I'm stuck in the house, my husband doesn't wanna let me go, I wanna divorce him but just couldn't pursue cuz I have little ones and I need as much help as I can and in my situation, I don't have anybody else. My family are on the other side of the world and his family are no help at all so I don't have a choice but him and he make sure of that cuz everytime I or somebody wants to make friends with me, he would make this story and tell the people that I'm horrible and making himself pityful so people around usually end up hating me or when they see me, they'll give me a bad look so I guess you can say I am that desperate that I am keeping my relationship with him despite all these though it's slowly killing me, NOT that I want to but just cuz I don't have a damn choice! And it's crushing me! I just don't have a choice, I have kids and I need help taking care of them.
He's a big (obese about 450lbs) guy and he still continuously growing! TMI but whenever he demands for sex, and he always use the "marriage" as a reason to oblige me to submit, saying I'm his wife and it's my duty, anyways, when he does it, I literally can't breathe! He's literally crushing me (I'm only 130lbs) whenever he's on top of me, I always gasp for air when he gets off. Thank goodness it's just a few minutes. When he's done, I'm no longer treated as a wife. When I had my 2nd child, I said please, no more. I started taking care of myself, trying to bring back my old body again, then I did. I was fit and I wanted it to stay that way. It made me feel good about myself and regained my self-esteem and self confidence. But, when guys smile at me, I know it's gonna be another issue. He doesn't like that. He doesn't like people to like me. He gets jealous. If those people lives around town, he would badmouth me to his friends who live around town expecting them to spread the word so he does not have to do the dirty job of wanting to basically kill me for being so "horrible". If not, he would make sure that no one would look at me that way again. To help with my horrible image towards everyone in the neighborhood, he would go to work using dirty clothes then he would tell everyone that I don't wash his clothes. Then they will pity him and feel disgusted of me. If he sees his clothes clean, he would do something God knows what and come back with stains and whatever unknown stuffs on his clothes. He would do that to every single good clothes he got. Then I will have to buy him new clothes just so he has something clean to wear whenever we have to attend my kid's school activities and extra curriculars but then he won't use the new clothes, he would wear the ragged, dirty clothes so I will again have a bad image towards everyone. He bad mouths me to everyone, even his family. Now they wanna, (their words) "**** me up" and I have screenshots of these messages so you can't say I am lying and just trying to get attention. I also have screenshots of his conversation with his girl-friend whom, when I asked why he can make friends with girls and not me, he would say they are for me, yet, he never gave me any of their contacts. He's still the one chit chatting with them. I think he's trying to get in their pants again, like what he did before, which he did not succeed so I'm the one suffering his frustrations with other women cuz, as long as he can't find someone else, he will definitely not gonna let me go. Anyways, he impregnated me again so I won't have the time to care for myself. Now I have 3 little children and I am so stressed and depressed cuz I'm so tired of him and I feel so isolated. The good part is, I finally found an excuse so he won't demand me to have sex with him. He didn't want me to learn how to drive cuz he's afraid I might leave him so everytime I have to go out like for an appointment or groceries, he has to drive me. And the only way I get to see the other side of the country is when I have to take care of a business matter. He likes it when I'm earning but he would make sure I won't go anywhere else. I also can't look pretty and pleasant, everytime I try to prepare myself, he would do all these excuses so I'd work on it and get busy working and taking care of whatever mess he made so I won't have time for myself. The only time I get to fix myself is when he's not around. But still can't really cuz I'm busy taking care of my kids.
If I only have atleast one adult family member around to watch my kids, I can kick him out and be done with this misery, and pursue my dreams of becoming successful and happy.
My self-esteem has diminished ever since I tied the knot. I should have followed the sign when that arch fell in front of him, blocking his way, the moment he started walking towards the altar as if God or a significant force does not want the marriage to happen. I should have found it a red flag when I witnessed his mom picking up his dirty clothes and underwears off the floor and into the hamper just right beside where he put it for his mom to wash, when I see him eating in his bedroom, while laying on his bed and playing games, all at the same time, or eating in the restroom then leaving his empty plate or bowl where he finished it and it will stay where it is til his mom finally sees it and takes it to wash, when he doesn't get out the room and his mom would send him food upstairs in his room or call him to tell him the food is done, or constantly remind him of his appointments and any dealings whether it be with friends or family. Or maybe the worse part is when he cheated on me, or I think it's the other way, he cheated on his gf with me, but he said his relationship with her was over but then, while he was with me, I found a message from him that he sent to his supposedly ex saying that he misses her and why she's ignoring him and why she went with another person in a hotel. I guess I was that blind and stupid back in the day when it comes to love that I pity him instead of getting mad. I was broken hearted when I found him. So far, he was the one who treated me better than my other relationships so imagine how horrible my other relationships was. The only difference is, the other men has something to be proud and brag about so women go crazy about them. One was an engineer, three where sailors across the world which during my time was a huge hit if you have one of them lol, and the other one who was hitting on me was an engineering student but had a gf who happened to be my bestfriend. Him on the other hand have nothing. So I thought he would most likely stick with me and I won't have to worry about rivals. I took the shortcut and the easy way in short. Before I met him, I was already purchasing my own home at 22, I have a great paying job and a 2nd job which made me so exhausted but, knowing that, after all these hardships, I will finally be able to have my dream life, I was not minding it, though my body was. I was so thin, though my appetite was great, I eat a lot I tell you, I had to ask my doctor for a supplement that will make me gain weight! I don't really wear make up which, back in the day, if you do, you'll be one of the prettiest. That's probably why not a lot of men find me physically attractive, unless they find out I'm earning much back in the day. But when I met him online, I had to give up my dream life so that I can prepare our wedding and when he arrives. I took care of everything, with a little budget from him. In fact, I freakin bought my own engagement ring and put it on myself! Huge red flag I know. But I was young without much experience. I was inlove... All lame excuse I know. I gave up what I already got for him and I regret it from time to time. When he arrived, he stayed in my apartment which would have been in my own home had I pursue the path to success that I was already on. Then we lived with my parents as I no longer have a job to be paying for an apartment. We built a little apartment for us to live in right beside my parents' house. We were living poorly. But I still have the courage and hope. Then his parents were so worried about him (and only him ofcourse) that they convinced him to come back. But we already have a child, he doesn't wanna go without his precious toys with him so the parents didn't have a choice but to take us as well. My self-esteem is already hurting cuz I was feeling helpless. From heaven, I fell down to earth. I no longer am that person with lots of confidence and joy. We stayed with his parents and he's been treated like usual, a spoiled brat, while I was treated like crap. They expected me to work in the house, like a family maid. But I still have respect to myself, I stayed upstairs, kept myself in the room and just clean up the mess he, my child and I made.
