From the Language of Letting Go

Many of us feel like we need a rule book, a microscope, and a warranty to get through life. We feel uncertain, frightened. We want the security of knowing what's going to happen, and how we shall act.

We don't trust ourselves or life.
We don't trust the Plan.
We want to be in control.

"I've made terrible mistakes about my choices, mistakes that nearly destroyed me. Life has really shocked me. How can I trust myself?" How can I trust life, and my instincts, after where I've been?" asked one woman.

It is understandable that we fear being crushed again, considering the way many of us were when we bottomed out on our codependency. We don't have to be fearful. We can trust our self, our path, and our instincts.

Yes, we want to avoid making the same mistakes again. We are not the same people we were yesterday or last year. We've learned, grown, changed. We did what we needed to do then. If we made a mistake, we cannot let that stop us from living and fully experiencing today.

We have arrived at the understanding that we needed our experiences - even our mistakes - to get to where we are today.
Do we know that we needed our life to unfold exactly as it did to find ourselves, our Higher Power, and this new way of life? Or is part of us still calling our past a mistake?

We can let go of our past and trust ourselves now. We do not have to punish ourselves with our past. We don't need a rule book, a microscope, a warranty. All we really need is a mirror. We can look into the mirror and say, "I trust you. No matter what happens, you can take care of yourself. And what happens will continue to be good, better than you think."

Today, I will stop clinging to the painful lessons of the past.
I will open myself to the positive lessons today and tomorrow hold for me. I trust that I can and will take care of myself now. I trust that the Plan is good, even when I don't know what it is.

Sounds good. But, remember the past lessons. Don't live them.

Hey, I like that. I am learning the fine art of dishing it out and taking it. Last week I lost my temper and vented with this nurse. This week she lost her temper and vented with me. It is like we are creating this new form of language between us or like a confidentiality inside of a confidentiality. I am finding that instead of talking behind her back to cope with her that I can confront her directly. She encourages to speak my mind and even told me if I needed to kick her ass figuritively it was okay. It has helped me to get past my old junkie attitude from fear of honesty. My fear of honesty is that if I am honest that it can come back and bite me on the ass. Confronting someone directly has been a problem for me especially if they are over me. She wants me to deal with her if I have a problem with her and then we can hash it out. She vents better than me and doesn't go ballistic like I do. It has helped me to not be so paranoid and to remember that anger is a natural part of life. It is like damn she is human, too. Who could have figured? I mean she looks like a human but she is a woman. The way women think has been a constant fascination for me. It is like their logic is different from my logic. Oh, well we are making some headway in the language barrier. It is not perfect but it is functional atleast for now.

Hillfolk,

That is a most difficult problem - Confronting someone over you at work. Some people have a gift for communicating in that situation. More of us have to work at it.

*scratches head*

There's a rule book?

I was away that day.

Your past does not dictate your future!

A good post, Winx!

While the past may not dictate the future, it certainly can play a controlling role. This is why we heed the lessons of our past, no?

We are building a type of trust. It is a temporary condition built on the premise that if she doesn't stab me in the back then I won't stab her in the back. It is flaky at best but it has let me to let my guard down sometimes like a turtle to see if the coast is clear. Nightly I test the waters to see if the truce is still in effect. I try not to be intimidating but sometimes I still scare the **** out of her when I start talking and she isn't aware that I am there. She told me to make some noise once in a while so I did then she complained that I was too loud while talking down the hall. Her logic fascinates me. I just love contradictions. I have noticed when she is preoccupied she doesn't like to be disturbed but I think sometimes she is already disturbed. The class I took on awareness training has helped me a lot. It is interesting when I walk into some rooms and the residents wake up terrorfied. I do my best to calm them down. Sometimes I am so quiet I feel like the ghost who walks like the Phantom.