A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."

From the audience a man shouts, "You lying [-oops-]!"

"Silence in the court!" the judge thunders.

He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You goddamn cheapskate!" screams the spectator.

"Quiet!" yells the judge.

"You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.

The Judge thunders back, "If you don’t give me a good reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold you in contempt!"

He replies, "Your Honour, I've lived next to that lying [-oops-] for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!"