "the Rumi industry." "I often joke that I am just waiting to see the cookbook and the exercise video," he said. Lonny Fields, an organizer of the Rumi festival held at California State University at San Bernardino this past October, agrees that America is in the midst of "the commercialization of Rumi."

"But I think, ultimately, Rumi will be beyond that," he said.

As for Barks, he thinks part of Rumi's staying power is largely due to the religious mystery and ecstasy Rumi describes--two qualities most modern organized religions lack, Mr. Barks said.

"Rumi is all about the opening of the heart, which I think people are interested in as a way of getting out of the God clubs and into the more universal feeling of the sacred," he said. "Rumi says the sacred space is everywhere and the text is your own life, rather than the sacred is...exclusive."

You know you've touched a lot of lives when your 800th birthday is celebrated around the world. Sufi poet Mevlana Jellaluddin--best known as Rumi--is beloved by people of many faiths for his ecstatic, almost infatuated devotion to God. His eloquent longing seems to get at the very heart of love. Born September 30, 1207, the spiritual poet's global popularity has inspired the United Nations agency UNESCO to deem 2007 "The Year of Rumi."
"Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along"
"We are born with wings. Why prefer to
crawl through life?"
"Let what you love be what you do."
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and
rightdoing, there is a field.
I'll meet you there."
"Let yourself be silently drawn by the
stronger pull of what you really love."

Have you ever argued with the check out person? Went to the store and the sign said, "DVDS two for five dollars." Thought cool deal so I take them to the check out lady and told her even though the label says five dollars a piece that the sign says two for five dollars. So she scans the dvds and it rings up five dollars a piece. She then asks me if I still want them. For two for five dollars I do.

Dear Diary,
I just got to get a cell phone. Last day off last week they told me to come in and when I got there they told me they didn't need me. Yesterday, they told me they didn't need me then they came and got me. Oh, God now they know where I live. God, please help me from crazy nurses. Why me Lord? What did I do? Surely whatever I did I have made restitution by now.

The only sure way I have found to win the game is not to play the game.

Some of the things that helped me is extra pillows; Keeping an uplifting radio station going; Talk to others who have went through the grieving process or atleast who hav suffered a loss; Learn how to laugh again; Get in touch with your feelings and emotions by not being emotionally distant and socialize with everything whether it is other people, animals and even nature. If you ever need to share just send an email. As the Salvation Army says, "Sharing is Caring".

Just got it off the net. Found there were some Shaolin temples in America.

Dear Diary,
I had a wonderful night last night. It was chaotic as usual but it like I am getting used to the madness and it doesn't bother me as bad like it used to. I don't feel like I need a rubber room any more because it is like the whole nursing home is like a rubber room. I am starting to blend in with all the other nuts and don't feel like an outsider any more.

It could be for the same reason that some people had a problem with Communism. I thought Karl Marx's theory made good sense but theory and actuality can be two different things. History tells us that the fear of the unknown caused men to think that the world was flat and there were sea serpents. Sometimes ignorance can be bliss but at other times it isn't bliss. If it wasn't for mankind one could postulate that the world be better off. But for what or who or whom?

Hey, I like that. I am learning the fine art of dishing it out and taking it. Last week I lost my temper and vented with this nurse. This week she lost her temper and vented with me. It is like we are creating this new form of language between us or like a confidentiality inside of a confidentiality. I am finding that instead of talking behind her back to cope with her that I can confront her directly. She encourages to speak my mind and even told me if I needed to kick her ass figuritively it was okay. It has helped me to get past my old junkie attitude from fear of honesty. My fear of honesty is that if I am honest that it can come back and bite me on the ass. Confronting someone directly has been a problem for me especially if they are over me. She wants me to deal with her if I have a problem with her and then we can hash it out. She vents better than me and doesn't go ballistic like I do. It has helped me to not be so paranoid and to remember that anger is a natural part of life. It is like damn she is human, too. Who could have figured? I mean she looks like a human but she is a woman. The way women think has been a constant fascination for me. It is like their logic is different from my logic. Oh, well we are making some headway in the language barrier. It is not perfect but it is functional atleast for now.

