I think ruining some nineteen year olds life because your daughter decided to hop in the sack with him is just plain wrong.Some people need to remember they were once teens,have the talk and hope for the best..Abstinence is not the norm among teens in the USA.

Are you for real??? a 16 yr old ruining a 19 yr olds life...
read entire thread this is not MY child. And abstinence may not be the norm as you say but should be instilled in all our children not just the females but males alike.

whats your opinion?

Being a new parent, Im scared. Im scared of when my son hits puberty and girls start calling...and...and..


Hopefully I will be able to have good communication skills with him and teach him how to be a responsible young man. Here is hoping for the future.

I have a 19 year old son and now he loves to tell me he is asked out, by older women. All you can do at that age is playfully call names. I think an 18 and a 16 year old are not that far apart in age. We'd all love to think our kids are perfect, but I know I wasn't. Oh well there is hopeful wishing!

LOL..good point!! And we see more and more..its the "older women" going after the BOYS..and I mean BOYS!!! Like the teacher with the 13 or 14 year old was it??

So we can at least say this is NOT a GENDER bias issue! And many more "older women" going after much younger guys...they call them COUGARS I found out. yet an older guy going after a young woman is a PERVERT! WOW!

So to say or even THINK anyone has an exact correct solution for all this...well that's just unrealistic.

True but who should be the responsible party the 16 yr old or the 19 yr old? regardless of gender

i went out with an older man at 16 nothing came good of it.u fall in love when u should be thiinking of goals in life.i'd try to discourage it personaly

Hmm probably neither in most cases..both are extremely young. 19 is not even old enough to drink legally in the USA..but they can go to war and die for the country.

And I have seen and heard of 16 year old too..so trying to place them in an "innocent" position is simply wrong. Many know just what they are doing. So age is only a factor to a point.

Hence some Courts will hold a "monor" of 16 on adult crime charges in certain cases.

I agree here Tina. Thats why at particular times in life, age does play certain factors.

One of the main reasons I won;t date a woman under 30 is because most want to have children..and thats great, I love children..just not anymore of my own.

So the long term goals are not equal or in line..therefore I know that there is no chance for a LTR.

Some men play the "game" just to get what they are after. Not my style..can;t do that. I'm always lookin down the road.

How would I react now if I found two young persons in the situation you are describing.
Hopefully I would remain calm, not over react, stick with the facts, and avoid blameing. Threats might sound humorous or socially expected but all it will realisticly do is make the situation even harder to control and possibly do more harm.
The youngest child has admitted to doing something she knows is forbidden and even illegal. She will take away a sense of justice or injustice from how parents and other adults represent her rights.
So will the older child who is ever so barely given the rights and responsibilities of being and adult weather he wants them or not. Some absolutes do exist in the legal world. They both need them to be made crystal clear. I would have documentation in hand when I had this conversation.
I do not think I would pursue charges. I am not sure you will be given the choice if certain third parties get involved. There are plenty of people who would capitalize on this situation given a chance.
But I would seek a restraining order. Not to be punative but to protect both children from themselves. Then there is no decisions to be made about a future relationship. By the time the younger child is old enough to make decisions for themselves they will both probably lost interest.
I do think I would tell them both they are playing with fire. It never hurts to take advantage of a teaching moment and remind them that self control is learning your own limits and protecting yourself from human failure weather your own or others. Give both information about STD's and pregnancy.
I would make it clear that every effort is going to be made to prevent further failure to stay with in the boundries of the law. I would attempt to get their support voluntarily. Choices always work better than ultimateums.

I would explain it as parents and society having to protect the younger child. Neither are probably going to accept that the calendar can fairly assign justice but if no-one gets stuck on life being fair no-one should be all that shook up. "Kids" get life is not fair.

For those who read this I hope you will take the time to discuss this scenario with the young people in your life. Kids don't mind hearing "Parent Speak" repeated.

Last but not least I hope as easy as it now is to send and email to your political leaders and tell them your wishes on what you think is reasonable legislation on this subject is would do it. It would make it much easier if we had a uniform application of what our expectaions of sexual behaviors are for minors male and female.

