The dating world is hard enough but even harder when you're not actually sure if you're ready to date or not..

For example... you recently broke up with somebody but feel you're ready to get back into the dating pool... until you start dating and then realize you're not..

Are you have young children at home but you need.. to be with someone.. but then soon realized it's not as easy as it may seem..

Are your not really sure who you should be with but you know you need to be with somebody... even if they're not exactly perfect for you....


So I guess the question is should you date even if you're not sure if you're really ready.?... are do you just put yourself out there and hope for the best.?.. or do you sit alone.. for who-knows-how-long working on you?

I dated after my marriage ended thought I was ready.. but soon discovered I was still dealing with some baggage... but I would never have realized that... if I hadn't started dating...

That is very much dependent on your view of what dating is. Looking for that new significant other? Wait until you are ready for that. Dating for the companionship and social connection? Go for it!!

.. my thoughts exactly.. but unfortunately dating for companionship and social connection.. always seems to end up heading towards a more committed relationship.. at least that's been my experience.. and then it gets complicated..lol

I have been ready for dating and I do date, as often as I meet a man I want to date. It's the relationship that I am hesitant about! I am very picky and don't want to pick the wrong mate for me.

It seems to me the women on here are more definite about what they want than the men are. I see more hesitation from the men than the women.
It's not that hard to figure out if you are ready or not. I don't understand men anyway. They think differently.

Depends on what you are ready for! Dinner and dancing on saturday night or spending the weekend as a couple - big difference!! Yes, men and women think differently and therein lies the problem. Until we figure that out and can find a compromise, most of us will not find what we want and be happy.

Dating initially does not need to be about commitment or exclusivity .. unless that is what you have both agreed to . . if it has evolved to that point then you have permitted that to happen .

Dating when you are uncertain is one way to test how you feel .. but you need to be honest and communicate this upfront .

But you know this already

of course he knows it already, he's got a PHD in
anecdotal sob stories from Mingle2 University...j/k j/k lol

Hiya Blondey

Yo No1 welcome back been missing your dramatic insight, really

Hi trouble .. great to see you back .. laughing

No1phd - I notice you have started MANY threads on dating. you are welcome to do so. But the common thought between all of them, is that you seem to lack any confidence. Your profile now says you are looking for a woman for friendship, but it also states clearly "Just here for the forums". Which IS IT??? I wish I knew how to help you. many have given ideas, but they don't seem to help. Sometimes I make a pros and cons list of what I really want and that clears my mind. Maybe you could try that so we know what you are really looking for. Good Luck.

Not coming to anyone's defense but he stated in a different thread that he is making these threads for discussion "instead of just playing the forum games".
So, I think this is open for just general discussion.

On topic:
I'm always ready for a date mentally, its my physical body that decides if I am ready for a date. If I am having a bad health day, I will decline a date for that reason even though I may be totally ready for the date mentally.

I'm also ready for a relationship mentally.
Most of them failed because she wasn't.
So far, so good with my current interest.
But, only time will tell.

Nothing wrong with going out for a coffee. As long as limits are set, with which both agree.

Bahahaha...i'd let you do it

i'd be in *good hands* with you Blondey

fixed it

The forum makes you choose something for that line. If memory serves it's either looking for a man/woman for relationship, intimate encounter, or friendship.
You gotta choose one.

He's clearly stated a number of times he's seeing someone, so it makes sense he's here for the forums only.

Also, some ppl ARE looking for someone, but not here, like me. I believe my profile also says 'friendship' and in the blurb "for forums only". I am however interested in meeting someone and dating, provided I see someone worthwhile. But NOT from here. What good is a bloke in the USA? I want a Dutch guy

Well said Crystal

He also stated as Tom said, that he posts topics for discussion. This is in the dating/relationship forum as a topic of discussion. The misc/advice is for personal advice and so far I haven't really seen him for personal help. I think some people mistakenly thing if a topic is posted it's always about them and sometimes it's not... It's just adding something interesting to talk about.

Hope you find that Dutch guy Crystal... There was a time when I was open to meeting a foreigner, but I'm not sure that would work out very well. I prefer to stay closer to home (USA) and my boys. I believe in miracles, so maybe that will happen here

On topic...
Very interesting question!

I think -unless they do the rebound thing- most people don't date until they've healed the worst. Then go dating to find there's more to be done, and then dating can help with that.

I sometimes wonder if you ever really truly heal 100%? I was as good as healed when I met my ex in 2016. By which I mean I had healed all I could heal. I knew there were still relationship related things that would come up, but didn't know what.
I found out when I met him. Being with him helped heal a lot of those things. I could not have healed these things on my own nor without his help.

You know, maybe it's more like going dating when you're not ready yet but then stick to mostly meet & greets? Having meet & greets is an excellent way to have fun, get into the groove again, heal, without harming anyone. Okay, some may be disappointed that you're leaving it at that, but why go further when you know they're not the right one for you, not even temporarily?
I think maybe that's what one should learn? To not go further, so not make "wanting companionship" the most important reason for dating. Then you are bound to go wrong.

I NEVER date for companionship. I simply can't be with someone who irritates me, and someone who isn't right for me will start to irritate me, real fast as well.

Good points Crystal.

Learning to not go further has been a real challenge, not quite there yet. I haven't really ever just dated as a meet and greet kind of thing. It's been more all or nothing. I agree it could be an excellent way to work through any hidden wounds that may need healing. And it's an excellent way to learn what truly works for us so we are more prepared when we finally do meet that special one.

I think the problem I have with this is that I want to be that special one to someone, so if someone just wants to go enjoy the night together but doesn't want to take it further, it's kind of a blow to my ego. That rejection thing that gets a lot of us. It is an area that I need to grow in so practicing not taking it further and just enjoying each others company would definitely help me with that.

Not every man is for me, so it makes sense that I'm not for every man. I want someone who resonance with me, the best way to find that is to get out there and mix and mingle.