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| Topic: Please Help me What Do I Do? | |
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I agree that she sounds scared or she has some secret she doesn't want you to know about. Have you thought about talking to a third party, some type of couples counseling, either a pastor (I don't know if you go to church) or a counselor, to see if you can uncover the issues?? Just a thought, otherwise sounds like you will need to give her time and see if she changes her mind. If she is going to back out, then I guess you are lucky it is in the beginning of the relationship and not a lot farther down the road and after you have invested a lot more time and heart. I am sorry you are going through this hurt.
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Booby I disagree with the people on here telling you to find someone else. They really no nothing about the connection you 2 have or stories that have been shared. It sucks to hear such advice. I can relate Bobby, i too can a awsome connection on this site as well, and was dropped as thought we never had talked, it sucks and still doesnt make sence at this time. However my advice is taken from practicing it. Patience allows people time to take a step back and realize why they feel the way they do. This in turn allow them to make a decision on what to do from there, if its worth it wait it out. Somthing ive noticed is how easily women can run away from this site and not realize that connections people have with them. If she's not interested or whatever, he doesn't have a choice. How would you feel if you didn't want someone anymore and they wouldn't leave? |
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I have been in situations like this, one of which was exactly like this. The person I dated, we talked on the phone for months and we finally met. Now she had her issues as does everyone else. After a while things seemed different, lack of emotion, phone calls, everything slowed down. She told me that when things get serious she tends to push away. Believe me, that hurt, going through the emails and letters and text messages, all proving differently. It hurt a lot seeing that difference. As much as it did, I left her alone. I am only selfish enough to protect myself. I will not make someone else miserable because I need questions answered. I took her word for it and have never spoken again. Another story was very similar, she feared the serious yet the contrary was what I was led to believe in the beginning. So I did the same, I left her alone with no quarrel. As I moved on and found someone new, she started to call me. She didn't know I was with anyone, so this wasn't a jealousy issue. She genuinely regretted what she did and wanted to get back. I never saw her so hurt by her own decision. She never regretted (she claims) anything she's done. I just became cold, I knew she was hurting and I didn't want her to know about my new life, I didn't want her to hurt more. So I didn't talk to her like we used to, I wasn't mean or anything, I just went distant. So love does hurt, sometimes the mind makes foolish decisions our heart pays for. Well, I try to avoid painful love- or lust or infatuation or whatever it is. |
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Sounds good written down, but sometimes we are not aware of the others motives.
Despite being a writer, I try to stay away from painful love as well. |
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If she's not interested or whatever, he doesn't have a choice. How would you feel if you didn't want someone anymore and they wouldn't leave? Didnt say she wasnt interested. Sounded to me like fear, which time can cure fearful thoughts.. And whos to say she doesnt want him, we should assume so much and form opinions purely on assumptions |
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Continue to fight for it? It takes 2 people to fight for something.
You've already made your position clear. The ball is in her court now, and if she's not ready for a relationship, move on. |
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i wouldnt say fight. Patience, somtimes waiting is much more effective than fighting.
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Im thinking F this girl if she could do this to me than she wasnt the hassle anyway
thank god dinner in NYC was only $200 |
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Fighting for love only works in the movies.
In this case, fighting for love may work toward a restraining order. I understand what some of you are saying about the fear. But sometimes time and effort shouldn't be wasted on trying to help someone. These are traits they must come to terms with. And so should you. What if she's lying? What if she's messed up? What if there was another? What if you miss out on someone else? And worse What if this makes you you bitter? What if you grow more layers of skin than you should become more tolerant of love? What if she takes a chance and does it again? Ever notice how some of the most beneficial tools of recovery are some of the most painful. |
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Im thinking F this girl if she could do this to me than she wasnt the hassle anyway thank god dinner in NYC was only $200 If its not worth it to you, why waste the time. So it really depends on how you feel, or how you think she is feeling |
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Fighting for love only works in the movies. In this case, fighting for love may work toward a restraining order. I understand what some of you are saying about the fear. But sometimes time and effort shouldn't be wasted on trying to help someone. These are traits they must come to terms with. And so should you. What if she's lying? What if she's messed up? What if there was another? What if you miss out on someone else? And worse What if this makes you you bitter? What if you grow more layers of skin than you should become more tolerant of love? What if she takes a chance and does it again? Ever notice how some of the most beneficial tools of recovery are some of the most painful. Well said |
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Hi,
Let me pen a few thoughts. I would recommend that you do some soul searching. Emotional independance is a vital ingredient in a happy relationship. If one is so emotionally dependant on someone, the other can feel it. This creates feeling of being "trapped" will make a person run. If I can say, a women want a strong man or an equal. A normal women want a strong emotional arm around her. A successful relationship needs to stand on 4 feet - not two. Find out what are the roots of your emotional dependance. Lack of attention and love in childhood? etc. If you don't settle first your past and mend it first, you will carry that in to your future relationship - won't give you a successful marriage neither. Even if you find someone who can play that role of caring, one day you might grow up and her role of being the caring partner will annoy you rather that help you. You would then complain of not being " Free" Her role gone, she won't be able to swim anymore. The end of your relationship arrives and you have another headache. |
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Sounds like she is afraid of her feelings......back off for awhile and see what happens. Love is a very scary thing.....it has great potential for disaster and that is probably what she is afraid of. 
