Why do most ladies find it hard to break down these proverbial walls they’ve got stopping them from anything she ought to reach out to?

Sobriety?

Speak for yourself girlfriend.

Well... 1) why do you think you know what all women do and feel?

2) we OUGHT to do nothing.

I just made this post to gain some knowledge. And your right, bout the first question.

Would you agree with me that Past experiences can also lead to such level of insecurity whereby everyone gets scared of embarking on a journey that ones left a scar more than once?

Thanks RockGnome
Well Noted

Mostly, its called wisdom. People tend to learn from their mistakes.
However, it is unfair to group all people into a specific behavior when you only have a select few to make that assumption.
Usually, people don't like being stereotyped.

The intent of your question is valid. Its the way you ask it, the word choice, which changes it from a simple question to a stereotypical assumption.

Some people are wary of every encounter because they have been hurt, fooled or scammed in the past.
In communication, words have meaning and inflection and body language helps people determine the context of what is said. In written communication, word choice and their intent must be represented by written words, which is more difficult for some.

You know what you wrote and how you mean it.
The person reading it may not understand your intent because the only thing they have to judge the intent is the words they read.
This is why word choice and sentence structure is important.

When you say everybody or everyone, always and never you are assuming everybody and everyone, you are assuming always or never.
Those words tend to make many people offended or guarded and sends the wrong intent.

Any question that starts "why do (most/all) people..." can be answered by one or more (or combination) of the following:

1. Because of money.
2. Because of perceived alternative cost/risk.
3. Because of perceived value of alternative reward (e.g. attraction isn't high enough).

[quote}Would you agree with me that Past experiences can also lead to such level of insecurity whereby everyone gets scared of embarking on a journey that ones left a scar more than once?
Only to a point.

I mean there's a difference between "I escaped when I was 18, my parents kept me in a cage, fed me only dog food, and I was beaten and molested constantly. Now at 23, having achieved an education, a career, and independence while also working with a therapist, I find it difficult to date due to my past experiences. Being alone, vulnerable, around people I don't really know, I just can't handle it."

And, "why do I seem like a loser psycho magnet? All I seem to date are these narcissistic emotionally abusive people. All my partners keep cheating on me.
I was with this one person for 10 years and all they did was constantly cheat on me, or gaslight me, or mentally/physically/emotionally abuse me!"

Some "such level of insecurity" happens, but is actually rather rare, at the very least you won't really find them on dating sites.
IMO/IME most people that are "too insecure" due to past relationships and dating are right where they want to be, where they've put themselves due to their choices. They are getting what they want.

They aren't insecure, they're irresponsible.
Their "insecurity" is simply a tool they're using to avoid having to be responsible for their own choices.

You know how children learn to manipulate automatic responses from parents?
They cry, scream, whine, plead, throw tantrums, present "sad puppy dog eyes?" huff, and puff, and sigh as teenagers?
You ever take a kid to see puppies and their voice changes, gets higher, and they're all "I promise I'll clean my room and take care of them!"
You ever date a woman and find instances where they start speaking in baby talk? Or just how people start talking in baby talk when speaking to babies?

Everyone has nature given instincts on how to behave towards people. Men, women, children, authority, mom, dad.

In this thread you're referring to women specifically, even though it doesn't necessarily need to be gendered.

A lot of women get into a routine of victimizing themselves in order to be more successful at manipulating a protective response from others.

Forcing someone else to accept responsibility, while maintaining authority.

"I get what I want, you pay for it."
"Oh, sorry I can't give you what you want, you see I'm a victim, I'm sad, insecure, whatever. But you can go ahead and keep giving me what I want. Chase me, validate me, friends first, stay on the backburner, pay for stuff, pull me out of my shell, provide a relationship that benefits me.
Of course I will never say this or think too deep on it as it might trigger something scary, but as soon as you hint at reciprocity or more than what immediately benefits me? Demand anything from me? Consideration, respect, acceptance, sex, love, communication, whatever...well, it's the fault of my past experience, my insecurity, my victimhood, which keeps me from giving you what you want.
Not me! Not my fault! It's my past. Oh. And if you don't keep giving me what I want without reciprocity? If you hold my past against me as I am using it as a shield? Then you're the a-hole."


So "Why do..ladies find it hard to break down these proverbial walls they’ve got stopping them from anything she ought to reach out to?"
They don't need to until it stops getting them what they want.
The only time that they will is going to be when:
1. The cost is too high and it's causing them to lose what they (really) want/have.
2. There is a high enough perceived reward for an alternative strategy.

