daven, you are right. I never say it was only my ex's fault we do not work out. I believe it takes two to make it and two to break it.

this will screw me up with the ladies in here, I am sure, but here goes.

Three years ago, I fell in love with a friend of some friends and we got together.

We both have pasts that require open eys and we both knew what time it was. We're not kids.

But something got in the middle and a wedge of some silent gulf between us put up a front.

I'm still not certain of what it was. She won't discuss it.

I pushed her away. She didn't ask for that , nor desire that, but I was getting cornered in a place far from my reality and took the bull by the horns and forced her freedom from 'us' onto her.

Three years have passed, we still talk, laugh and joke, but the distance between us remains. We don't go out or date one another and are both single still to this day.

She knows that I'm still in love with her, but that's not something that pulls us together, but something I still have inside me.

I won't stop loving her and don't know what will be if I meet and start a new relationship without her, but in and of itself, I'm not being 100% with that love as long as I leave the door open for someone else.

Be that as it may, she will never become unloved or less than cherished by me.

Just because I thought it best to push her away for her own good, it wasn't a joint decision.

It was and is my bad.

Our pasts and our desires for the best for our S.O. can make for strange days.

Two tango better when the steps are anticipated. It's a fun dance and fun to watch, but no fun to do without clicking.

Everything is possible, but committments need reassurance too!!!

I would not think any lady on here would see anything but the sadness of that situation although understandable. I hope you can find someone who can surpass the love you have for her, it will never take it away but maybe it will out shine it for the good of everyone.

point being, you might still have something there with your ex.

We're rather different in our ways.

Not all guys are selfish.

Some will take a hit or a loss if someone we care about appears better off for doing so.

That is my point.

At the expense of what I've revealed.

no wut i meen?

You don't have to answer that. I know the answer.

I gotcha wouldee, I too have done the same but not at the level you did

he may need time to get over the fact that another guy may be touching you or he may miss the sex..there are too many things to name and not all of them are in your favor..the bottom line if you are finish with him then you should not worry yourself with it

He is just lonely and hasn't found someone else to fill his bed yet. Cold but true!! Break ups are just that break ups! I'm sure your a beautiful, valuable woman and there is a new love for you right around the corner. A guy that will love you and cherish you. Hang in there baby.......stick to your guns!!

That's my advice for what it's worth

Thanks funches and Hadeeya

I think it all depends on what you were arguing about. If he cheated on you or something then I don't think u should get back with him.

Do what I did. Kill the drama. Buy a paper shredder. Don't open note. Put note in paper shredder. Works well!

You wrote your note because you have feelings. Otherwise you would toss the note aside. So..... Are your feelings regarding him important. Can you go through the pain again. Have you or him or both acheived a new level of maturity in "life and relations".

If my ex came around I would say I'm sorry but I cannot go through the samethings again and I do not trust that you are different. It would take huge obsticles for her to overcome if I ever thought she was truthful, honest, spiritual, in all the right ways.

Hope you find an answer in yourself.

I say let him stew and then go to counseling first if there is to be a real effort. Still.... watch your back always on these type of people..... They will be nice up to when they get what they want.

Khaki and longhair thank you and yes both points I have considered



wanna, I too know this. I have always held a certain love for past relationships. You cannot share time with them and not carry with you a love of the person. Whether he has grown, I would have to give him the chance to see, I know that I have grown.

My question basically was, if a man is gone from a woman for four years could he still be in love with her or is it just a line or way of trying to get back in. Most of the guys have said no that it is a line. Two have said yes possibly. What I will do at this point is talk to him somemore to see if I can see where he really stands and address the issue from there. I do not know that I am willing to backtrack and try to see if it is true. I will not stop dating or whatever because of his letter. I will continue with him as if we are friends and talk this issue through.

One thing I've learned, they ALWAYS come back.. all of them. Every man I've dated has come back, sometimes months, sometimes YEARS later. I take it as a complement that I stuck with them but don't allow more than a friendship to resurface. Simply b/c we were exes for a reason...

well with my experience it was that i realized what i had after it was gone. As corny as it sounds.

ive never "went back" to anyone, after breaking up. not once. and when girls that broke up with me called me to hook up, never did it once, just myself would rather look for something new

If mine called i would probably go back! i look at it like this she made me happy, and if she leaves...again...i have dealt with it before and can do it again. But maybe i am just too willing to sacrifice the long term for the short?