I agree, I went through a similar thing myself...I reacted in a way that was not the real me at all...It was fear...yes give her some time and see how things develop...maybe let her know you will be there
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Fear can be unhealthy in any relationship, or even starting or attempting to start a relationship. alsmot like a poison
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Fear can be unhealthy in any relationship, or even starting or attempting to start a relationship. alsmot like a poison Yes, I know...Now I'm not affraid, I don't dwell and I don't make assumptions and worry my self to death.
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"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness." [Woody Allen]
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"To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness." [Woody Allen]
Now where did I read this before? |
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Well All I have came to a conclusion!
Screw her! This is the second time she has done this to me I wanted to be happy not hurt. Im going to give up I typed a long email explainging how I felt and what I thought and I sent it to the wrong email address! Just as well. Im going to let it go and if comes back then maybe it was meant to be. Dam Ill miss her smile her laugh her touch And the way she made feel I guess as the saying goes better to have love and lost than to have never loved at all Maybe one day Ill find true love im not holding my breath though |
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I'm really sorry to tell you this, but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings or cause an argument, so she's telling you it's not you, and of course, it isn't totally you there is just something about you or even her that has brought up the red flag for her and she doesn't want to come out and say what it is that's bothering her. There is something that IS bothering her about the start of this relationship that she doesn't feel right about. How do I know? Been there done that!!
I'm not going into details, and I didn't meet the guy in person that I'm telling you about now. There were a few things he said or showed me about him that nagged at me, and my intuition told me I shouldn't go any further with that relationship. For one, he was really pushy about wanting to meet me, and I wasn't ready yet. So I ended it!! I felt really bad for him because he seemed to be really into me, and he was very lonely and wanted someone in his life NOW. I didn't want to move that fast. I couldn't go any further with the relationship, but I did miss his e-mails and our phone conversations when we stopped conversing(I could of remained friends with him) but I think he wanted more. We had many great phone and e-mail conversations. I know what I want in a man and he wasn't it....sad as it is. I even went so far as to tell him things that made it sound like I was a crazy person. I didn't want him to keep trying.......so the easiest thing was to have him feel as if he was lucky to be rid of me. I hope you can understand what I'm trying to tell you. Just let her go!!!! There are many many many great women out there and yes sometimes it takes a while to find them. I bet the wait will be worth it. A LITTLE WORD OF ADVICE TO THE GUYS!! Try to be understanding to women that have been alone for a long time and hurt really bad in their lives. GO SLOW!!!!!! I can't stress that enough. If your pushy or try to make things move along faster than she can handle, I guarantee she is going to run and as fast as she can in the opposite direction as you!!! Try being her friend FIRST!! If it takes months, then so be it......if you really like her I bet the wait will be worth it!! I hope I've helped you understand a little anyway. Some of you out there might not agree with me. This is only my opinion and experience. So please, I don't want to hear how terrible I am or what I should of done different. I did what I did and feel the way I feel. Thank you!! |
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I agree that she sounds scared or she has some secret she doesn't want you to know about. Have you thought about talking to a third party, some type of couples counseling, either a pastor (I don't know if you go to church) or a counselor, to see if you can uncover the issues?? Just a thought, otherwise sounds like you will need to give her time and see if she changes her mind. If she is going to back out, then I guess you are lucky it is in the beginning of the relationship and not a lot farther down the road and after you have invested a lot more time and heart. I am sorry you are going through this hurt. Good advice Marie........especially about giving her time!! Being friends is a great start!! 
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