I can see a light
the light is my salvation
the light is all I strive to be.

I write to inspire this beauty,
This light.
But deep inside there's a horror,
A horror of hope mislead and,
Dreams destroyed.

I walk to the edge and jump,
Reaching out for my long lost hope.
The light has abandoned me.

I'm forever in the dark
with things that reach for me,
with searching and prying fingers.
Hate brought me here,
Hate extingushed my light.
Hate of your religion and faith.
But through the hate a dark light will shine.
A new hope, a new beauty,
Away from these prying fingers.

Here I wait for my hate to become strong.
I will return through death, and destruction.
Await me for I return...

(blood)

It's color attracts me
Its smell allures me
and it's taste is the end of me.

Oh, how I love the look of it.
Oh, to enjoy the way it runs over my lips.
And oh, to feel it caress my throat.

It draws me in and I am lost.
It shows me ecstacy that I've never known.
and It brings me to life.

The feel of it helps me cope
The warmth of it helps me live.
And the comfort of it keeps me awake.

All of this controls me.
all of this brings out the my beast
and all of thissaves my soul

Darkness covering me
It takes away my fear,
And comforts me in anonymity.

I do not know it as it steals my soul.
I'm rushed to my death, but lost in time.
Hastened undyingly into fear.

So now I cry out in the day,
Awaiting my nightly fate.
This fate that I have contained seemingly for all of time.

I've tried to run...
I've tried to hide...
From this fate I'm sealed in.
Only one way to die.

Decide the truth if you will,
But I can not die it's against my will.
Cursed I am, but in a lifeless way,
I do not worry though, For in life I do reside.

You've pushed so hard,
And helped so much.
But you've tried to kill my once to much.

I'm sealed in my darkness,
I don't want to be free,
I'm safe in this curse and can finally see.

My faith is subdued,
Your God has abandoned me.
I look to the cross...
It only holds hate for me.

You cry for me in the night.
But my hate is true.
And my fear is in you.

I walk up behind you, In your church,
Satined glass windows shattered on sight.
Your falseness cannot contain me,
And your love will not restrain me.

I will outlast you and your cross.
Whatever the price.
Take a life, if I must.
Torture a soul, easily done.

Sinister I may be
But when death comes,
Time will befriend me.

Tye me down, I know you will.
But it's hopeless my heart is lost.
Stay your hand and forgive my plight.
For when Time takes you, you'll agree with my sight.

A spark of hope,
A flair of light,
A smile in dark times.

They bring to life,
An unknown feeling.
A feeling of brighter days,
And things that make me try.

a flair of anger.
A spark of madness.
A scream of lost hopes.

They bring to life a well known feeling.
A feeling of hate
A feeling of fear.
Things that make me surrender.

Remember when we were inocent?
Spinning saturn, feeling venus flare in our hearts
Reading to beleive what was lost is gone for good
i know you...
the way you want to **** it all up
Pining in this Pine box and
feeling your wave and

can't remember what was lost...
Remember when we were innocent?

I see a tree line.
Quiet all around,
Only the crickets and the wind.

Free from all the yelling voices,
And screaming minds,
They still don't understand me.

Here, I am alone,
Sitting on the sand dunes,
With only the wind to embrace me.

Far from all those I hate
And all their pointless anger,
I'll never be rid of it.

This is my private land,
A sand dune away from fear.
With crickets who comfort me.

The sound of a distant hammer,
The roar of a truck,
Reminds me of my hate.

Sadness, obilerating my soul.
Madness overtakes me.
Screaming I can't seem to stop.

"They'll pay,"I think.
But in my mind I love them,
For the strength they give me.

They make me cold, inside.
They rake my mind with steel claws,
Only to make me stronger.

Day by Day I wait For them to fight,
Only to find that they are weak,
That they are helpless,
Oh how I've wasted my life.

I try to ignore them,
But they don't stop,
And Grow stronger.
----------------------------
Here's another
----------------------------
Discriminated,I think,
By my own Faith,
Hated by those I love least.

Faithful to myself, at my best.
Feasted upon by those I hate most.
Gloated by those who I ignore.

People who see me,
Think I'm food for their pride,
When I am, Faithfully, part of their demise.

I'm different, and they hate me.
I'm the same and they loath me.
I'm in this visicous circle for eternety.

Take me Away,
Show me my Faults,
And teach to fight... I need your strength.

Defeat them with your help we will,
For your strength and mine combined,
Is enough hate for all of time.

So lend me your strength,
Save your time,
For their lives will soon be Ours.

A speech of kindness,
This is not one,
Explaining is so hard to do.
Truth brings pain,
And pain brings death,
A death to you, an end to me.

Toying with you,
Yes, I am, For I am the few.
I am the strong and the weak,
And yes I am the fool.

Unloose your weapons
My pride as one.
I know your devices,
None will weaken me.

You try so hard
You lose so much,
The things I write cost us lives,
And the things I do cause us pain.
Letting go isn't easy as it seems,
for when you do you lose a heart.
A heart that's strong.
A heart that's weak.
It's a part of you no matter what.

Memory, haunting visions of the past,
Be they good or bad,
They harbor feelings.

Hate, Fear, and Sadness,
Pleasure, courage, and happiness,
all locked in your mind.

Only in the darkest hour,
Do they vanish,
And only in the lightest,
Do they flurish.

Most fear memory,
As visions to get lost in,
They forsake their past,

We, the wise, sift through our memories,
Breifly touching each time of savored happiness,
Memories are there for the future,
But they orginate from the past,

We believe in them,
For they bring us faith,
We cherish them,
When they recall our happiness,

They will never die,
They will never shrink,
They will never be lost to time,
For they are ours for now and evermore.

The Dead


Haunting me in my dreams,
Taunting me with visions of hell,
Wanting me to join them.

