Not sure where to put this...
But I'm curious how this was for other women since so many things come up in me while reading The Heroine's Journey.

Girls are -often indirectly- taught at a very young age that they should take care of others' needs. This is usually at the expensive of their own needs.
We generally pick this up from our mum's behaviour: "Do you want more coffee?" - "You had a long day, you must be tired!" and so on.
And then running around to serve the other person.

This can be with a partner, but also other connections, even children, or friends.
With a partner it could be the woman wants to be dependent to bolster his ego and thus she makes herself small to please him. Some men demand this with their behaviour too btw.

Work & study... I was never supported or helped when I had to choose which way to go when I was 14. And I hadn't a clue. I really needed help. But parents didn't.
And I KNOW that if I'd address this now with my mum what the reaction is going to be: "Yeah but we didn't have time! We had the snackbar and your ill sister to take care of."
And... even now... I feel effing GUILTY to even have the thought that I should've had their time and attention?! I'm 55 FFS!

I always wanted to be an OR assistant, from when I was about 4 yrs old.
Florence Nightingale was my big heroine! In a way she still is. Then, in my 40s, I thought: "Why the hell only an operating nurse? Why not a doctor, the surgeon maybe?"
I simply NEVER thought of it. Because, well, doctors were men. And like Florence women could do some important stuff, but men had the highest positions.

I've done SO much work on feminine energy, given courses in it, but I had NO idea there was still so much in the shadows. So much influence from childhood, society.
And I know this isn't unusual, likely more the default, to this date even.

So... how was this for you?
Were you guided properly as a girl?
Were you helped with choice of career? Told you could be or do anything, not just typical woman's work?
Do you in relationship in sneaky ways put the needs of your partner -and possibly children- before your own?

And so on. I'd like to know how this was and is for you.

My Mom would always see to everyone else's needs before she took time for herself. Even though my siblings and I had chores I always noticed my Mom seemed to go above and beyond. I would do alot of extra things around the house without being asked. When I graduated high school my parents told me I needed to get a job and pay for my own college,or join the service. I never had a free ride, always worked for everything I have. This, I did not go to college until I was 38. I can say I am the only one out of 5 kids that has a degree.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Hi Crystal , As a young girl my childhood was not your normal 'mother and father' scenario. I never knew my mother till I found her when I was 20. So I was bought up in foster care and then by a single working father. Yes, my sister and I did everything, we were not guided at all. I can not remember one word of guidance ever and it was/is so very important. For your mother to say they were too busy...Come on, it takes an hour or so to discuss careers.
The truth is I did not like my father and he knew it. In hindsight I became the opposite of the type of women who would meet all your wants and needs, if I did so, it was because I enjoyed making a home, but my sister became that type of woman.
I am sure you learned a lot of what not to do from your parents, as I did.

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Owww... that must have been hard, growing up that way!
Amazing how we get shaped by all that stuff, isn't it. You must have been very lonely too! Hope you and your sister supported each other!
And yes, I did learn a lot from my parents. Certain thing I consciously wanted to change with my daughter. Only to find out some 10-20 yrs later that with some things I'd achieved the exact same result, only via another route
One thing I sure as hell have done different is not make my kids feel guilty. (my mom still does that btw). I let them know I love them, and I show how proud I am of them when the timing is right. I take an interest in what they do, ask about it, and support them.
I've never gotten anything like that, nor any interest in what I do, from my mother.
Not that I'm a perfect mum. But certain things I sure as heck have done better.

My sister is my best friend We message each other and often write exactly the same thing at the same time together. We are two peas in a pod.

I was an exceedingly hairy girl growing up

Hey Crystal my mom wasn't there for us kids she partying EMOTIONALITY She was not there for anyone it was A sad state of affairs once in a blue moon when she was sober and home and she was a stranger I didn't have a heroine. but I did love and respect my auntys my father sisters,

Happy to hear that, sorry I didn't see it sooner.
But to have that with a sibling is alien to me even though I have a sister. Really happy that you do have that great connection with your sister!

Isn't it sad so many of us didn't have the solid family basis when growing up. Glad you did have your aunts so at least women that were there.

Is it considered improper ettiquet,
to have a woody while wearing knickers?

(Asking for a friend.)

I was fine when the other girls wanted to play with my snorkel.

Till one of them wanted to cut it off and take it home.

I fail to see the relevance with this topic.
I know you like to joke around, but this was a serious and deep topic for women. So I'd consider it improper etiquette to post that here.

Yeah, why can't you have some courtesy?

I was asking for a "friend".

i have a no girl friend sad