Despite all these, I still am able to earn money, though very limited due to my situation, which frustrates me so much as I am a kind of person who likes to be successful. I wanna be very successful. I am a hard worker, a dreamer, a believer, I have high goals that I know I can achieve only if I'm free. Right now, I'm locked up with my greatest nightmare, this boy in a big man's body. The frustration is depressing me so much. I'm so stressed and depressed, not because I'm just a sad person, but because I'm so frustrated that I can't achieve my goals cuz I'm stuck! Will somebody please get me out of here? I'm not desperate for another husband, though having another one who is responsible enough and can be a good role model to my children, especially the boys would definitely make me super happy. Right now, I just need to get out of this relationship and when I do, I need someone to be there for me and the kids. Starting with driving us around and teaching me to drive and be familiar with my town. Oh, I forgot to mention we move many times and each time, he would make sure that no one would like me so I don't really have any friends and I wanna have friends so bad... Friendship is magic, you know. And he's earning less than $12 an hour part time, not even a full time, his highest so far from $7. Despite how low he's earning, ironically, he's the one who has the guts to waste so much money, especially for his games which is about $50 per game. Like, for food, he would fill up the bowl up to the point that it will overflow and make a big mess and not clean up after himself (hence another problem I'm dealing cuz I have to clean every mess he make like I'm his damn maid and nanny), he would also choose to buy the latest games than paying the bills, ending up in a negative balance which cause either a late charge (additional burden for me) or, if he continues to spend, results in overdraft fee which btw is not just a few dollars each time, when the automatic pay happens to get taken out after he spend what's left in his deserted debit card. imagine how much of a hardship it is for me, trying to budget that between basic needs, the kids' needs, kid's classes, clothing, not to mention the bills, insurance, his games has to be in that too, the house maintenance, etc. It's VERY stressful and depressing being with him. Sometimes it's that depressing that, when everyone is sleeping, I would just cry and I keep thinking how I got in this situation in the first place and how much I regret taking the shortcut I thought I'd better off dead than being with him. I'd feel my heart getting crushed and I'm running out of breath, my tears has run dry and I almost can't handle it, like I was gonna break down. But ofcourse I don't wanna die and I definitely not gonna let myself become insane just cuz of this kind of man. I'd find myself breathing hard and thinking of happy thoughts and meditating to calm myself, then I'll feel better. Such a messed up life I have right now.
I need a responsible man, someone with disposition, goals in life, hard working, has a vision to be successful and work for it, and would love to make good memories with me, and the kids, not a spoiled brat who treats me like a damn toy he can't take care but don't wanna let go and can't even perform his responsibility as a father cuz he's too busy with himself and his own entertainment that if the child approaches him, he'd get so irritated. From time to time he would tell me, "I wish you could just kill yourself". Then sometimes he would say he wants me to die. Sometimes, I get scared of him. Well, I guess, since I posted it, if I die, atleast someone knows who did it, though, I don't think he would commit such bloody one. He's more into killing you slowly by damaging you emotionally and mentally. Unfortunately, if I would say something to someone, they'd just laugh at me or not believe me cuz he does not seem to look harmful. He has that skill of making people adore and/or pity him. Everyone who doesn't know him would usually think that he is a "very nice guy". I fell for that. After being broken-hearted many times, all I wanted was someone who wouldn't cheat on me, and he made me believe that. He showed me almost everything he's doing and where he's going. He stays home, in his room, most of the time though so it was easier to know where he is. We had a long distance relationship. But what I didn't know and found out later on that, whenever he goes out, he said he will be with his friends, he was actually cheating on me with other women, which, unfortunately for him, did not go for him so that's why he stayed with me. They were the ones who really knows him, one of his girl-friends. He dated a few of them but did not end up good. His mom even set up a date for him, his mom's friend's daughter. They went on a date but same result. His uncle also tried to set him up with his step-daughter. Anyway... sometimes, I wish one of them ended up with him, but then they're gonna have the same fate as me so how bad would I be. Moving on, as I was saying, I really don't wanna cause that much drama for the sake of the kids. I don't want them to grow up with people knowing their terrible history so I would like to settle this as quiet as possible. I really just wish I have someone who could help me with the process of divorcing him as it needs running errands and me not being able to drive and basically new in the neighborhood and can't really get out much, it's gonna be nearly impossible. There's plenty more going on and it's hard and tiring to type it all. I own the house we are living in so I don't wanna leave it, I need him to leave and be as far away from us as possible but he doesn't wanna go even if he has plenty of choices to go to, I don't. I feel like he's really trying real hard to make me feel so miserable and just kill myself for his own convenience. His parents has been pursuing him to leave, thinking the opposite cuz of the lies he's been telling them about me, that he's in a bad relationship and pity him for having me. I just wonder why they never thought that their son is just lying cuz despite all the horrible things he said about me, he still stays with me and did they ever think what kind of a man does that to their wife?? He has a lot of choices and guaranteed a home if he ever decides to leave, yet he doesn't. I don't know if his family is just too blind to see the truth or just wanna pretend that their son is not a psycho. He's even calling the kids 'idiot' so you can't even say he really cares for the kids that much. I have plenty more to say but it's just depressing me even more.

