This is a letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor
and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph...


Dear Mr. Thatcher,


I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak
Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and
down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how
crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe
and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever
suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the
month is s tarting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now,
my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes
to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body
amazing?
As Brand Man ager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers monthly visits from Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control be havior.
You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only
last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testi cles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told
her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
! Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America
is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings
me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted
to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always
maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you fu*ing kiddin g me? What I mean is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think ! happine ss - actual smiling,
laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will
never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself
up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you
don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and
a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have
to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. ;


Best, Wendi Aarons Austin , TX


PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Have a happy period! Bah, I don't even have the balls to think that, much less say that to someone that's having their period. Wow.

so true

They should put a warning label on the box that reads:

CAUTION!
"Do not leave your house, operate any heavy equipment, or get behind the wheel of a vehicle while using this product"

check please