If you know how to use it, it's kind of fun..

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Finally, a Voice for Women!


This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph...

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy
Period." Are you f#*$ing kidding me? Does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out of your ass man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull ****. And that's a promise I will keep.


Always,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

A few old favorites...

1. Buy a whole turkey breast(bone in) put it in the crockpot, add about 1 cup of water and some bell's seasoning (or what you like), cover and let cook all day. At the end of the day it's almost covered in it's own juice and it's the tenderest turkey you've ever had!!

2. Bone in pork roast.. cover with apple juice, add a little cinnamon. Cook all day. Yummmmmm

:)

Sounds great Robert, I'll have to try that one over the weekend! yummm

Good one!!

find...discover

YeaBig, is that anything like cutting the cheese???

Guys who take you out on a date, have a great time (they tell ME they had a great time), and say they'll call tomorrow.. and you never hear from them. Why LIE?? If you don't like me, don't tell me you'll call me!!!

People who swear at you for being a polite driver.

The woman who accused me of cutting in front of her in the grocery line when she wasn't anywhere in sight and didn't have her cart in line.

I have a new sign in my car.. it reads "STUPID SHOULD HURT"

I know I'm not the only middle aged single person in Central Florida.

Where are you all hiding????

singingmyheartout you have the right idea.. You GO Girl!!!! I'll be your cheerleader!! Don't settle for less than you deserve!!


I'd definitely love to find that special person I can't live without and who can't live without me. I seem to be finding only horny old men who want to jump my bones on the first date. NO WAY!!! I have much more self-respect than that and if it means spending the rest of my life alone, so be it. I like myself and I'm good company.

nowebdate, that was great!!!

Smelly, dirty, and definitely someone who was chewing tobacco.... the thought of swapping spit... oh puuuuuuukkkeee

Be gentle with me, she cried as she spread all 8 of her legs.....