When I'm free from him, the first thing I'm gonna do (my children as my priority is given) is to fix my investments so it can be running and earning so i have a steady income. Then I'll go on a road trip with the kids, visiting all 50 states (It's in my bucket list) while I still can, as time is gold and it won't wait for anybody. In short, I'm getting old, I'm already in my 30s and time is running too fast, expand my investments for my kids' future. Then enjoy some more, as I own my time, I don't have an employer, I can work whenever and wherever. Time might keep running but I own it. It's up to me what I do with that time. I'll do yoga, play classical music and other great music, do any kinds of meditation, relaxing things as long as it does not involve any drugs. I don't like smoke and I don't really drink so I don't have a problem of getting sick from that. Enjoy nature, breathe fresh air, have fun, smile, laugh, just enjoying the wonders of life til I get old. My money maker keeps going as I enjoy. Most if not all of these is with my children til they are old enough to do as they pleased (and with a significant other hopefully if I get lucky of finding the man I will grow old with).
And finally, I will be very old and die fulfilled and satisfied, knowing I had the most out of life, my children are successful & happy living their own life.
After all these, I know some would say it's my fault for falling inlove with the guy with a lot of red flags. I know that and I don't need to be reminded. What I need now is love, thoughtfulness, caring, of course, a business partner so that I can pursue my dreams, and someone who is willing to accept my children and have fun together as a family. I love taking my kids with us on trips, not just cuz there's nobody else who can take care of them but cuz I want them to stay close to me. I definitely don't mind someone with kids of their own. My daughter has been wanting to have a sister. I would like that, as long as they are well mannered.
How I wish, right? Oh well.

