Maybe I'm just out of touch with dating but I really struggle with smalltalk. When I see someone I like on here I can't but help asking them if they would like to meet for some coffee and chat.

Online is not reality for me and it becomes a little awkward to chat. The excitement of meeting for real is much better than passing messages back and fourth. If meeting up works, Great, you've done brilliant to find someone, if not be polite and move on.

Online is somewhat false.

Hi.

I get what you're saying and see nothing wrong with this at all.

However, I DO like to chat 1st. You can learn a lot from the tone of a conversation. Is it fluid or slow and very limited.

If fluid, there is possible attraction there. If slow (message replies take a day or two to get back) then it's likely there's no attraction.

My pet hate on the site is when I get a message that simply says Hi. Not a lot to go on, but I always reply back to ALL messages, because it took courage to even write Hi.

But then to not get anything back when you reply in a good way, is kinda off putting.

We all have our own ways of opening dialogue and not one way is wrong.

I wish you luck in what you're looking for mate and I wish myself luck to :)

JUST LIKE EVERYWHERE MEN ARE THE SAME HERE, ALSO

GOES FOR THE LADIES...FOR EXAMPLE MEN PREFER TO

GET TO THE POINT, THE LADIES ON THE OTHER HAND

PRIDE THEMSELVES ON RELATIONSHIPS SO IT NOT ABOUT

GETTING TO THE POINT IT'S MORE ABOUT FEELINGS AND

EMOTIONS ON THE WAY TO THE POINT.....THAT'S ONE OF

THE AREA'S MEN AND WOMAN HAVE PROBLEMS IN

LISTENING......IT'S NOT SO MUCH FALSE, ITS MORE

ABOUT THE WAY'S WE ARE DIFFERENT.........BOTH ARE

LACKING IN COMMUNICATING SKILLS........ONE OF THE

MOST LOVING THINGS YOU CAN DO FOR ANOTHER HUMAN IS

BEING THERE FOR THEM BY LISTENING AND KEEPING OUR

OPINIONS TO OURSELVES.AND HEAR THERE POINT OF VIEW

AND EXCEPTING IT AS VALID.....GOOD LUCK....

If you struggle with small talk it doesn't matter whether you're online or not, you will have trouble with it regardless.

And going online, you cannot expect to just send a woman "Let's go for coffee!" without having a bit of a chat. Again the same as in real life encounters. You don't go up to a woman you see somewhere saying "Let's go for coffee" either. That has a high creep-level.

You say you lost touch with dating. Brush up on it as that's where the problem lies. The skills required are basically the same online as offline.

I agree that online can feel stilted. And getting along online doesn't mean you will get along in person.

But many people here are shy (that could be why they haven't found a partner offline) and some are a little scared. So they want to talk a little, get a feel for what kind of person you are, before making that big scary step of actually coming face-to-face with another human being.

So be willing to explore common interests, not to discuss them much but just to find if you have any. Is this a gormless person who you won't be able to tolerate when you do meet, or will there be something you can talk about?

As for small talk.. I remember once at a chamber of commerce event, a speaker asked the roomful of over a hundred, who among us felt they were good at small talk. All of us in the high-powered, go-getter category of people. Two people put up their hand: just two! Most of us are even worse than that 2% and we could all do with a little help and sympathy.

Like Mark says, sometimes it is so hard to get any kind of conversation going. I suspect such people would not be those you want to meet for a cuppa and chat, anyway, so don't feel bad about it: you are weeding them out already

Hello Troubil and Mark .. welcome both of you to mingleland .. where anything is possible

My suggestion .. if you are interested in dating and a relationship .. make that clear in your profile and state that you are keen to meet early . This will not necessarily stop inappropriate attention but should lessen the surprise when you suggest to meet . I think it is really important to meet early . You can have amazing online connections that do not translate to chemistry in person . If you ask twice to meet and both times she comes up with excuses then move on . Yes online safety is important to most women but there are ways to check the legitimacy of someone and ways to reduce risk when meeting in person . ., you can help in this regard by understanding and helping her to feel reassured .

Keep in your sights what you want

.. asking someone to meet for coffee is hardly what I describe as being forward and direct .. so go ahead and ask :-)

As for small talk online .. many women are likely to be guarded with personal information .. so small talk may not progress your connection . However , it should give you a sense of how (and if) you connect .

You are both handsome men and should have no problems meeting women . Wish you both the very best of luck

If you struggle with small talk, find chatting awkward, and don't like passing messages back and forth, which by the way IS communicating, WTF are you going to do when you meet for coffee? Exchange puppet shows?

Its what your used to, i went to what was laughably called a paperless school, we used as much paper as any other school, but i guess it sounded good to the voters.

Look at this way, you use a phone without thinking about it, go back a hundred years and they used the telegraph and smoke signal.

There all the same, you get to talk to people at long range, the diff is in your head. But yes i prefer to meet in real to, so use online to make first contact.

The first impression any one will see of you is your profile, use it like a fisherman used a baited hook, to attract the kind of person your seeking.

Hope this helps a little.

leona

I too am uncertain how to go about this, so I totally understand where you're coming from. I can reply to this comment, and if someone would ask me something, yes totally, but to start, hmmm..., kind of difficult for me.
I feel uncertain about what to say especially as a woman.

I'd rather meet someone face to face. If there's a connection between us, great , if not : No harm done, we part and go our own ways:
Some people might find this rude, but I am just honest and don't like to beat around the Bush. Good luck everyone

There needs to be more in person unity. Online dating is not it. I'd rather talk to real human and have that interaction that is meant to be.