he was 19, I thought. One of her peers.

Daniel- I don't want to get into a debate with you, honestly..but when my daughter was 12 a 17 year old boy pressured her into having sex. She really was not capable of making a decision like that at 12; and he really should have known better. I pressed charges; I did not want him to go to jail but I wanted him to know he should not target little girls. He got probation and community service and I was fine with that. He just needed to know. It wrecked her whole life back then.

At 17 now, she makes her own decisions about these things, and I support her.

now I have to agree with you about 17 and 12, that is too much of an age differance at too young an age for both sides. I am also glad to know that he got probation and community service, and that you were not looking to ruin his life in return.

BUT when they ARE closer in age, then I say both kids have to be held equally liable for their actions.

I agree 100%.

See? Iknew we could come to an agreement



Just do me one favor? remove the lips before I have to repaint my living room walls and ceiling?

Isn't making the decision to take the pill a responsible act?? Or in your mind are girls supposed to be "pure" when she marries her husband who has banged all the whores in town???

Lets put the facts on the table

Kids have sex

Pregnancy is preventable

STD's are preventable

Taking precautions to not become preganant and getting STD's is responsible, and very responsible for a 16 year old

A 16 year old that can talk to her parents about haveing sex is a wonderful thing...

Now Daniel thinking about your stance on sex...do you think your children will come to you.... speaking as a 16 y o who was having sex, and had parents who were very staunch in their views much like you....thank the Goddess I was smart enough to handle things the way I did....... Smart enough to take the pill and use condoms...... and look my parents preached abstinence....... hhhmmmmm shoots that therory all to sh*t doesn't it??????

Lily, I dont want to debate with you, but I think you have missed my point throughout all this.

From the very beginning I have said parents should realize and accept that in the end if a teenager wants to have sex, they are going to do so. And that parents, instead of being all forboding and disciplinary about it, should teach responsible sex, which yes does include the concept of abstinance as a possible avenue of choice. I have note ever said that abstinance is the only way and that is what should be taught. I could not ever eventhink of condoning such a practice. However, just because it was not a choice you, or others, made, soes not mean it is not an option to some.
I have also stated that I am raising my boys to know that in the end it is their choice, and nothing I can do will prevent them from making that choice for themself. the end result is that they WILL know all about contraception (not just abstinance), they WILL know all about the different type of std's out there, and they WILL know that I will expect them to be responsible if they choose to have sex. Wether or not they protect themselves or partners will be their choice, but they willl understand the consequences as much as you can undertsand them wihtout having lived them.
AND if they do impregnate their girlfriend, they will be required to goto work and help support the child and mother WHILE THEY CONTINUE TOWARDS THERE HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA, even if it means they have to do night school instead, if they want to continue to live under my roof.
They will understand that I will require them to be willing (my boys) to sit down with the girlfriend, her parents and me (and my wife if I am married) and to discuss the possible options available, to include adoption. I will work with the girls parents to assist in whatever way I can, to include time spent at my place (the baby and the mother) so that the mother can continue to get her education as well.
If my boys do not want to accept responsibilty while uder my roof, they will not be under my roof any longer than I have to have them there (michigan a boy can be kicked out at 16 without a reason). Some may consider this harsh but I will not condone irresponsable behavior in the matter of sex under my roof.

the point is though, that when my boys come to the point where they need to decide yea or nay, they will know as much as I can possible teach them, and they WILL be able to feel comfortable coming to me to discuss it (or at least i will do everythign Ic an do to make them feel comfortable).

And yes when I say they will have to be willing to sit and discuss all options, I mean I will even discuss abortion if they bring it up, even though I am dead against it, as it is their choice not mine, and i will do everything I can to prevent the girl from being forced into an abortion against her will; as I said it is THEIR choice, not mine or anyone elses.

They will know I do not agree with it, but I will help them get any information they need in order to have it done safely if that is what they choose. And I will not hold it against them, or love them any less if they choose abortion.

