100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Burning bridges | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
The bitterness might last another 25 years, you never know. So you deal with it best you can. I would start by giving yourself permission to feel bitter. Curse, throw things, verbalize your anger and all the reasons for it, in the safety of your own house of course. Then, mourn the lost relationship a bit, for the emotional investment you made, and everything you did right. (Feeling REALLY bad means you REALLY invested, all good.) Then add up all your fine points, one by one and use them to move on, to a much better place. Maybe even a few things you learned from this last round, to make the next one better. Then get at it fella, there are a zillion gals out there just ready to ring your chimes ;-) Thanks soufie sound advice. I am particularly interested in this chime ringing thing.:) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When I was growin up as a kid, very few bridges lasted 25 years, even with constant maintenance. Most got torn down, hauled off to the scrap yard or landfill and a new bridge was built. The old one has some good memories but would be dangerous to continue to use.
My marriage lasted 25 (well 24.5) years before it crumbled as well. All the emergency measures I implemented were not enough because the bridge was determined to fail. It kinda pist me off. Such a waste. Finally I said to hell with it and blew it to smithereens and never looked back. I spent some time building temporary bridges but I finally have a bridge that is solid enough and well built. Even it needs periodic maintenance. I don't even think about that old bridge anymore - such a waste of time and energy. From time to time a chunk of that old bridge pops up. It has no power over me. I see it but ignore it because it is no longer a significant part of me. A word of caution: Try not to build too many combat battle bridges. They are easily blown up. A causeway will work in a pinch but those tend to flood out. The best bridges are ones where each side builds and both meet in the middle then bring the best to both sides evenly. The foundation must be strong on both ends AND in the middle. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I look back at relationships with a smile. So many good things I've learnt from them, they helped me grow and develop. Even the highly abusive one, especially that one. It's a shame I needed such a harsh way to learn & find out, but that's not really his doing, but my own. Of course I could've done without the abuse, but if I look at all the things I've done in an attempt to cope with it... Please don't mistake this for applauding an abusive relationships, I do NOT! But I deal with things differently. I work through things that happened by taking responsibility for my own part, I treasure the great moments, which we had as well, and embrace all I've learnt. This is all very true. . She was a good mother and a good wife to me for24 years, and I told her so. We lived and learned and grew then grew apart. . Had to end really. I think stagnation had set in. Such things happen, yes. I think you'll get there. You always come across as a great guy with a good perception on things. It's just that it takes time to emotionally heal. All these things Soufie mentions are very true. Allow yourself the time to heal. You cannot reason with emotions as they aren't reasonable and logical. They just are. Time... however corny it sounds it does heal all wounds. You just gotta believe in that, even if only a little, and notice every step forward you make. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I look back at relationships with a smile. So many good things I've learnt from them, they helped me grow and develop. Even the highly abusive one, especially that one. It's a shame I needed such a harsh way to learn & find out, but that's not really his doing, but my own. Of course I could've done without the abuse, but if I look at all the things I've done in an attempt to cope with it... Please don't mistake this for applauding an abusive relationships, I do NOT! But I deal with things differently. I work through things that happened by taking responsibility for my own part, I treasure the great moments, which we had as well, and embrace all I've learnt. This is all very true. . She was a good mother and a good wife to me for24 years, and I told her so. We lived and learned and grew then grew apart. . Had to end really. I think stagnation had set in. Such things happen, yes. I think you'll get there. You always come across as a great guy with a good perception on things. It's just that it takes time to emotionally heal. All these things Soufie mentions are very true. Allow yourself the time to heal. You cannot reason with emotions as they aren't reasonable and logical. They just are. Time... however corny it sounds it does heal all wounds. You just gotta believe in that, even if only a little, and notice every step forward you make.
