In order to love

Must pay?

You must wrap your tool?

Can i get mine, with fries, and a large Cherry Coke?
To go, please.

Considering that all the love you might feel is love within you, The question boils down to what do you do in order to love?
Personally, love is easy for me but that is my own personality trait.
I really have little control over who I love or how much I love them.
Yes, I should probably take a look at that, to get a better grip on myself, but love is really easy for me.

Why? I would think if love didn't come easily, one would want to take a look at that... we are born to love, it's not natural to not love and trying to keep our love in check hinders and hurts us more than being open to it.

Least that's my experience.

The Why is a pretty complicated thing for me.

Its been my experience that when I love, I love deeply and completely.
It gets the better of me because I have problems determining who I should love and who I should like and who I should just accept and who I shouldn't love.
I mean, there are people that are not worthy of the dedication and commitment I am willing to put into the relationship because of how deeply I feel love.
Wisdom I have gained from life experiences has taught me there isn't many that are "worthy".
Its kinda hard to put it any other way.

Before anyone starts chastising me for using the word "worthy" consider that we all make the worthiness decision constantly.
To drive that home, Have you ever met someone that is "Unworthy" of your love, dedication and commitment?
If you think you don't make that decision I ask if you love everyone you have ever met?

Like I said, I need to take a closer look at it.

In a way I recognize this, although I'm not certain it has the same root.
I am a very loving person and I easily love people.
In a way, because of who I'm like, I tend to 'mistake' love for people with romantic love.
Because of what I exude I attract quite a lot of people to me and some are really taken with me. Then it gets really tricky because they sometimes feel they love me, and then I get swept away by their feelings for me. I can get sucked in, and yes I do love them as that's my nature. But it's not necessarily the romantic love I'm looking for.
I don't feel this has to do with 'worthiness'. Everyone is worthy of love. I just have to learn to discern between the more general love and true romantic love.

This^^^ I'm the same way, I love very easily and tend to 'mistake' love for the person with romantic love.

I agree with Crystal Tom, everyone is worthy of love. It's more a matter of discerning the love we feel for that person.

I do the same thing Crystal with attracting people to me. Including those who do not have good intentions. I think that's why part of me has put a wall of protection up, it helps to keep the bad ones away. Problem is it keeps the good ones away as well. :(

A child molester and murder?
Worthy of love?
Really?

What about the skinhead that tortures people for fun?
Worthy of love?
Really?

While I do agree there is romantic love and platonic love, that is not where I get messed up.
I get messed up when I misjudge the dedication and commitment I embrace towards those I love.
I set it too deeply for my own good.
It seems I show love but seldomly get shown love in return.
Its off-balance.

Since I can't make others feel love for me, the only course of action I can take is to tone down my love. Show less dedication and commitment.

I know love is a one way street. Going outward only.
I feel I just need to slow the traffic down a bit.
I find people take advantage of the love I show.
Then as time goes on, they abuse it.

Just once I would like to find someone that shows love like me, for me.
I think that's what most people want in life.

Exactly....love like me. Perfectly said.

Even evil people deserve love, we should have compassion for everyone. Lock them up but have compassion

I can relate and agree. I would like to say it doesn't matter if you get it in return. Altruistic love is loving without expecting in return. When we are able to do that, we are filled with love in return, just perhaps not in the way we would imagine. I strive for that but have to admit I do look for it in return. I do notice after a certain time the imbalance and it causes me sadness.

I don't necessarily wish for others to love like me... What I hope for instead and will strive for is to love myself as best as I can which will help me love others even more. And love others enough to accept the kind of love they are able to give or show me.

I agree with you JBH... even those we see as evil doers deserve.. and.. are worthy of love. That is the basis of unconditional love which we all are worthy of. Lock them up, but as JBH said, have compassion.