Daniel why would you kick a sixteen year old out on the street knowing that with no diploma and a child on the way ,he would have no way to support himself or the baby.That's not only harsh but irresponsible also.JMO

That first sentence says it all...... under your iron fist.... ya... they aren't coming to you with problems... trust me. And with your stance on abortion, what are you going to do if they choose that option?? Rule with an iron fist again?

As much as you can say "they will feel comfortable coming to me" you don't know if they will or will not.... everyone is different. Growing up my dad was the "softer" parent, but I would never in a million years have gone to him if I had ever been or thought I was pregnant.....

Then stop spouting the fact that you are anti-choice...you're pro-choice accept that.....

I am not saying I agree with kicking 16 y/o's out for no reason. However, I will not ever support someone who is choosing to be a deadbeat parent or partner. This includes providing free roof and food. If my boys decide they are responsible enough to have sex, then they have to accept that they need to be responsible the whole way through not just until things become rocky.
No, I do not expect them to "marry the girlfriend in order to make it right". Nor do I expect them to kill themselves trying to do too much, which is why I will sit and talk with the other parents as well in order to provide what assistance I can in HELPING them be responsible. But I will NEVER assist someone in being a deadbeat. If they want to choose to be a deadbeat, then they can dos o somewhere else.

I will say this once. Do nOT change my words around and do NOT say what I am or am not.

As far as abortion goes, I will NOT ever agree it is right. However, right now it is a legal choice, and thus if my kids choose it as an option, then I will help them make sure to get it done right, even though I do not agree with it. This is because they have the legal right to choose this path, and I do not want them to try getting it done in a way tat is gong to harm the mother.
Assisting someone in getting something done right, does not mean you agree with their choice or beliefs.

Hi everyone,

Please keep it civil,

Thanks,

Mark

I trust you wish for the best; but in all honesty...I would, could never ever help my child get an abortion. I would not pay for it. I would not lead them to it. I would not condone it.

They would be very much on their own in doing such a thing. This would be my blood as well. My grandparents rights would not have any say in this matter leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth. It would most certainly make me sick and cause a pain that would be hard to get over. I would still love my children, no matter what; but to condone it.....never in my day.

Kat

I am not saying I would condone it, or hlep in paying for it. I would however help them find a reputable place to have it done, instead of going to some shed in the slums and using a coat hanger. And they would definitely know it was against my beliefs. But again, if your child is going to trust you enough to come to you with a problem, then they need to know that even if they choose to do something you do not agree with, that they can still count on you for guidance and counseling, if not necessarily monetary assistance or such. They need to know that you will always love them and accept that they have the right to make their own choices and mistakes just like you did.

Sorry...I wasn't jumping on you or anything. I was simply stating my thoughts and beliefs.

My boys...ALL of them, know they can tell me anything. We talk all the time. But...they also know my feelings and beliefs.

These days people know they have options other than back alleys and sheds to have abortions. I was saying though; that I would never lead them to any of those places.

I am sure you are a good dad. I have no doubt. I would not help my child murder, either by abortion or by giving them a gun.

I know that there are many people here that do not see it as murder; but I do. I have seen the embryo at two months. It was hard to look at. It was all too human and it was a tiny tiny baby.

Kat

Thank you, I know you weren't trying to pounce at me, lol. I just wanted to clarify that I would not condone it if my children chose that route. I would simply help make sure they did it legally and properly so that there weren't two deaths instead of one, although I would not help financially.

Sorry I remembered age wrong. Still think 16 versus 19, quite an age span.

I think we may be over thinking this at this point.

A 16 year old had sex.... I don't know alot of people who either haven't had sex at that age, or at least knew someone who had it at that age.

However, the girl...and only because she is upset about it, needs to go to some kind of counseling. As a parent, even the best parent in the world can only counsel their kids so much, the kids are only going to give out so much information to a parent.

Is the 19 year old in the wrong...ABSOLUTELY. But I know 30 and 40 year old men with the same mentality, that haven't grown up yet. Hopefully that can be a life lesson for her on who to trust and not to trust..... no offense...but alot of guys lie to have sex... that is just a fact of life...not all, but yes alot do.

If the girl gets some help with her self esteem..... she will be fine. The boy....send him my way...I'll teach him a lesson or 5 about respecting a woman......