1) boy meets girl
2) they discuss love, and then fall "in love", supposedly with "each other" as a one-on-one encounter to be determined as they grow toward each other
3) the default has been that every woman I have dated has broken the pact, and been unfaithful

I think it isn't so much internally caused, but externally caused from a typical societal malfunction in our society that typically leans towards selfish satisfaction, and not toward commitment and a quality of life inside the means of the common good for both... instead, self-serving, and ultimately, becomes a choice to be unfaithful... in my experience

I'm saying this society does not have a majority of goodness, but instead a majority of maliciousness, and unfaithfulness...

i.e. "The divorce rate" has skyrocketed... because there is a breakdown in the society... due to selfishness, people leaning more toward entertainment, and shallowness, rather than anything deeper and beyond the surface...

That's my view

I have to disagree with you on this on TM....in you theroy that 'no one person is "faithful" anymore' line


I am very faithful to my partner!! always have been, always will be! In fact.. I am offended by this statement!!

get you facts straight before you 'clump' everyone together!!!!

do you expect whomever your with to be at your beck and call? do you expect her to stop her life and wrap it around yours? do you really expect to be the center of her world........you make all these allusions to social unfaithfullness it seems to me that you expect someone to stop everything and bask in your image only to turn off whatever prev friendships/relationships they've ever had and be yours only..........if that's what your looking for then yes we are all whore's.........I have a ? do you stop talking on here when your in one of your so called realationships?

But it is my experience, that by the time I dust myself... and get involved with somebody else... regardless if they are from a typical "quality" social group... the experience is the same... the woman becomes unfaithful, and the relationship ends.

Not sure what the cause is... it definitely has nothing to do with "luck"... luck is a metaphysical thing... my only conclusion is that, from a social perspective, the whole world is screwed up, and I am better off living alone.

Again define unfaithful. pretend i'm stupid and break it way down......LOL

enjoy I guess

I am thinking that you are in a minority. I am not making an absolute that you, as a faithful person do not exist, I am saying you are a minority, and an extreme minority. This is my experience with relations, not some major scientific research project.

So, any suggestions on how to find the "faithful" types?

My recent attempt included this...

... I determined within myself to work on a friendship first. Upon developing a friendship with this person, we found out that we had a great deal of things in common, we enjoyed each other's company, and (at the time) we both made an open announcement on this web site (we met here) of that special relationship.

I thought she was a quality woman, and I let my defenses down. Only to figure out later that she had been in communication with someone else, in the same manner, on another bulletin board. Then, out of the blue she stopped returning my e-mails (for no reason) and stopped returning my phone calls... and then I discover they have planned to meet in his home state.

I would have thought this one was a "keeper"... but she did not possess the qualities of faithfulness. My observation was that she was from a more refined moral code, and professed to be faithful to her religion (Christianity) and told me numerous times it had been over five years since she had dated anyone.

Later, I find out this other man had been in the background the entire time. She even said the words "I love you" to me, and supposedly that means something, which I guess to some people, is just a form of self-entertainment.

I gather this, plus every relationship I have had since I was a teenager, and in the gathering of facts, the woman has been unfaithful 100% of the time in every relationship, with women coming from all walks of life....

At this I come to the conclusion that the world is pretty messed up...

I am a good man, with many good qualities, but this is the outcome each and every time.

I am thinking it is better for me to live alone than to persist in discovering the same outcomes in the world of love relationships. This is my world view, from my experiences.

No, no, and no...

You are assuming a lot... beck and call? Not even... live free... stop her life? Not even... I had the hunch that I was adding a lot to her life... but that I was not enough... she needed to entertain herself with other men at this same level (love)... Center of her world?... no... you seem to think I am Fred Flintstone or something... you don't have a clue... and you are making a lot of stupid assumptions...

Bask in what image?... you don't have a clue who I am...

In this recent example, we had communicated clearly that we wanted a one-to-one relationship... and I find out she was entertaining the same types of thoughts and intentions with another man... in fact, she went from her home state to his home state to visit him... maybe you need more facts, but that's all I need to say.

In my experience every woman I have ever dated has done this same similar thing... lead me on... sucker me in... then I figure out she is playing the same game with more than just me...

I call that a break down in the society... the probability of this happening 100% of the time to any human being is just to high to be anything else...

Finally!!!!Some male bitterness(which the women hate).As a whole they have no accountability,but individually they are wonderful.

we both posted a comment in our profile that stated that we each had found someone special, and we both changed our profiles from "seeking relationships" to "seeking friends"... (I have since changed mine back to "seeking relationships", but I have my doubts that it even exists)

So, beyond trying to pick me apart, and failing at that... do you have any positive input as a matter of constructive stuff someone could try in the future?

After all, the thread here is "Relationship Advice"... do you have any of that?

Not exactly bitterness, more like analysis...

In my situation, it was the woman who kept pestering me about love... love... love...

So, I fall into the trap...

