Self-centered , placing a priority on what will profit You most.

Lovers of Money
The acquisition of wealth to fuel pleasures, provide security or gain possession will be a strong motivator.

Abusive behavior, unforgiving attitudes and lack of control .


Pride, Arrogance

All these can harm Relationships. And prevent Some from finding true love.

Many have already experience some of these things.


Comments welcomed !

From my old-guy also historians point of view, these behaviors are common to many eras, with lots of periodic fads promoting them.

The greatest irony I've seen throughout history, is that every time a selfishness fad holds sway for long enough, a fad of opposition to selfishness tends to spring up...and then lots of people jump to join THAT fad, by turning selflessness into a competitive ego trip of its own.

Biggest lesson: there is no shortcut to escaping human frailty. it takes something more similar to automobile maintenance: regular checkups, replacing "parts" that wear out, and working hard to remember that the goal isn't to make the car really cool in the short term, its to keep it running usefully for the long hauls.

One of the ways I do this, is to say "yep, there sure as heck is a problem here. Let's be careful that the solution we come up with for it, is actually an improvement, and not just an alternative problem."

Yep..
I talked to a guy on the phone (not from this site...havn't messaged/ been messaged by anyone worthwhile from here).

In the *first* 30 minutes he stated I needed a cell phone so he could keep in touch with me (which he would pay for, 'cause I told him *I* don't need one)

Even though i had mentioned several times i don't sleep well (in the written messages), when it came up in *this* conversation that once i am asleep no one better wake me up for ~anything~, he asked what if he came to bed and was "overcome (or what-the-f**k ever he said) and wanted some lovin'....
(placing a priority on what will profit You most.)

And this morning, because I haven't messaged him in a day & a half (because I've been extremely busy) left me a message on that site saying guess i had lost interest..
Dude..when we talked Weds. I *told you* I'd be really busy the next two days..and you said *you'd* be busy this weekend..so it would be Monday or Tuesday before we could talk on the phonbe again...

Darlin'...patience is a virtue..and so far based on the little conversation we have had..you have shown yourself to be self-centered...possibly controlling...
Pushy (arrogance & pride)

As far as abusive..well, based on what i have experienced so far...I don't think i want to stick around to see if he has *that* issue as well..
But when i tell him I don't think we should talk anymore..I'm sure *that* will come out..he'll probably make with "you have issues lady...you're missing out on a good man..good luck on your search you'll need it..".

Darlin'..a "good" man wouldn't be so damn pushy and arrogant right away..
I know..I have had TWO "good" men...

I really like your comments! I think there is real truth in it !

BTW that's what I did with my Old car . I am glad you used that example it
Really caught my attention . Lol

@bluegrass

Your messages always seem to interest me, although I do get a laugh from some of your comments I do feel you are serious about meeting so I good man.
Online can be very difficult for many people.

I've met men in person from other site a few years ago then I took a break offline a few years. I met nice guys who traveled here, one really stood out to me but he lived miles and miles away for any relationship.

Anyway the man I talk with on phone now is very unpredictable in his wanting to meet in person . But he is fun to talk with so I haven't totally tossed him. Aside yet. He had Two bad marriages, so he said.

I haven't met any prospects on Mingle2 but gets Messages every week and I answer most All of them. These Men are real and Not on any Forums. I do suggest to join forums.
Most leave because this is not a good DATING site.

Love doesn't pay the mortgage.
Next time it's due, tell the bank, you love them.
See how far that gets you.

However, life does need balance.
A priority does need to be placed on livelihood / earning
a living... And, social endeavors, such as love.

Toodygirl15....
I am serious.

I had one bad marriage, and one good long term, and one great marriage (now a widow)..
So..I know the difference between a good man anbd a controlling, pushy one..
i ran into several of those years ago...and had *one* date with them..that was it..

One guy (this was years ago)..we were in my car, and i stopped at the post office where i had a box to check my mail....and was going through it and made a comment "oh, here's my Dillard's bill (where i had a charge account)..curious how much it is..", so i opened it..
While i was opening it..this clown says "that **** will stop after we are married..."

blink blink

First off...I had just started seeing this guy..certainly wasn't entertaining the idea of marrying him...
Secondly...WTF made him think that was an Ok thing to say?

