I’m sad to say that my pet centipede is on its last legs.

Well you think you're funny, but I don't think you have a leg to stand on.

What do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other. Eileen.

Funny .

A guy goes hiking and finds a rare poisonous centipede. Wanting to show his drinking buddies he puts it in a small ventilated box. Once he gets it home, the guy decides to take the centipede to his local bar. He taps on the box and says, "Would you like to go to Charley's with me and have a beer?" There's no answer from the centipede. He waits a few moments then says, "How about you and me going to a bar?" Again, there's no answer. Thinking the centipede can't hear him, the man goes right up to the box and yells, "Hey! Would you like to go to Charley's and have a drink?!" A little voice comes out of the box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

You are talking about a centipede and not a human centipede right ., just checking .

Either way ., awww poor centipede . Have you tried elevating all legs above heart level ???

Funny Jose .

And she works at IHOP.