This is a terrible time for your friend, but a wonderful opportunity for his own personal growth if he eventually opens up himself to it and you can be very instrumental in pointing that out to him. But I do respect that he needs some time to wrap his brain around his present reality/misery. And hopefully his gf wll get all the space she needs to process her pain and confusion too.


I hope everything works out for the both of them

Your special!

Your the only one for me!

I respect you!

Some of the necessary white lies women usually want to hear and easily believe.

Your heart is consistently in the right place Jimmy and clearly you are loyal to your friend and that's admirable

But Im not sure if you are looking at your friends actions objectively.

Even though his character and intentions are good, and his love is sincere and the trauma he experienced was a legitimate trigger for his extreme behaviour, the end result is that his present mental state, and over the last year, has been alarmingly UNBALANCED.

Fabricating and actively sustaining an alternate identity for a year, no matter how traumatic the trigger for that behaviour ,is NOT NORMAL. Being on a suicide watch after a break up is NOT NORMAL.

You are doing a great job of being a non-judgmental and supportive friend , but that guy appears to need professional help Jimmy.

Him being messed up DID NOT start with his present break up,. For him to have acted the way he did for a year, and to be presently in this suicidal state, he has been on a downward spiral for a long time now , possibly since his relationship with the gold-digging ex, and before he met this last woman he fell in love with

Like I said before, maybe you can consider tactfully suggesting to him that he talk to a counsellor to help him navigate this difficult patch in his life.

Ugh.. I would love to give a serious reply... But....;~( I don't want to teach scammers, pervs, alters & trolls how to improve their game.

No, it's time to let him suffer the consequences of his actions so he can learn from them.

You are comparing apples to oranges.

Lying out of a fear of losing someone is a form of manipulation. It's selfish and shows a lack of character.

Wow Jimmy ...

When I first commented in this thread, I hadnt yet read the full backstory.

My first response was specifically related to white lies in general, and the assessment lens or guage one uses when viewing such a lie.But now that I know the full story, I don't think a white lie would require a years worth of complementary lies to sustain an alternate identity .

While I believe your friend isnt a bad guy, dont you think it takes a kind of pathological mindset to enable someone to fabricate the amount of lies and theatrics it takes to sustain an alternate identity for a YEAR? ?? Lies ranging from his daily whereabouts, to the activities he had that day to the people he interacted with daily at work etc. ( because women tend to ask their mates a lot of little questions about their day. )

And then he planned to propose to her and extend a permanent invitation to stage crafted life???

And now he is on suicide watch?

Take the relationship out of the equation Jimmy. The actions you described make your friend sound mentally unbalanced.

If I were his gf , and I could somehow get past the shock, hurt and fear of his mental state, I would only give him a second chance on the condition that we both enlisted the help of a counsellor for a year , and even then I would still lack some confidence in his mental stability.

And I would also be hurt that he doubted the integity of my love for an entire year after giving my love purely, authentically and unconditionally for that long.

I get that he is your friend and that he is probably a good guy but as a friend , it woild be great if you could tactfully suggest that he talk to a counsellor to help him navigate this difficult patch in his life.

He went as far as to get a job and move to be near her just to meet her? I'm saying, creepy.
Then he kept up this white lie/ruse for a year?
no wonder she's rather angry with him...
If he's got lots of money, she should suck it up.. she might have a good life.
(How's that for PC beach?)

Who knows, maybe they can work it out.

He lied to her for a year even though he was sure enough about her to get ready to propose. He didn't trust her and now she can't trust him. Trust is nearly impossible to regain. Sorry but I think they should part ways hopefully having learned a very important lesson.

Ah I see. This wasn't a little white lie he told in the beginning. He lied to her for a year. I wouldn't get back together with him either.

we need more nice people like you...

i would say --- don't lie... i see your point on his behalf, but it didn't get him anywhere, and even if she did get back with him, he would spend a lot of time still trying to figure out if shes a gold digger now... so was the price of lying worth a month or two of getting what he wanted when he could have had so much more?

but if she liked him without money, the only thing thats really changed is she knows he's a liar... he should pick up his ballsack and point that out to her, making her realize it was something he needed to do... but crying and threatening suicide won't help any whatsoever....

seems you answered your own question here...