I remember seeing a documentary about a girl or very young woman that had been killed. The murderer was in jail, had been for years.
The girls parents -I think around 60- had gotten in touch with the murderer and stayed in touch with him for years, if memory serves until he got released.
They showed both the parents and the murderer in the documentary, standing side by side, talking to the interviewer and each other, no ill feelings.
They had shown love for the man, they had truly forgiven him, and because of them the man had truly come to his senses and genuinely regretted his actions. Ifever you'd seen a man who'd changed... not because of the correctional system but because he was given love by the parents of the very girl he'd robbed of her life.
It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life.




To be honest I am not certain that someone's love can really be abused unless you allow it.
The feeling of loving someone is mostly feeling really good in the presence of or connection with someone. What then happens is that you align with yourself, with your inner being, with who you really are. That's why it feels so ecstatic --> Your (finally) one with yourself (again).
The good thing is we don't need anyone else in order to feel this, we can quite easily get ourselves into alignment and feel freaking good. Then a connection can be the proverbial 'icing on the cake'. For most it's not, for most it IS the cake since they cannot get themselves into alignment. Meaning they are dependent on external sources -usually a lover- in order to get into alignment and thus feel good.

Then, if you are in alignment, and you are one, feeling great, feeling love, being love, then how can someone abuse that?
Someone can only do that when you are NOT in alignment.
But of course it's easier to blame another, most of us do that, lol. But in actual fact we ourselves are responsible for our own happiness. It's just that most don't take that responsibility and put it in the hands of another so they can blame them when their life goes haywire.

It's not so different from being manipulated. You can not be manipulated unless you allow that to happen. It's just easier to blame the manipulator.

If you feel your love gets abused then you likely haven't got healthy boundaries. The other is always a reflection of what you are & exude, that's why you attracted them in the first place.
And not to be a pain, grin, just that somehow the statement doesn't compute.

Thank you for sharing that Crystal, that truly is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes just reading it.

Realistically, Loving everyone will not get you the love you want to feel. Face it, were mostly here on a quest for the one.
The love that satisfies our quest.
That person needs to be worthy of us or they will not be the one.
How many child molesters, strung out drug addicts and murderers are your potential one?
Why, because they are NOT worthy.
If they were, you would be dating them.
Altruistic love is not what we are looking for here, we have that already.


But that isn't what we do is it?
Otherwise we would already be with the one.
If you love someone for how they love and they love by smacking you when you don't do what they want or be who they want, you are not going to love them enough to stay with them. Their way of showing love is not worthy of you.

I don't care how anyone is, If they don't love me, they are not worthy of the love I am prepared to give.
Everybody has preferences and what do you think preferences are if not a standard of worthiness?

Exactly.
That's why I said I need to take a deeper look at it.
Worthiness is merely how my brain tries to set the limits.
Its not an over-all fix.
There's more to it than that?
I had to cut back on my kindness to strangers too.
When I love, I am fully dedicated and committed to showing my love.
When I love, I want to shout it from the rooftops.
I tend to make personal sacrifices for the one I love.
It always seems the sacrifices go unnoticed and they become detrimental to me because I go deeper and deeper into commitment for someone that seems to not appreciate it.

I'm building a relationship with a woman right now.
I have to be reserved so I don't get hurt.
If she turns out to be the one, I'll love her with everything I am.
Determining if and when is perplexing for me.
I need to take a closer look at myself and figure out if my trepidation is warranted.

I remember seeing a documentary about a girl or very young woman that had been killed. The murderer was in jail, had been for years.
The girls parents -I think around 60- had gotten in touch with the murderer and stayed in touch with him for years, if memory serves until he got released.
They showed both the parents and the murderer in the documentary, standing side by side, talking to the interviewer and each other, no ill feelings.
They had shown love for the man, they had truly forgiven him, and because of them the man had truly come to his senses and genuinely regretted his actions. If ever you'd seen a man who'd changed... not because of the correctional system but because he was given love by the parents of the very girl he'd robbed of her life.
It was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life.




Whilst this is a touching and heart warming story I don't believe it has anything to do with love.What the parents displayed is compassion and acceptance,very admirable qualities indeed in the circumstances.You are assuming many unverifiable facts in your analysis of the situation,as am I.The man may well have regretted his actions possibly because of the parents response but there are many other possible reasons.