But would you like to know parts of my neck???

Cya in Hawaii in a few years....

You are charming and sensitive...intelligent and warm...close to my age...and I am...relocatable (a word? ).

I THINK U SOUND LIKE A GREAT GUY. BUT FRIENDSHIP IS WHERE ANY GOOD AND LASTING RELATIONSHIP STARTS. TALKING, LISTENING AND GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE. LAUGHTER AND LOTS OF IT. TIME IS WHAT IT TAKES. EVERYBODY WANTS TO MOVE SO FAST,BUT A RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON PHYSICAL ONLY LASTS A SHORT TIME AND BRINGS LOTS OF BAD FEELINGS. TAKE YOUR TIME,GET TO KNOW THE LADY, THEN HAVE SOME FUN.

Most men - and you are no exception - have great attractive qualities that would make them an excellent partner for any woman.

However, most of these men - and you seem to be no exception - have trouble finding dates or girlfriends or friends with benefits or whatever they're looking for.

Now, why is that? You have all of these positive responses from women on this discussion thread that confirm your value as a good potential suitor...but you still seem to have some trouble finding a date?

The truth is, most men just don't know how to sell themselves. There are many great products out there, but only the ones with effective advertising get purchased.

People in the PUA (pickup artist) community acknowledge the fact that every man has something great and attractive within them that he can offer to women, and have developed the best methods to convey these attractive qualities, to basically become the best "dating salesmen" out there, or however you want to see it.

I think you'll benefit from checking out my thread, "Pickup Artist Secrets Revealed!" in this forum.

I realize you asked for women's opinions on this..and completely expect to be discounted some due to that disclaimer.

I've got a few years on ya. Approaching 45 pretty quickly. I live in one of the least populated parts of this country....

You look pretty healthy and youthful. You live within 50 miles of one of the most densely populated places on the West coast.

I've never looked for a relationship, or intimate partner in my adult life. I've never felt compelled to sell myself either. You will never hear or read me telling anybody I am much of this or that. If anything... I'll tell people who ask my opinion to go ask someone else. Because my opinion really doesn't matter. Just because I say I'm a great guy, does not make me one. It is much more valid if someone else says I'm a good guy, complete turd...or whatever in between.

I've not seen the value of jumping into a crowd to see who I can come away with. It is sort of like harvesting an entire field of corn... When I only want one special ear of corn. Rather then sit on the side of the field minding my own business until I inadvertently spot the one that gets my attention, the one that wants my attention.

There is no chase, no games, no real competition either. Of course.. at times I innocently flirt and investigate along the way... but when someone gets my attention...any overtures are clear and present. To her alone. Not her getting caught in a shotgun blast I simply fired into the crowd.

I let her make up her own mind about what kind of person I am, based on her experiences with me ~ rather than impose an idea of what I'd like her to believe.

I have no idea how exactly this pertains to your situation. You and I are in very similar circumstances in many aspects regarding distance and age, which you suspect are the issues....

Yet.. I can count the years I've been alone since adolescence on one hand.. and the majority of those years were by choice.

[edit] Please pardon the corn analogy, ladies. I do not intend to compare women to a vegetable.

Well... I believe in being honest and sometimes my honesty is pretty blunt so here goes...


On a first date, your description of the kisses would be going a bit too far for me. Once I got to know you though the whole description would be heaven to me. It's those moments of quietly just sharing each other's company that mean more and say so much more than words ever could.

So... I think you are on the right track but might need to tone it down just a little.

Hey Chief,

Thanks for the input. I always appreciate your threads.

I did read what you suggested and even had a couple of close friends read it too. Instead of trying to form any true opinion about things within myself, I use "outside" sources, such as friends I have known 20+ years...and I ask them "am I think way?" or "how do you see me in such or such a circumstance?" That way I try not to miss something I may be overlooking.

After reading what you posted, I find that most all of that I possess. I'm just stuck in an area that has many things against me. This is a "winter resort" area for the most part. It's for mainly rich old people during the winter. hell, after 9 pm the streets are basically empty and the area shuts down.

I don;t do the bars/clubs, because that's usually the same old crowd with alcohol and or drug dependent shallow people (not saying all, but definitely most).

The two biggest things to do during the day is golf or play tennis, which I don't do either.

But I have not been out looking very long, so will give it some time. I'm definitely selective, as we all should be. So will see what happens.

Thanks again!

I appreciate the outlook.

And well, I'm not real close to a big population, well not 50 miles anyway. LA is about 120 due west past the mountains. And the thought of battling that traffic is enough to drive me crazy!

It is a matter of distance and age and some other things at this particular time. Just like you, I understand its not tough just to "find someone". That's easy! But finding the "right" person that you can really "click" with..that's the tough part! It's just like finding sex. that's actually very easy for men or women, but to find the "great sex" is a lot tougher! And once you have had "great" then just ordinary will be nothing but a disappointment in the end.

But I will wait, because even though "loneliness" SUCKS BIG TIME.. I know that being in a bad/wrong relationship is even worse.

I actually started this thread just because of another thread that I was involved in.

So this is more of an "evidence" seeking thread than it is anything else.

Thanks again for the input and ALL input is always welcome!

Wow, I can;t believe people are still responding to this thread!

Thanks for the input.

Just to clarify, my example was a "general" statement...has nothing to do with a "first date" scenerio. It's was just to show my outlook on "romance" in general. because with some guys "romance" could be a walk down to McD's and then to the bowling alley and then back home to watch football on TV while the women gets him the beers.

Time will tell.

DUDE! Did you see this?? Looked like a good solution!!

