I is that when a woman starts mentioning that she needs a man that can take care of her, then there is a slight change of interest....what happened to such men, a man that would take very good care of his queen.

A woMen is grown enough to take care of herself . Why should a man have to care of her ?

Many men are afraid to open their hearts and to do what should be natural to them: give, take care of, provide & protect, help.
I'd take it as a sign that the man who reacts the way you describe isn't the right one for you. It does of course depend on how you address the matter.

Maybe because it's quite normal? And natural. Provided the guy is empowered.

As a man, taking care of a woman to me means spending time with her, treating her well, being a gentleman
That of course does not mean she can't take care of herself. I think men and women both misunderstand that term

Men were not put on this earth to "take care" of women. Just as women were not put on this earth to spend their lives making sandwiches and fetching beer out of the fridge.

If "she needs a man that can take care of her," then beware.

Why ?
"she needs a man" is OK, everyone wants to be needed - wanted.
"a man that can take care of her" can have several meanings:
she actually needs a man, not a boy or a woman; nice to be wanted.
she is lonely for some company or TLC; nice to be wanted.
she is unable to take charge of her affairs and needs help; may be a bit nuts.
she is a parasite looking for a sucker; do a cost/benefit analysis, can you afford it, and possible surprises.
And many other interpretations.

Some men like 'needy' women, to be their saviour and hero.
Some women like to be the damsel in distress.

If someone already can't take care of themself, how can they be an equal and a co-contributor to the relationship ?

I'm not an ATM, or a nurse, or a child minder, or a slave - unless I fall in love. Then logic and sense is out the window.

Taking care of her implies spoiling her with tenderness, attention, loving, efforts, show her how much you care... This little things comfort her and makes her to want to be with you.

You lots are not getting it.

IMO this is a huge problem with online dating.


There are such people, and they're all over the place.
In fact, a lot to most men are truly like this in healthy relationships.
People fulfill the others needs.

But ultimately, if you can't find the person that you're ideally looking for?

Then it's because your expectations are contradictory/unrealistic, and/or you don't represent the type of person or qualities they're seeking.



I mean so far in this OP:
"she needs a man that can take care of her... a man that would take very good care of his queen...spoiling her...makes her to want to be with you..."

What's in it for him?
It's all about her. Her benefit. He gets to "spoil" her (who enjoys being around someone spoiled?). She's on a queen pedestal, he's just a "man." It's about her wanting to be with him, nothing to indicate why he would want to be around her.

Is the only benefit to him simply the pleasure of her existence while she gets spoiled from his efforts?
Why would he behave in the way desired in the OP? What's his motivation?



Maybe you aren't explaining it very well.

Men will generally give a woman what she wants.
But there's always a "cost," she has to "give" him something in return.
Some combination of sex, youth, beauty, commitment, loyalty, respect, reciprocity, fidelity, fertility, commitment, attention, time, attitude, attraction, desirability, etc.


If what you're "really" asking is "what happened to such men. A man that would commit to spoiling her with tenderness, attention, loving, efforts, show her how much you care... This little things comfort her and makes her to want to be with you. Without requiring or expecting anything in return, simply accepting whatever she deigned was worth his efforts, or naturally exuded, if anything at all?"
Those men never existed.

I would refer you to what I said earlier. Expectations are unrealistic/incompatible/contradictory, and/or she simply doesn't offer what he's looking for (despite thinking she does).

Showing Love

Everybody demonstrates love towards others according to the love they feel at the moment.
We live in a Universe of constant change. Being part of that Universe, we are also in constant change.
Likewise, love within constantly changes.

When I demonstrate my love for someone I do it for me. She reaps the benefits but if I didn't feel it, I wouldn't do it.
I get inner pleasure making those I love feel good.
Its my personality which was formed living with demanding alcoholic parents.
I grew up with a serious need to praised.

As I grew older I put that quest away.
Now, I use it only when demonstrating my love.
If someone demands it, I refuse.
It MUST be of my own making or it means nothing to me.

On the other hand, I have no expectations from those who claim to love me.
I allow them to demonstrate their love to me and I happily accept the rewards.
However, their demonstration of their love to me must fit within tthe ideals I have set which constitute love.
Not so much an expectation as a standard.

Violence, lies and selfishness, to me, are not how love is demonstrated.
Everybody's standards are unique.
The trick is to find the person who has the most similar standards.
You have to Choose Wisely

His queen?

You lots are not getting it.

Off with their heads!!!!!!

No need to go back to Medieval times :) Would be a bit drastic.

Haha. That was a good impression

The whole thing with men is definitely weird. I've never noticed it as much as I've done on this site.
First we had men needing to be the sole breadwinner and needing the missus to stay home. Man would get utterly upset if his wife wanted to work and develop herself, create a life for herself outside of household and children. Her driving with him as a passenger could even be an issue.
His self-esteem and ego hinged on his control over woman, and having that control by being the breadwinner and thus having status and a life outside of home.
Unemployed men have more problems than women as it affects their self-esteem.

Now we have a different type of man. He does NOT want to be the breadwinner, he does not want to give, share, take care of, and he does not want to commit.
He does however demand woman to do everything for him, to take care of him, to cook for him, to make an effort for him, to be there when he wants to spend time for him. And above all, he demands she spreads her legs for him whenever he wants to.

The balance is yet again skewed.
The only thing that has never changed is that A) man isn't empowered and balanced and B) men blame woman for everything that's wrong.
Woman is/was responsible for
- not giving him male heirs while man defines the gender
- him not being happy
- the house being a mess
- her not being sexy
- her not wanting to have sex with him
- her being pregnant (again)
- not looking like a model after having had his children
- wanting equal treatment, thus taking his perceived superiority away
- her breaking up with him because he's not right for her
- and so on and so forth

Basically most men are like Adam: Adam's wife wanted equal treatment and stand side by side, have an interdependent healthy relationship.
But Adam wanted a subservient wife. He wanted to be in control. She refused and left him. Then she got a lot of backlash as he couldn't handle her leaving him, and he replaced her with a subservient woman.

So basically Adam was an A-hole. It's about time men start to evolve.

Thank goodness not every man is like this, and it seems to depend on what country you're in. But in general it seems to be what the masculine is stuck in.

That is an interesting story about British singer Adam Ant.

To me, there is a difference between wanting a man in my life versus needing a man in my life.

Who says anyone HAS to or SHOULD have to take care of another person? That's great that women can take of themselves. However, many men take joy and pride from taking care of their queen. He knows she's fully capable and able, but that's not the point. Perhaps that is the man's way of showing his affection and dedication to the woman and maintaining the relationship by nurturing it.