Your local Department of Human Services office,
should be able to provide you with information
you'll need.

Including, how to get in contact with Legal Aid
attorneys, to help you through divorce and child
custody issues.

10,000 points to anyone who has read all of this.

I think you need to unload this face to face with someone
who might be able to help or advise,I doubt you will get any help on here.

Seems a person would. research that !

I finished reading the entire thing, so I'll keep the 10,000 points. I don't know where to start. I don't know if you are looking for advice, or just to vent.

Hi Bella
I'm sorry to hear about your horrible situation. I hope it made you feel a little better unburdening your feelings and your story.

In your present situation, I would not recommend that you look for another man for support. IMO that might be jumping out the frying pan into the fire. Or picking up a rock and hitting yourself on the head. etc.

RockGnome advice above is the better thing to do.

I wish you all the best.

Rosie

wow hope ya feel a little better after all that typen : )

you are in Iowa
so yeah i agree Department of Human Services office
is prob your best help

you can have my 10,000 points then
and i think she was looken for both
i made it to about line 9 way to much info for me

As rosie said, don't go looking for another man for a relationship now. Take care of you and your kids.

..I'll take 2500..lol..

Wow, it must have taken many hours to describe how you see your situation.
I say it like this, for we have no chance to hear from your husband, how he sees it. Okay.

Some things in your text made me to go deaper.
Where is the love story of how it began? Seems not like love.
You complain and complain, to make him a looser in our eyes.
(Listen everybody!) It is so easy to put all guilt on the man!
No, we are not blind.
Your face doesn’t look like a suffering girl.
You know what you want and how to get it!
You know how to manipulate. But not on us!
It is so funny how you describe your future.
It’s all about money and riches.
But the money which you earned belongs to husband and wife together.
Means, at the end you wanna go like a thief. Oh, very interesting.
You want to move around to show your kids 50 American states?
For what? Children need a home and stability. When you take them on that trip, you separate them from their friends.
You have used too many words to explain.
Sorry, honestly saying, I think you are selfish,
without respect to your man, and no love for your children.
You just mention them as if they are puppets or if they are things of the household.

Go for divorce and leave the children for him.

Im sorry, i didnt get past the first half of the first paragragh. I truly believe if you want to get out of something, you need to just do it. I get the family unavailable and the hardships it will create (been there) but in the long run taking the first step may be hard but also so very important. Stop dweeling on the negative (why you cant) and put your focus on the positives (why you must).

Only you can make your life better, every one else is sprakles on a dung heap

Your husband weighs 450 pounds!

Hi Bella ...

That is quite the story ., I am
Not sure what to believe .,, your profile certainly comes across differently to your post ...

He obviously does not have complete control over you as you are here on a dating site and your photo is beautiful :-)

You certainly view yourself as a victim and perhaps you are .. it is difficult to know ??? Perhaps your church can help or counselling ???

As for his size and crushing you ., there are many positions that you do not have to support his weight ., have you considered that ???

You have three children to consider . What is their relationship like with their father ???

If you want out of your marriage then why not end that legally before finding a replacement husband ???

From a catholic viewpoint .. how does divorcing your husband sit with your religious beliefs .,

You have a lot to consider . Hope you find a healthy resolution

Oh and as far as the clothing issue .. I suggest you stop buying new clothes for him .,

Stop doing his washing ...

If he wants to wear dirty clothes let him .. it is not a reflection of you ., you are his wife .. not his maid ...

He will soon realise that if he smells and looks unkempt his friends will likely avoid him . You are enabling his behaviour .. let him
Take responsibility for his appearance !!!!

What exactly do you mean when you say “your moneymaker keeps going to enjoy”

It' s too long to read your passage, so difficult for my eyes...

her profile she has property investments and is looking for a husband to be her business partner ., yet her current husband works part time and earns $12 an hour ., perhaps I missed something ???! I am curious to know what she means too