And then figure out she's playing the same sick game with somebody else... for all I know... multiple somebody else's...

Accountability is primarily the subject at hand...

Don't tell somebody "I love you",, and then be caught offering the same (evidently) vain expressions to somebody else...

I think we have a generation of Internet love addicts that at times use these web sites to fulfill their emotional addictions... at least that is what I was just the victim of...

And I can make whatever conclusions I like... from where I am standing... as the J. Geils band put it... "Love Stinks"....

Upon further inspection... I'd have to admit that I am fairly pissed-off at the outcome of my last love attempt. It wasn't my fault that it went south. The woman evidently has some problems with emotional addictions. Its all about the conquest to some people.

I guess I'm just not shallow like that... and in an honest observation, I do believe the world is pretty messed up... when you talk to somebody for literally HOURS and hours, write to them... share with them about all types of things...

Then they disappear, hook their hooks into some other man... and leave you high and dry with narry a "good-bye"....

Sort of leaves a guy with a puzzled look on his face.....



TM

is that what they call the men also??

I think in today's world there is more fear of commitment because most of us have been thru the mill as far as relationships occur.I would continue to keep an open mind and never give up on finding that relationship.good Luck.

Maybe you've just had really sucky experiences and that would leave most feeling resentful. Divorcing this month. I thought it was going to be last week, but for sure this month!!! In April I would have been with him for 27 years, including the 15 months we dated, and I was never unfaithful. One day I hope to be in love again with a kind, considerate & fun man! Some do like to live alone. It's not the way I hope it remains.

well to be honest i think your filtering all this through the eyes of a burned man, and you can't do that the right woman will see that and run. you have to come into this with a clean slate. i had to learn that lesson too, and i didn't see it til recently and now i'm actually meeting quality gals, they may not be my match, but they are good people, who are just caught up in the same situation i'am, single and unable to meet the right person, unfortunately i wasn't that person, and i have to live with that and move on and not allow it to hold me back. so you shouldn't allow that to get you all frustrated, cause it will affect you, and women zero in on that

There's no guarantees

I learned that ...

On pretty much anything

Hi Telephone Man......

A lot of the times, old tapes are playing on a subconscious level in our minds,in regards to relationships( this may go all the way back to childhood and early experiences with our parents) ....therefore,old tapes playing may very well be at the root of the seemingly same attraction to the same types...over and over.....all unknowingly being done on an unconscious level, of course.

Check out some help books on why we attract the same types....or google info on this subject....hope this helps.
Be Blessed and Encouraged Now....Believing you can break this cycle, Telephone man. Just believe....:)

I think right now, I really don't care if "women zero in" on anything about me... its like there are types of people who want to corral you behind their fence to satisfy their drive toward the conquest of the chase... mostly for sport I am figuring out... then, once you have slipped behind the locked gate, they slap a branding iron onto your ass... then move on to bigger and brighter pastures in search of the next victim...

I'm not planning on going back the "the market" of dating or relationships at this time... so why not spill my beans here, and try to figure some of this out?

Why should I be afraid to talk about anything and everything?

I think that is the EXACT point I am making... if people can't handle reality, then they aren't worthwhile as friends... they are shallow, and can't handle the bad with the good... that is the A-typical problem with people lining themselves up in a relationship to be "fair weather friends"...

I think someone out there has had similar things happen to them... or I would never have posted any of this... I am not hoping to "make their acquaintance"... not at all... in fact right now I am typically withdrawing, and get the heck away from this type of situation... but by posting, maybe somebody else will consider some of this stuff, and some of the gunk posted will amount to positive knowledge on down the road...

who knows...

but as far as being convinced to fear what people think by refraining for speaking openly... NOT... I'll speak my mind... and anybody that can't handle it ... well, I could care less at this point...

Reality isn't often the same as the asinine fairy tale some people paint into their psyches about relationships... bad experiences are part of life's realities... God knows I have had my share... all bad... never even one good experience of a long-term relationship, ever...

so to hell with it... I'm happy being single, and my view is that the world is severely screwed up... that's my take on it...

The problem with the psychiatric "subconscious" approach to all this is that it puts the blame on me... which would in the end, be just fine if I was the one who was always un-faithful...

I do not attract the same "types" of people... every woman I have dated has been of a different "type"... what I end up discovering is that they do have one common thread, they all tend to become un-faithful to the relationship after only a short amount of time...

Those are not choices I make... it is the choices of the people I am involved with... those choices are not in my control... I date so infrequently, that the probabilities of this happening are extremely thin, yet the statistics of the same thing happening are 100%...

It has nothing to do with subconsciousness...

I live in the real world, not some subconscious Freudian state... and I believe this "real world" of existence has a severely down-graded sense of morality... there are some few-and-far-between examples of fidelity... hurray for that... but I am saying, in the majority, humans are whores... men and women both...

I prefer celibacy to whoredom... sorry... I'll remain single and to myself... I am much happier this way...