I want the plane crash, not the car wreck. And if I have to be single from now on then that's the way it goes

The Tao teaches us that we are all three people . The way others see us , The way we see ourselves and who we really are.. The trick is to let those three become one ... other than that my fung shui is funged up ,,,, I can't follow anyone else's script and sometimes I think that expectations get in the way .... just food for thought...

Hmmmmm...among your many self-reported talents, I didn't realize one of them was mind-reading. Is this what she reported to you, or just what you inferred from the situation, in order preserve your own sense of self? Perhaps...could it be...that what she thought you were in the beginning turned out to not be an accurate portrayal of you? Perhaps SHE is not the self-conscious and insecure one... Just a thought!

That happens? Really? I didn't know that actually happens.

My philosophy that I have stated time and time again ring true .... No matter how good looking they are someone somewhere is sick of thier sh^T

Food indeed! My sentiments exactly. Not an easy task at that, but one that can certainly be undertaken with gusto and if you keep going forward with sooner or later have you all lost.

out of the people i've met from the internet...one was pretty much what i expected, one was EXACTLY as he portrayed himself to be...and the other lived in his own mind.

Thanks Joni , also in person we will put up walls some of them just to see who cares enough to knock them down ...

What I've noticed is that a lot of people seem to go in with the attitude that the Internet is like a sort of "selective mask" -- the good stuff can remain and shine through, but if they finagle the mask enough, it covers up all the horrible stuff.

There's a shallowness underneath it all, an attitude of "nobody will like me if I'm flawed" -- missing the whole point about the inevitability and universality of flaws, per se.

At the same time, I think there's almost always going to be some difference between who we are and who we "portray" ourselves as -- because how can we ever really know exactly how we come across here?? -- ignoring the completely subjective interpretations that we will engender, simply by virtue of having different people "reading" us?

I sometimes get e-mail from people who perceive me as being a certain way, a way that I don't "get" at all -- but that's what they read from what they "read." I'm in no position to say they're right or wrong -- how can I say their interpretation is right or wrong? -- all I can say, at best, is that's not what I intended to put across. Intention and interpretation are certainly not always going to dovetail perfectly....

One of my favorites dates was about a half hour late because he ran out of hair gel and had to shave [saying that while looking at his crotch and winking]...

After he found out I worked for the court he told me after his Domestic charge and protection order from his ex-wife....

He tried to kiss me in the parking lot and called for a second date...No kidding.

I totally admit I stayed for a second drink just for more material to use while telling the story later, Hey ! Now that's Handy....

Interesting.
I learned it another way... while attending Crisis Intervention training.
http://www.noogenesis.com/game_theory/johari/johari_window.html

Lol Lilth .. what is wrong with having a restraining order ? man oh man 1 severed head and it all goes down hill .....

Hmmm, well it would be something to consider, however that was in her own words.

And no, I can't read minds. Never claimed I could. That's why I believe in good communication.

And just because someone can say they can do something, some people take that as "boastful" or "bragging" and never seem to take it in its true context (can be joking, or just conversation, or as in something to do like computers for me its to give the other person a little background so they can be assured that the person has some actual experience..that tends to make many people a little more comfortable and at ease).

And whats amazing even more..is when it all true. The person is actually genuine. But some people STILL can't see because of thier own lack of sight.

I was paraphrasing for the sake of getting to the point but thank you for the link I will check it out ... especially if it could help my fung shui get unfunged ...

lmao!!!!
too true.. too true...

Lex- Brilliant. I would say, speaking for myself... that I constantly and consistenly learn more about myself from others. I try to surround myself with people who will tell it like it is and call me on my "sh*t", so to speak, but also people I trust. Or thier sh*it is no better than mine.

I know I am guilty of teasing you about being curmudgeony, but in fact I do not see you that way at all.

And dovetail or not, as long as there is some measure of bonding... a cohesiveness that exists outside a person's fantasy world, then there is hope.

I hear ya lex.. I've met a few off line.. and on occasion given time.. the true person came to view. I also realize that they were not the only true person that came to view. The net in its very nature.. hides stuff beyond our control.
Of the four.. that were actual dates.. I still consider all of them to be friends but will not interact with two, and at some point in the future I will contact the third and try to make amends for my part of what went bad. The fourth? She, as far as I know, is still doing what she was doing when we last talked. I made amends..and until such time I see she is doing something different.. I will not contact her, or respond to her.

That is the thing.. It is so easy in any relationship to place blame in it's entirety on the other. Especially easy when it is a relationship spawned off of the net.

I was brought up to think differently though. I was taught to look within myself first ~ and outwardly second. I was also taught that something going wrong between two people is never one persons fault.

When I see people on here who cannot fathom this concept? I also see someone that is incapable of being true to oneself and others. Someone that is wearing at least one mask. Someone that is shallow, self centered and controlling.

Fortunately, none of this is part of my present.

I have to reflect and in that reflection I have to make sure that the person that I am looking at is the person that I want to be .. sometimes I have to regroup .. or take a time out .. but I also have to be careful to own only what is mine and toss the rest out.. I am no longer in the position that I want a chemistry project .. and in my past I have been guilty of that .. I do not blame them persay for who they were just me for wanting to change or fix them.. I have a bad habbit of wanting to Fastrack people's lives to fabulous and neglecting my own ..

You can take me as I am Shoes..... I dont have the attention span to be dishonest about myself.....

See, that's the thing that I didn't think about in the beginning. I started dabbling with dating sites about 10 years ago. Up to that point, almost everyone I had ever been involved with was someone I had met through friends (or someone hanging around the band), so there was at least a sort of "screening system" in place. I went into the whole Internet thing with a kind of idiot naivete which turned around and bit me a few times before I really recognized it.

Outside of Gem, I have no contact at all with anyone I met in person from on line. There would be no point in it. The people I thought I "knew" never really existed.



Exactly, and how often are these things ever 100% one-sided? Hardly ever, I'm guessing. Sure, I can blame someone for lying, for misrepresenting themselves; but then I'm at fault, too, for making bad choices, for permitting myself to be taken in, for buying into the lies, etc., at the very least.