Hated for the things I do,
Ignored for the wisdom I bring,
I think I need them.

Feared by those who loved me,
Touched by those I hate,
I long to join them.

Lost in this abyss,
Found in this gutter,
I go now to join them.
----------------------
Change


It has a life of its own
From a baby to child,
From a son to a Father.

Life creates change,
and change masters life,
Fear and solitude do follow it.

But akin to it we are.
This fear comes from the unknown,
And change is the unknown.

For when you avoid change,
You change your course,
And into darkness you will plunge.

(Eternity)
Laying on my back forever in eternity,
Deep with in the Earth looking up,
always looking up asking wondering.

What could have been different,
did I do anything that made a difference,
did any body care, dose any body care.

I wait and I watch,
forever looking up,
looking up at a satin sky.

Nothing changes, always the same,
so quiet, so alone, so dark,
no one comes for so long.

I am alone forever,
laying on my back,
forever in eternity
deep with in the Earth......

As I walk this Earth I feel so alone,

I have friends and family, but no one

to give my love, I walk and I search,

I look and I love, but am not loved.

I am in the shadow of love, for it is

all around me, but I can not step into

the warmth. Love is cold and blined

for me, for it dose not see me. Is there

love out there for me, if so she dose not

see me. I search from one end to the other

of this Earth, I see sun sets and sun rises,

I see the beautiy of blouming flowers and

I see death as they wither away, wondering

if they new what it was to be loved. I

search for love, but love is blined for me,

love is darkness without light, love runs

from me, love is afraid of me, afraid of

being embraced by my love.

Tears and a Broken Heart"

When the eagle fly's above my love for her

fly's with him. I see her beauty in the rising

of the sun, for she has the beauty of the Godds.

I will love her forever, I have tried not to, I look

to others, but I always come back to her.

But dose she love me? I think not, for I see no

love in her eyes when she looks into mine.

I cry for her, I would die for her, but that

is not enough. I will always love her, but

I will never truly feel the embrace of her love.

I will love her, but it will be from afar

with tears and a broken heart.

"The Shadow of my Heart"



I sit in the shadows watching, waiting, loving.

I'm but a shadow to the one I love, for she

looks past and through me. I am always in

the shadow, no one sees me. When I step into

the light people see a monster, for that

is what I am, a monster that belongs in the

darkness of the world.

Once again I try stepping into the light,

as I stand in the light I look to the one

I love, but as she looks through me I ask my

self, "Do I belong here, am I truly just kidding

my self, do I have a purpose?" I turn from the

light, returning to the darkness of the shadow

from whence I came, to end the suffering

for all time.

An empty room
Barren and cold
The evil inside of me
Ripping at my soul

Satan awaits me
He knows he has won
My soul is now his
I�ve nowhere to run

The needle so warm
Piercing my vein
Soon I will be numb
And forget all of my pain

The world that surrounds me
Filled with misery and strife
Is as stagnant as the smoke
Coming from the blade of the knife

I sit back and watch
As they come through the door
And pick up the carcass
Of someone on the floor

I know that person
His features so fine
As I look down to see
A face that used to be mine

A touch on my shoulder
And I can already tell
The devil has come
To escort me to hell

Steadily I trudged along
Sinking deeper into my own quagmire of despondency
Filled with self pity, abhorring the world,
Loathing the one who stole, no, ripped my life away from me.
The pain, like a 1000 crystal shards tearing my heart asunder.
Blaming others for my own malfeasance.
The world I created was void of emotion
Surrounded by a seemingly impenetrable darkness
Living day-to-day, longing to succumb
To the grasping arms and the haunting voices
Calling me onward
Ready to dispatch me into oblivion.

Above the hollow screams and empty cries
A voice sang out, powerfully soft
Shattering the noisy hell with a deafening silence.
Struggling to turn, I sensed the disembodied arms
Cower in the shadows, competing for the darkest recesses
I sensed a fear from those who had known no fear before.
Looking up from my island of self deprecation
I saw her, in all of her glory, sitting astride a noble steed
Surrounded by a light that penetrated the darkest of darks.
She gazed upon me with empathy, and an eternal sadness
Reaching out she took my hand
The pain and emptiness raced from my body
Climbing up behind her, I leaned into her
Her strength flowed into me, giving me new hope
She led me away from my self conceived damnation
Becoming my pillar of salvation.

When I am Gone

When I am gone will you remember me
Will thoughts of me still make you smile?
Or will I be a memory
That only happens once in a while

Of all the stars on a summer night
Will it be our star that you see
And will it shine just as bright
As when you fell for me

Or will it blend in with the rest
Never more to shine
In the eyes of the one whose heart I hold
And whom I entrusted with mine.

As you walk along, going about your day
And something funny catches your eye
Will you smile and think of all the times
I made you smile when you wanted to cry

When you close your eyes to fall asleep
Will you still dream of me
Watching the sunset and waiting
For your company, under a tree

When I am gone will you remember me
Will your heart still long for my love
Or over time will I have faded
To someone you used to think of.

The bedroom

Muted music floating through the air

Warm candle light reflecting off the walls

A body covered in black lace

Luring, coaxing, pleading

Arms gently encircling my neck

My warm body compressing the chilled lace

Stirring fevered flesh

My lips, smooth and warm, probing your unveiled neck

Finger tips, malicious, searching, finding, caressing

Gentle gasps as I move into you, becoming one

Your legs climbing mine, circling me, binding me

Bodies moving together, one goal

A gentle cry

Bodies quivering, savoring the moment

Lying there quietly

Tears, as you remember

A gentle kiss

A warm caress

You return to your world

Finding it was a dream

Longing for it to be real

And you know

Across the miles you know that I am feeling the same.