Thanks Tom
I apologize if I made anyone feel bad with my way of putting the question together. I’m sorry
For everyone that’s been hurt, and for everyone who’s been through pains or had a sad experience in the past. I only meant to seek, so I could find some answers to my inner questions. I’m sorry.

Your .. you don’t need to apologise .. Well done for posting a topic . Try not to take any of the responses personally

Thanks Blondey111
Fr I just feel sad knowing that others hurt.

Only to a point.

I mean there's a difference between "I escaped when I was 18, my parents kept me in a cage, fed me only dog food, and I was beaten and molested constantly. Now at 23, having achieved an education, a career, and independence while also working with a therapist, I find it difficult to date due to my past experiences. Being alone, vulnerable, around people I don't really know, I just can't handle it."

And, "why do I seem like a loser psycho magnet? All I seem to date are these narcissistic emotionally abusive people. All my partners keep cheating on me.
I was with this one person for 10 years and all they did was constantly cheat on me, or gaslight me, or mentally/physically/emotionally abuse me!"

Some "such level of insecurity" happens, but is actually rather rare, at the very least you won't really find them on dating sites.
IMO/IME most people that are "too insecure" due to past relationships and dating are right where they want to be, where they've put themselves due to their choices. They are getting what they want.

They aren't insecure, they're irresponsible.
Their "insecurity" is simply a tool they're using to avoid having to be responsible for their own choices.

You know how children learn to manipulate automatic responses from parents?
They cry, scream, whine, plead, throw tantrums, present "sad puppy dog eyes?" huff, and puff, and sigh as teenagers?
You ever take a kid to see puppies and their voice changes, gets higher, and they're all "I promise I'll clean my room and take care of them!"
You ever date a woman and find instances where they start speaking in baby talk? Or just how people start talking in baby talk when speaking to babies?

Everyone has nature given instincts on how to behave towards people. Men, women, children, authority, mom, dad.

In this thread you're referring to women specifically, even though it doesn't necessarily need to be gendered.

A lot of women get into a routine of victimizing themselves in order to be more successful at manipulating a protective response from others.

Forcing someone else to accept responsibility, while maintaining authority.

"I get what I want, you pay for it."
"Oh, sorry I can't give you what you want, you see I'm a victim, I'm sad, insecure, whatever. But you can go ahead and keep giving me what I want. Chase me, validate me, friends first, stay on the backburner, pay for stuff, pull me out of my shell, provide a relationship that benefits me.
Of course I will never say this or think too deep on it as it might trigger something scary, but as soon as you hint at reciprocity or more than what immediately benefits me? Demand anything from me? Consideration, respect, acceptance, sex, love, communication, whatever...well, it's the fault of my past experience, my insecurity, my victimhood, which keeps me from giving you what you want.
Not me! Not my fault! It's my past. Oh. And if you don't keep giving me what I want without reciprocity? If you hold my past against me as I am using it as a shield? Then you're the a-hole."


So "Why do..ladies find it hard to break down these proverbial walls they’ve got stopping them from anything she ought to reach out to?"
They don't need to until it stops getting them what they want.
The only time that they will is going to be when:
1. The cost is too high and it's causing them to lose what they (really) want/have.
2. There is a high enough perceived reward for an alternative strategy.



This left me in a mood ever since I read 🥺.
Don’t give up, there’s still love for you out there. Even though I got less experience myself in this areas of life, I still feel that, for what it’s worth, Don’t change cause you want to be loved by others. Stay real, and everything true will come knocking. Thanks for sharing🤍

#Bingo.

I don't have Walls! I reach out to Men of interest to me.

Never been a problem!

Obviously this doesnt apply to all and I generalize...but the problems with many...not all, not most, but def' many are inane reality shows such as

Kardashians
Bachelor
Bachelorette..and crap like these

Its warped their minds and given them a skewed sense of actual reality...

Men used to think Harlequinn books and their fantasies about riding along on a beach on the back of a horse clinging to Fabio's waste was a challenge....lol

I Never read Harlequinn books.

But I liked the Bachelorette!

The Bachelor was not good, men go by
Looks and picked wrong. Lol

You mean these shows and books do not reflect real life? Geez one would think one would know these things.... Gutted!!!

Ahh the roaring of the wind.................

Because everyone has a different view of things, there will be different results, which is normal.