LOL. yeh thanks bro! She is the one I'm in some serious kinds of talks right now! Just started a whole new thread! One problem, she is half the country away from me...but the chemestry is right on the money at this point...so we ARE talking about us at the moment.

So thanks for pointing that out!

Will let you know whats happening.

I know where you are. Exactly where. I spent the first part of my life in Orange County, 10 minutes from the beach. My Father was one of the Premier Engineers of the space explorations of the time. Were you are is where we went to vacation.. along with Big Bear, Yosemite... on the Grape Vine... Later as an adult.. I worked for a company based in Garden Grove. With offices and warehouse space in Paramount and Downey. We had vendors in San Bernadino, Corona, and Escondido. It was not uncommon to receive guests from anywhere in Palm Springs...

Of course you live 120 miles from L.A. However.. long before you get there you run into Moreno, Riverside... North of that? Redland, Loma Linda and San Bernadino. South? San Yacinto.

Sure these places are a bit of a trip.. Nothing more than a few hours though, even in heavy traffic.



Perhaps you misunderstand? Maybe I was not clear enough. I have been with who I wanted to be with. With only a few exceptions...Each and every time. I have not had many relationships. Far less then many of my contemporaries. I can rattle off names and dates without much thought at all... since I was 14. For the most part.. each were worth my time.. and potentially my life. Thus far? That has not worked out.. Most are still very dear friends. All, I care dearly for. All were very much worth my time and effort no matter how it worked out.
A few of them I met that were at least an 8 hour drive away... Sometimes an 8 hour flight... and I hate airports, airplanes... So?

The one I'm thinking about now? If she lived a mountain range and some city traffic away? This sentence would not exist.. I'd be packed and down the road...
She isn't though.. Shes a two day drive (If I drive civilly) or a 4 hour flight. So?

I've got a few years on her... So?

There are many other complications.. So?

One of my points was... If Distance and age were that much of a factor.. I'd be thinking of someone in my hometown, who is my age...
Hell.. I may as well go after my neighbor! I'm not sure if he would appreciate me after his fat ass.. but hell.. he is close and the right age, single with no kids, ex husband, we get along pretty well.... Who cares that we are both heterosexual...

My driving point though.. I've not felt lonely in a very long time.. unless I was lonely for someone. Someone with a name. Someone that I could touch. Someone I am missing.

I cannot recall feeling lonely when I was alone. When there was no one to miss. I cannot fathom that feeling. Feeling lonely for something intangible.

In that.. I don't chase after intangibles.
I don't sell myself to people.. Broadcast or shotgun... in an effort to find that feeling...

That feeling? Always finds me. That person for that time in my life..always is there. Even if they are not. That feeling is mine. I own it. There is a higher power who puts the opportunity before me to give it to someone. Provided I am quiet and listening.

The other option is to go by my plan, trying to make things happen... and completely miss the opportunities.

Maybe.. hopefully, the next is the one I complete my life with.. Maybe not. Either way? All I have to offer is hers.

I've learned that the best way to live life is as if I have nothing to lose. It sure beats how I lived before.. as if I had everything to lose.

Great post..and I agree. Again, this post was really an "off-shoot" of another post. More of a "fact/opinion" starter. It has been cool to see all the views from all the people.

So thanks to everyone in this thread!

Which bars and clubs do you go to? Modern day speakeasies? I'm willing to bet that plenty of people that go to the bars and clubs in your area are good people, and that every single woman in there you see as "shallow" has a deeper, more profound and beautiful side to her that you can unlock with the right kind of care.

Personally, I rarely do the bar/club thing (I guess that would depend on your definition of "rarely"). I'm only 18, so I can't get into most bars/clubs. Every time I'm in one, however, I like to think I am looking from a unique perspective. Most men see a disgusting hunting ground full of drunk women dancing their booties off. I see it as a social gathering where people come to connect with everyone else, and many people just resort to external substances such as alcohol in an attempt get over that self-destructive mindset of "never talk to strangers" that we all grew up with... but theyre all actually decent people in one way or another. So, I would certainly recommend trying out the bar/club scene more.

However, as I have said, I rarely do the bar/club thing due to my age. So, what are my alternatives? I love downtown and shopping places. Do you have a mall anywhere around you?

Hey Cheif,

Well I have some years on you here and expereince at least in the bars/club scenes. I'm 42 and tried them many times at your age. And even now, on the very rare occassion my lesbian girl friend (meaning she is just a friend) drags me out to a club because she loves to dance.

And I'm a "people watcher", so i can usually be very accurate within 5 min of talking to a person face to face in what thier character is like.

Unfortunately the bar/clubs scene had not changed one bit in the over 20 years I have been around. Most (not all) have issues and usually some sort of dependency on alcohol and or drugs. many of the women at a "club" can be there just to dance and most of the men are just trying to get laid. It's a typical scenerio that repeats itself over and over. So honestly, your chances of finding someone with long term potential at a bar/club is very slim. thats why I don;t even waste my time with them.

Luckily I have found someone here..out of the blue and a total surprise..and we are currently talking and exploring each other's interests and as a person..and it's so far very amazing. You can catch up on those details in another thread I have going if you are interested in following that up.

So after looking at all my "options" in meeting someone, the Internet is actually not a bad place. Yes, you get a LOT of strange people too, but you'll find that anywhere. So thats where everything sits for now.

Thanks again and will see you here in the threads!

great to hear!
i was about to also recommend checking out bookstores, though

Yes that could be a good place..I can see that. But the internet also gives you "volume" of choices, instead of having to wait and wait to see who comes in. But certainly can agree..a bookstore would at least let you know they can READ!

No one likes being lied too. those who do make it bad for the ones who dont.

I certainly agree...but ummmm..not sure where this is fitting in???