*I* said nothing..just went on about the evening...but did the equivilant of "ghosting" after that...didn't take his calls...
He semi-stalked me after that..drove by the house...left a note on my car at work...

I do not take to being told what to do kindly.
My dad, whe i was a child and dependant on him for everything got to tell me what to do.

But, now I am grown, pay my own mortgage and untilities and groceries, and I'll be *damned* if I'm going to let someone run my life.
Go peddle that crap elsewhere.

My first husband, among his other faults (and why now I screen so carefully) had control issues as well...
he is now married to someone who barely graduated high school, can't drive (just can't grasp the concept), has never worked...and, from what his sister told me, their relationshiop is more like parent/ child than husband wife..
That seems to be what he needed, and if that makes him happy...glad he got that...

YES.
I don't want a workaholic man...
Working full time..maybe some over 40 hours is fine...
But if you live to work, always have something going on...and there is never time for us to be together and do things..what's the point?
At what point is it "enough" WRT money"?

If you can pay the bills (mortgage, utilities, insurance, groceries), have a bit of "fun" money (movies, dinner out, concerts) take a vacation once a year, and put some aside for an emergency....that's fine.
I'd rather spend time with you...enjoy ourselves....

I realize there are a lot of women who are happy to just see the check and don't care if he is never around, but..that's not for me...

I know I'm probably going to get stick for this, and that it is not always true. But in my experience, which admittedly isn't great. Then women often seem more concerned with money in a partner than men. Though it can often be disguised as, 'well woman find success in a man attractive'. And that sort of baloney, I think it's easy to read through that

Maybe younger women want a guy with money. That’s not usually true for women my age.

I’m self sufficient, own a home and a car. I don’t need a man with money but I won’t support a man financially either. Pay your way, I pay mine.

And love doesn’t pay the mortgage but a second income does and also means not working as much.

@, bluegrass


That is some story but I hear You. I am independent lady and I screen men too.

It's not good to be Desparate like some are, Online and off.

Women,They pay for Traveling. Food. Outings , everything.

:

I have to have a Man who pays his Own way. I can pay mine in a Relationship.

If he comes with nothing, keep going.

Many moochers out there.

I hear you. I'm not saying to not pay your way. But if you don't own a home or a car, or have a job .....then, your left on the shelf

I had my doubts about OLD (On Line Dating) when I started out. They were proven. The only plus to any of these sites, are forums. DH forum was wide open, and the most interesting. You could find arguments by the dozen on there. PoF, tamer, but at times interesting. Here, it gets dull.

The dating end of it just doesn't happen, on any site you get onto. I found, that just plain talk gets a man nowhere on any of these sites. I've read articles about how to be a success with OLD. None, ever came straight out and just said that boots, a shovel, and a clothespin were needed for the BS one must shovel in order to be noticed. The sites without forums, I just don't know why people stay on them. Being on those is just like being served a piece of meat that was cooked without seasoning. Then, they have the nerve to charge you a fee to be on there. That's the ultimate insult, if you ask me.

Right now, supposedly, I have 141 matches to review on here. But since it would cost me to review them, then I now have 141 reasons not to bother. I tried a pay end once. At the end of it, I decided I just tossed $25 bucks to the wind. Besides, some will hook you into some auto pay scam, get charged for being on, and force you to call your credit card co. to have them cut off. Just reading the reviews to Match kept me from signing up on that mess.

I've adopted a me alone lifestyle, and I like it. I impress me very well! The heck with dating, it's just a hiderance that I don't want or need.

Yes pretty much but Not with Every Woman !!

All Women do Not think alike .

@Redrider

Paid Relationship sites are the best for dating . People don't waste time on Forums they send Personal messages and Most profiles are active. ! Not a lot of Fake old ones.

All my good dates came from Paid sites. People get serious when they Pay.
Or they leave. Some sites are much better than others.

People get what they Pay for on Free sites. That's why people play on Forums and some stay for years or leave and come back.
And date in their Own Cities. Sure they Flirt but rarely a success story or Real Relationship formed .

Interesting.
I briefly joined Match abnd OurTime (aka Ye Olde Geezer site), and saw the *same* guys on there as I saw on POF & OkCupid...so, why pay to be on there?
Also, as I am mostly ignored on the sites..now I stick to free sites...where I do not pay for the privilege of being ignored.

I know someone who joined Elite Singles...*paid*....and had no better luck there than they'd been having on POF...