Personally I think it is high time that adults admit that minors of either sex 16 years and younger do not have the maturity to be sexually active with anyone just because they physically can. That minors do not have the capacity to understand the consequences or meet the responsibilities.
That when adults leave them to supervise themselves we are failing our responsibility to children. Constantly throwing children in with adults only makes the problem worse.
What I want to know was what was the parent of either child thinking in allowing the relationship to continue when the older child should not have been socializeing with the younger once he legally became of age as and adult. My SOP rule as a Parent has always been stay with your own age people.

First off, keep in mind that legal age of consent is not necesarilly the same as being a minor. There are some places where a person can legally choose to have sex at 16 (I have heard but not been able to verify that there is one or two places in the usa that it is legal at 14).

Now, for all those that automatically say, punish the older person? You need to step back, calm down and be a bit more mature about the matter. You CAN NOT go and punish the older one by messing up his/her life FOR life, and just ground your child and expect yuor child to grow up mature and responsible.

Your child WILL grow up, no atter what you think, and definitely before you are ready for them to do so. So step back and ask yourself what is the best way to reinforce the idea of safe choices and practices. Most of thetime, if yuosimply take the heavy hand of "parenthood" and forbid all contact, doe verythign you can to punish the other side, then you are only going to have trouble and rebellion on your hands. However, if you treat yuor sons and daughters with respect and maturity, if you let them know that you expect THEM to be mature and to act like an adult if they are gong to make adult decisions, then nine out of ten chances yuo aregoing to be able to turn it around into a very bonding moment, and a very good life lesson, one that includes teaching them that they can come to you no matter how stupid they have been, and know that you are going to give them good advice.

And above all else, let them know that no matter what yu will always love them, even if they do something yuo can not condone or even respect (say murder for example).

Also just something to think about. Those that would go out and prosecute, maim, torture or whatever a boy who is ONLY two or three years older than your daughter (or vice versa) because he is eighteen and your daughter sixteen, stop and ask yourself this? Who am I really doing this for? Is itgoing t ohelp my daughter gt past this, and be responsible, or is it going to make "me" feel better because I did whatever to the sob who hurt MY daughter who took MY daughters virginity, who disrespected MY daughter, etc. I am sure you get the point.

I for one, do not agree with a parent being able to press for statutory rape because mostof the time the parent is not thinking ratinally. I believe it should be up to the prosecuting attorneys office. They are only involved as far as legality is concerned and thus able to make a reasonable and unbiassed decision.

Please explain to me how you are going to keep an eye on your child to the point that they are unable to choose wether or not to have sex. it is impossible, and above all else disrespectful to your child.

Adn howwould youteach your daughter tot ake responsibility for herown actions and decisions? I am sorry but hypothetically here, SHE CHOSE TO HAVE SEX. Was she right? I don't personally believe so, but it was still her choice.
If yuor daughter would have chosen tot ake a gun to school at 14 and shoot someone because ofa disagreement , or lets even say because the person had physically hurt her in some way, she would be tried as an adult for murder (assuming she was an accurate shot of course). Yet, she is thirteen. She isnot legally able to choose to use a gun or anything of that nature. Yet she would be held acountable for making that choice.

As parents, we need to all step back and realize, all legalities to the side, it does not matter. A teenager, child, adult doesnt matter the age, is going to choose actions even if they are not suppsoed to, if they want to. And if that choice involves more than one person, then every person who is actively involved needs to face any consequences.

they should both hold equalresponsibility. Period. It took them both to consent, then the decision was mutual, as should be the responsibilities.

True but we are not talking about felonies here - just sex. Who should be responsible the older or younger person?

Read most of your postings - while very opinionated (I respect that) but glad to say I dont have to agree.

An adult and a child are not equally responsible thats like putting a bandaid on a large cut.

A responsible adult knows its illegal (depending on state as most here are looking for loopholes) to have sex with a minor (under 18); but still choose to do so because they can... this is not right, still illegal no matter how u dress it up.

What do you instill in your kids regarding sex? wait until marriage? do you tell them sex with minors is illegal? do you discuss STD's, unwanted pregnancies, etc...

Lets not make this personal - hypothetical looking for input and a good solid debate.