CHECK I moved to San Diego 4 years ago. THE I know, many people didn't believe it at first either and when they saw me in person they thought it was an impersonation... like they don't believe Elvis is really marrying people in Vegas... but it's true, I traded Europe for San Diego. I figured LA was overated and San Diego needed a boost. HEADLINE I also was the first to ever surf in California and I brought sports such as soccer and basketball to America. Look at how popular those sports are here now! THANK YOU Ok, soccer isn't but only because the girls got so excited about me that they claimed it for themselves - [which proves women are smarter than men. Most men. All other men.] And I haven't charged anyone a single penny for rights. What am I doing here then, you may ask? well, I'm looking for someone who I can build a strong physical and mental connection with. Nah not really, I'm just a gigolo but being honest hasn't led me to any good dates. So please fill in the date requisition form and mail it to my place. My lovely istants will be glad to take your call too. So call now and if you call within the next 30 minutes you will receive an authentic eyelash of mine autographed and everything. 'Cause if you don't, your middle finger will grow hair like mad, your pet will have bad sex for his entire life and your cousin will have bad breath for 15 weeks. And I don't care if he already does anyway. By now you should be laughing or at least smiling. And if you aren't either quit the botox or ask someone to tickle you until you do.