I was going to post this in dating about break ups, but it really applies to any hardship, trauma, or loss.

Often times, during our lows, others will either tell us to get over it or that we can get through it.

Beyond maybe the different intent behind such words, do you think these are the same?

I think getting over, for me, implies mentally and emotionally erasing something as if it didn't happen or didn't matter.

I think getting through implies learning from something that gives you tools to use on the other side of it.

Yes getting through is the way forward

I think in order to get over something you have to through it...

It is a different and separate process,my wife and I split after 50 yrs,I found nothing to get over

Certainly.

"Getting over" it and "going thru it" is a 'present' statement.
Its something happening currently.

If it were a past statement you would already be done with it.
It has to do with how much power you give the condition.
If it is still on your mind, you are still dealing with it in some way.
When you are actually done w3ith it, there is no active, conscious effort on your part to keep it active in you mind.
Thus, you are NOT currently "getting over it" or "Getting thru it".

What many fail to understand is it can never be finished as long as it is on the mind.
You give it the power by allowing it to consume your thoughts.
If it were really finished, you would not be giving it brain time.

I think getting over it, when in the context of relationships is partly to do with acceptance of the situation and partly the gradual reduction in the mental/emotional time you give to thinking about it. Mental/emotional budgeting if you like.
Whereas getting through it. I think is more to do with the negative emotional impact that separation has on an individual relative to their normal self.
For example depression or heart ache is something that is gone through.
And this is what brings the understanding.

You have to get through something in order to get over it.

To me, 'get over it' indicates a loss of some type, and writing off that loss.
Making that pain less by ignoring it.

'get through it' is a chore, working through it, like a solid book or a chewy steak.
An endurance which may, or may not be beneficial.

First thank you msharmony for your thought provoking topics, you are a poster I always enjoy reading.

To me getting through something requires analyzing it and seeing what if any part I had in it and what I could have done differently to prevent it from happening again in the future.

Getting over something means accepting the situation and moving on which usually requires getting through it first.

My opinion: getting over something means stepping back and looking at the situation in a logical manner and deciding my emotional response was overblown for the situation. Getting through it means I need to understand my response and learn from the situation so that next time it is easier for me to deal with a similar situation.

I agree, especially in that many people do use "get over it" as a disparaging statement.

As for the challenge itself, the death, the loss, the upset, the recovery or response can be essentially "immune" to any hope of leaving it in the past. In most cases, what we suffer, becomes an inherent part of us going forward. Thus in a real way, we can neither "get over," OR "get through" it.

And sometimes even people with the best intentions, who suggest that we "get over" or "get through" something (especially if they haven't had such an experience themselves), only really want to be able THEMSELVES, to go back to behaving and doing whatever they were doing with the sufferer before. It's usually not really selfishness, just ignorance.

I agree we carry things forward with us and the only other option really is denying them. I think assault and losing my dad are two things I will never deny or get over, but are both things I have gotten through, while still carrying the memory and the lessons they created.

I stopped carrying "baggage" when I ended the delusion that life is some special thing and that my expectations mattered to anyone besides my own inflated version of how I thought the world was supposed to be.

The reality is, the past is the past. There is nothing that can change the past.
The best I can hope for is to make choices in the present that are beneficial to my future.

That huge list of things I once thought I 'needed' to 'get over' are already 'over'.
Life is the only thing I need to 'get thru'.
Pain comes in waves usually accompanied by breathing attacks.
Everything else I have to 'get thru' is small and insignificant by comparison.

I think getting through implies learning from something that gives you tools to use on the other side of it.





good thought ... but still very hard ... to get through...

Get over it or get through it?
IDK
Sometimes you just have to learn to 'live with it'~