but mom will handle it

hugs n

thnx my friend

update....my ex would like to drop back into my sons life after dropping out for a year and then going to Singapore to work without telling us right away.my feeling is to say no.he has ****ed with my son's head long enough...what should i do?

get legal advice,he did leave the country and what kind of a father has he reallly been!

****ty to say the least..

I AGREE GET LEGAL HELP AN TELL EX JUST HOW IT HURTS HIS SON THEN TELL HIM TAKE FLYING LEAP, IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR UR SON BOT TO SEE HIM AN BE HURT ALL THE TIME. MAYBE WHEN HE IS OLDER HE CAN THEN MAKE UP HIS OWN MIND ALSO KEEP A JOURNAL FOR WHAT HE PROMISES AN WHEN HE SHOWS, THAT WAY U CAN SHOVE IT WHERE EVER NEXT TIME HE STARTS HIS LIES.

Hmmmm; I have thoughts on this subject from a lot of different perspectives.

I do get why you care what your EX does? If you think and act like your child's non-custodial parent's failings are causeing him irreversible harm then it assureadly will. If you raise your child like a victim I assure you they will have a victim mentality. If you parent from guilt then your child will suffer more from your shame than his own feelings. If you allow yourself to be angry he will feel it more that you are angry with him.

That is not to say your child won't feel and absence even if you don't. Sadly about as soon as they are able to say Momma & and Dadda they get the social order of things. You are not going to change the system even if you do rock the cradel or the boat a little. But if you go to any children's group you will see that very few have the typical nuclear configuration so lighten up about it and focus on what is important. Being there and being as good at it as you can. Kids figure out you are not perfect real quick. They will also learn when you are all hot and bothered about "their hurt" and when in fact it is really is you are put-out because this is just one more way the Ex "gotcha". Don't take it as a shot; both sets of feelings go with the territory.

Ok so do you tell this twit that he is a creep? Nope. Save your breath and spare your kid. They know it and don't need to have to deal with your negatives when they have their own. Yhe only thing worse from having to defend your parent's actions is to defend it from the other parent. Or try to defend you from being hurt when they are already getting a raw deal. Is it easy to be a Hero? Nope but does your kid deserve two Zero's? Nope.

Should you get in the way of this liar? Nope. They know they are lying but hey sometimes it beats not hearing at all. Least if he hears his voice he knows he is not dead. That loss hurts your child regardless of the quality of parent your charming Ex has, is, or ever will be.

The really tricky issue is how much do you have to help Prince Charming be accessible to Jr. and vice versa? Well there was this tacid agreement when you picked him as Dad material you don't get to recind the deal. Even if you do it on paper by adoption your pint size version can't re-write biology so this gets dicey. My advice would be get your kid a P.O. Box and give him a key. See to it he gets access to it regularly and then don't bring up what mail he gets or doesn't from the Ex. Jr. will tell you what he want's you to know.

If your Ex wants a visitation make them get it through court but co-operate. Ignore anything that is not routed through a mutually agreeable arbitrator. Hang up on any conversation that wavers in the slightest to personal. An Ex does not need to talk to you to plan a mutually acceptable date.

Personally there is no way in Hades that my child would go outside of the USA but don't be surprised if he gets a visitation and takes off. I don't think An American child can legally leave the country on a Visa that both parents don't sign off on but documentation for almost anything can be bought for the right price.

I would have your child professionally photographed and clearly registered as being in your custody. You younger parents need to get on the stick and find out the current laws that apply to you and speak to your political figures.
Keep in mind if you teach your child that certain relationships are disposable someday He might decide you are the one that is disposable.

My bet is if he isn't just trying to generate contact to "look good" to an employer or girlfriend who expects him to be a "traditional" father. Sorry for some of the non-custodial parents that don't get a wake up call earlier about parenting but actually do eventually; better late than never. I also admidt the power of the custodial parent to run innerference. Those of you that do it for no exceedingly good reason; shame on you and be awares someday your child will loathe you for it.

well pacific ,its not that i want to block contact .I have told my son who is seven,that we are going to live our lives no matter what his Dad does or his actions.I don't let my son use his Dads actions as a reason or excuse to be an ass or not try..I have a block put on my sons being able to get a passport till he is 18.I did this at the time of my divorce so to avoid this situation.My sons father wants to call and write.I guess I should explain that he dropped out of his two older sons lives for good and my sons life for a year.Before that he would visit when he felt like it even though we had a liberal visitation.
My exes failings will not cause harm but dropping in and out of someones life at the drop of a hat,leaving the country without saying goodbye and making promises you can't keep certainly do make a person angry and my son has come to his own conclusions believe me.I just want my ex to be a constant in my sons life,not a visitor.Watching your son cry because his dad won't visit him sucks or having the anger diverted to you because the other one isnt there is no picnic either.
I think I have every right to be angry when the man who is supposed to love his child,hurts him the most.