I have always been a big fan of Shaolin from the "Kung Fu" series with David Carradine. Monks and temples have always been a fascination, too. Really impressed with meditation. My son made it to brown belt and the discipline I found to be good. Something else that I find good is the concept of not looking for a fight but not backing away from a fight as well. There are times when has to protect ones' self and one's family. I thought this was interesting:

100 Action Principles of the Shaolin Monks

1 Set Goals
2 Develop Winning Strategies
3 Be Decisive
4 Maintain a Positive Attitude
5 Relax Your Body
6 Look in the Mirror
7 Enjoy Your Own Company
8 Share the Credit
9 Make Everyone Feel Important
10 Build Networks
11 Think About Selling
12 Understand Courage
13 Stay Fit and Healthy
14 Write a Personal Mission Statement
15 Be the Warrior
16 Build Your Team
17 Have Faith
18 Ask Yourself
19 Seize the Moment
20 Set the Example
21 Act As If
22 Act Independently
23 Seek Change
24 Give Freely
25 Communicate With Ease
26 Invest in Your Future
27 Appreciate Your Students
28 Ask a Lot of Questions
29 Run the Short Road
30 March the Long Road
31 Don`t Always Apologize
32 Find Beauty Everywhere
33 Accept Differences
34 Blame No One
35 Be Outwardly Focused
36 Face Fear
37 Challenge Yourself
38 Follow Through
39 Choose Your Master First
40 Do What You Love Doing
41 How to Wear a Green Belt
42 How to Wear a Brown Belt
43 How to Wear a Black Belt
44 Allow Your Opponent to Save Face
45 Don t be a Perfectionist
46 Applaud the Courage of the White Belt
47 Read Bibliographys
48 Give Yourself the Gift of Self Reliance
49 Focus on Your Priorities
50 Don t Complicate Matters
51 Assume Leadership
52 Listen to Your Instincts
53 Accept Hard Work
54 Remain Flexible
55 Play to the Winners
56 Be Open to New Ideas
57 Heed the Warnings
58 Set the Bar High
59 Practice Your Katas
60 Define Integrity
61 Follow Your Code of Honor
62 Stay Centered
63 Commit to Self Dicipline
64 Accept Your Limitations
65 Be Grateful to Your Sensei
66 Retire Early
67 Observe and Be Aware
68 Go Ahead
69 Love Many Things
70 Live Simply
71 Make Today Special
72 Record Your Thoughts
73 Be of No Mind
74 Forget Everybody
75 Maintain Your Sai
76 Count the Time
77 Imagine
78 Walk Away
79 Work at Work
80 Inch Forward
81 Stop Talking
82 Look Forward to Tommorow
83 Pass Along the Secret
84 Give Generously
85 Build a Business
86 Develop Your Special Talent
87 Appreciate Your Appeal
88 Remember these Words
89 Teach Yourself
90 Form Your Day
91 Do What Others Can t
92 Build Upon Your Basics
93 Avoid Thinking That ...
94 Be the Monk
95 Use the Power of Patience
96 Develop Your Sense of Humor
97 Control Conflict
98 Take the Punch
99 Become Grateful
100 Rejoice in the Day

I am getting half of the first part now with some of my friends. I guess one out of two ain't bad. A friend needed a ride to work and home because her husband's truck was almost out of gas. She offered to pay me five bucks for gas but I said she didn't need offer me money. She told me to keep because she might a ride again and to remember where she lived at. Then she washed my windowshield real good so I could see out of it. Then she gave me a cat in a carrier and told me not to forget to take the cat out of the car when I got home. Then she gave a carton of fresh farm eggs. I then asked her if it was okay with her husband if I held her for ransom but she said her husband wouldn't probably go for the idea because then he wouldn't have anybody to clean the house.