thanks Crystal, you are too kind.I've been good,cheerful,happy, mostly, just the odd day here and there. Just needs time I guess. who knows how much. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When I was growin up as a kid, very few bridges lasted 25 years, even with constant maintenance. Most got torn down, hauled off to the scrap yard or landfill and a new bridge was built. The old one has some good memories but would be dangerous to continue to use. My marriage lasted 25 (well 24.5) years before it crumbled as well. All the emergency measures I implemented were not enough because the bridge was determined to fail. It kinda pist me off. Such a waste. Finally I said to hell with it and blew it to smithereens and never looked back. I spent some time building temporary bridges but I finally have a bridge that is solid enough and well built. Even it needs periodic maintenance. I don't even think about that old bridge anymore - such a waste of time and energy. From time to time a chunk of that old bridge pops up. It has no power over me. I see it but ignore it because it is no longer a significant part of me. A word of caution: Try not to build too many combat battle bridges. They are easily blown up. A causeway will work in a pinch but those tend to flood out. The best bridges are ones where each side builds and both meet in the middle then bring the best to both sides evenly. The foundation must be strong on both ends AND in the middle. Thanks for your creative metaphors Tom:) Made me chuckle, as I write just like that sometimes to absent friends. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Had an email from x wife earlier today, emailed back, but I am ashamed to say some bitterness crept in on my part. and I ended on saying that we shouldn't communicate unless necessary and I was sorry it had to be this way. probably a familiar theme. I don't know if it was a wise decision or not. Communicating with her still has emotional impact with me but I won't do bitterness. A fair bit of time needs to pass .. what do you think ? It seemed the only way to avoid more bitterness. why did your ex email you? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Had an email from x wife earlier today, emailed back, but I am ashamed to say some bitterness crept in on my part. and I ended on saying that we shouldn't communicate unless necessary and I was sorry it had to be this way. probably a familiar theme. I don't know if it was a wise decision or not. Communicating with her still has emotional impact with me but I won't do bitterness. A fair bit of time needs to pass .. what do you think ? It seemed the only way to avoid more bitterness. why did your ex email you? It started off as her telling me how her allotment was or wasn't coming on. but then she started speaking of her new man. The man she was seeing while we were together..It still has emotional impact Rosie, I am fine left to myself. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Difficult to judge as we don't know why she emailed. We haven't the context, how you split, how long ago and so on.
But if it feels the best thing to do right now to not be in touch then it likely is. No need to feel bad unless you were an a-hole about it. It's one thing to get upset and be emotionally touched, another to take that out on the other. If you weren't nasty or anything there's nothing to feel bad about. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
OP steve. do you have children in common?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Some times you gotta be cruel to be kind.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
OP steve. do you have children in common? grown up ones. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
mzrosie
on
Thu 05/16/19 02:59 PM
|
|
Had an email from x wife earlier today, emailed back, but I am ashamed to say some bitterness crept in on my part. and I ended on saying that we shouldn't communicate unless necessary and I was sorry it had to be this way. probably a familiar theme. I don't know if it was a wise decision or not. Communicating with her still has emotional impact with me but I won't do bitterness. A fair bit of time needs to pass .. what do you think ? It seemed the only way to avoid more bitterness. why did your ex email you? It started off as her telling me how her allotment was or wasn't coming on. but then she started speaking of her new man. The man she was seeing while we were together..It still has emotional impact Rosie, I am fine left to myself. Well in that case, Steve, you did the right thing and I hope you emailed her back in ALL CAPS! Da Witch! (with a B) (((((steve))))) 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My ex would call me once in great while. She'd want to know what was going on with me, but I couldn't ask her anything-her rule. My new rule- don't answer the phone. She'd called a few times after, I said nuts to that. She finally gave up calling. A friend of mine sees her every so often. He used to tell me that he did. I told him that I was sorry that he did, and he stopped telling that he'd seen her.
An ex is an ex for a reason. Why stir up old hurts? Nasty part of it all, is that you literally tossed away a portion of your life like I did. |
|
|
|
|
