I have what you need; do you have what I want? Ax murderers are people too. Everyone needs a hug now & then. Are you looking for a snazzy dresser? A GQ model? 6 pack ABS? Well keep looking and I DO NOT MEAN HERE. Move along I'm NOT YOUR MAN. But hey, if you want someone with a great personality that knows how to keep a relationship alive, keep listening. I'm a white older man, 5'8, brown hair and eyes. I do not have tatooes, I do not smoke and I'm not a drunk. Yep, you've struck gold. I'm looking for a SWEET, sexy girl without attitude or too many issues. Please have an income, a car and your own cotton balls. Girls that curse like sailors do not impress me. I have what you need - do you have what I want? I just want one thing from you... c'mon let me ride your bicycle, I want to ride your bike... I'm looking for my sole mate. I think we can all agree that wearing the right pair of shoes is very important. While style is important, I believe that they also need to be comfortable. Have you found your sole mate yet? Overly brilliant, uncommonly nice. Positively fun, enjoy playing with ice. Perfectly normal, insanely mad. Humor uncommon, wit to the wise. Lets carve a pumpkin with beady little eyes. I'll come as a pirate, eye patch and hook. Just give me a nice cranny with a little nook. What was it you said? What was it you heard? I'm a mystery man - a dangerous nerd. So give me a break and give me a chance, treat me with sweetness and I'll give you my lance. I believe in love at first bite.... so bite me! Or maybe I'll bite you. Do you taste good? I do. By the way... it might interest you to know that I smell good. In fact, I smell so good I can smell someone smoking 3 cars over in traffic. So I hope you don't smoke. Unless you're on fire. And I hope you're not self-centered either. In fact, my last gf was so self-centered all she could do was talk about herself - "My hair is on fire. I'm burning up. Help me." Me me me me. I have needs too you know, it doesn't always have to be about you. Did she ever stop to think that maybe I might want to roast a marshmellow? Did she think I bought BBQ skewers for my health? So anyway, I like to dance, listen to music, stargaze, watch electricity & fires, train guard bunnies and I hope to get married and have kids. And then my wife & children will entertain me. I also like dogs. But not the sloppy ones that drool and slobber. A man has to have standards. A well trained pet is a happy pet, and a happy pet makes their owner happy. What about you? Are you happy? Do you think you could make me happy? Do you slobber? What did I just tell you about slobbering? Are you well trained or will you need training? We'll talk about it. If you call me, I'll answer. But I won't give you my number. If you poke me, I'll say "ow". But if you tickle me, I'll torture you. If you feed me, I'll get fatter. But if you kiss me, I'll kiss you back. What do you dare to do? So that about wraps it up. Oh I almost forgot. A lot of you have been asking about my favorite places I like to go. Like I'm gonna tell you. Sure, I spill the beans here and suddenly the "In" place is yesterday's lunch. Besides, I'm not taking you anywhere. If we have to go somewhere, you're taking me. Do I look like your free ride? I don't think so. You wanted women's lib, well you got it baby. Tell you what, you pay for the first date and I'll tell you what we'll do on the second date. Are you LISTENING? Well then I guess you must have heard the secret. Let me put the rumors to rest. It's true, so now you know and I totally understand your interest. I'm not surprised at all, after all how could you resist if you know the secret about me? Well, the fact of the matter is anybody could if they just put their mind to it. Although it does take practice, and I totally enjoy practicing. Maybe you'd like to practice with me. Let me know right away, this offer is for a limited time only, you're not getting any younger. I do have a king size bed, but if you think you'll be spending all your time in it, you can think again girlie. I'm not running a hotel. I sure hope you're a good cook. And no funky stuff. Kinky, sure. I can do kinky. But not funky. Nobody likes funk. No funk, no whining, no nagging. I have rules. Get with the program. And I want variety. If you think you can get away with peanut butter & jelly three nights in a row think again. Homey don't play that game. I'm very open minded, but you should expect to do things my way, since I am in fact right almost all the time. Sure I'm demanding. But is it really so much to ask to be a "kept" man? I mean, I'm willing to listen to what you have to say even though you're wrong. That's got to be worth a lot. And, I'll ask if you want me to "fix it" or just be a sympathetic listener - I get it. I'm a good listener, just don't get offended if I tell you to shutup once in a while, my ears need a rest too. You want the truth - or should I make you feel good - you choose. Personally I prefer the truth, but I know some of you need the ego boost - I get it. I have no reason to lie to you, so why should I - unless you ask me nicely. Sure, I'll need something in return every now and then, but that's what relationships are all about - give & take. I'll give you what you need and take what I want - I'm all about fairness. I want to hear what you have to say even if I don't give you what you think you want. I'll let you know when you need something, it's ok to ask me. And no, you don't have to ask me to tell you what to wear... just pick something you like and if I don't like it I'll tell you to go put something else on. Of course if we're not going out somewhere then I might let you run around na_ked and it's ok to take the collar off while we're home... You only need that when we go out for a walk. I suppose you'd like a pink one? We'll get you one with a bell.