remember..even though you love someone...you are not always in love with them...that is a cycle in every relationship..working through those times is what makes a relationship successful...and it affects your sex life also

I believe you can truely gage a relationship on the sex your having. Not the frequency of course after 5 years you arent doing it twice a day. But when you do is it great? are you doing it bcuz your hot for the other person or to just do it? play first do you just get to it? it also depends on what is happening out of the bed. Does he/she still cop a random feel? compliment you? tell you you make them horny? If the answer is No I would bet the relationship is on the rocks.

Well it all boils down to if you can live with it or not...Some can and some can't...If you can't it's time to get out rather than cheat...The choice is really up to the individual...I don't think I am one of the ones who could...It's not really about sex...but more about imtimacy and that is a big loss for any relationship....To me then it's more like having a roommate not a husband!!!!!!!!!

I think your friend and his spouse should seek counseling if a physical limitation is not there.I hope you arent considering filling the void.I could live with a sexless marriage if it was a physical or mental thing as long as communication stayed open.

Man o man, this is a sore subject for me and it was the downfall of my marriage. My x wanted sex constantly to the point where I slept on the couch many a night to avoid his
fumblings. I grew to actually despise him, because of this and ultimately divorced. I was watching Oprah after the show yesterday and her guest was talking to a couple with the same problem. The guest told them to examine whether or not their issues were some manifistation of an under lying problem related to the mans need for constant reassurance or even a problem with him feeling like the woman is his wife owes him sex whenever he wanted it. I can definately see both as the answer to why he needs constant sex.

angel were we married to the same dude?

Well...here is the other side of the coin. My husband of 2 1/2 years never consumated our marriage. I was left totally frustrated...thinking things were going to get better. He barely even kissed me...so needless to say, our divorce should be final in a couple of months...
Actually I never should have married him.......................

Awh, puffins, so sorry to hear that.


It's either one extreme or the other.


No happy medium

doesnt that mean you don't need a divorce and just an annullment?

Gypsy...

According to my lawyer....I still needed a divorce, either way, I never actually felt married. The BEST part of my wedding was the day itself. My wedding night we wound up watching Lewis Black...on HBO. What can I say....that should have given me a clue

I can kinda understand the wedding night thing (my wife and I were too exhausted from the wedding) but 2 1/2 years??? Did you check to make sure he wasn't castrated?

Why on earth would anyone male or female stay in a sexless relationship for nine years?
Either he is lying, and trying to get in your pants or there is something he is not telling you.
I say if you want to be friends with him tell him you do not want to hear anymore about his "sexless" marriage. Yuck

To be blunt ,sorry but that's me, -it sounds he may be cheating and/or just not in love with you anymore. But doesn't mean to not give it another try and see if you can rekindle that love you once had. Hard to do yes, not impossible. See a therapist, be hoest and open about feelings. Maybe he doesn't think you want to be touched anymore by him. A lot of male married friends in same situation tell me this.

Piles of issues that build up over time can turn a man off to her. The issues need to be brought out and put to rest so that the relationship can start with a clean slate. This will jump start the sex machine!!!!

There can be alot of different things that play into this situation that doesn't have any thing to do with the relationship or they way the two feel about each other. Sometimes it is really a dis-interest in sex (not just sex with the partner, but sex itself) It could be a medical issue, stress, overly tired at the end of the day, the sex clocks not on the same time for both, or even age/menopause.

The two people in a marriage can still love each other even if sex isn't there. If you married for sex, you married for the wrong reason. Yes sex is a big part of a relationship, but it's not the only part. Human nature requires sex, more for some than others.

So what a person to do? If sex is the only issue talk about it and see what the real problem is. Maybe I've just had a series of bad long term relationships, but my finding is that all relationships change over time, and sex dwindles down after time.

What to do when it totally stops? I cant answer this for anyone but myself. In my case the marriage is great except for lack of sex? My answer was keep the marriage and look for sex else where.

marriage without sex & passion is spaghetti without sauce...

usually i lay off the sex when i'm sleeping
but not always

davinci: "marriage without sex & passion is spaghetti without sauce... "


I disagree with that. If you've ever eaten *real* Italian food in Italy, some of the best dishes don't always have lots of sauce.

sex what is that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!