Ohhhh... I'm a Lumberjack and it's ok, I sleep all night and I work all day!

"all those who don't want to be crucified here, raise your hand........right, NEXT!!!

I'm Brian"!..............really, i am!

I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the fetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!

intercourse.....good and woody


concubine.....loose woman


all the naughty words sound woody.....


tiny words

Bring out your dead!

Are you the Judean peoples front
**** off-Judean peoples front
were the peoples front of judea

We want a shrubbery.

The ministry of silly walks

I have finnaly found people who will appreciate these jokes. I found them online and i love them.

-just by listening, you can tell which voice belongs to which Python.

-you can recite whole scenes and gags by yourself AND do all the right voices.

-you correct others when they get a teeny part of the script wrong.
then you insult their parents with a French accent, saying 'Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!'

-you've tried to do a Silly Walk.

-you have ever tried to teach someone The Knights of Ni's new name: "The Knights who Say Ecki-ecki-ecki-ecki-p'clang-zoop-boing-g'berz'howliziv" ( Jeff, ActJef1077@aol.com )

-when you see something dead and you yell to whomever is behind you.. "I think we 'ave an eater." ( Serena, sailorstars85@hotmail.com )

-you see decapitation on TV and comment, "It's just a flesh wound." (Holly)

-you actually have a book of Armaments in your copy of the bible. ( Doctor Dude, docdude316@yahoo.com )

-you think someone with fresh fruit is dangerous. ( cyberfan@gmx.net )

-you see someone swimming, and yell "it's a witch!!!" (jane)
...and ask to weigh them against a duck. (jane)

-you act as if you're dying when someone says the _word_ knee. (Rachel, ForsythiaV@aol.com)
...or "it".

-all questions are asked in 3. (Rachel, ForsythiaV@aol.com)

-you constantly end sentences with, "Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!" ( cyberfan@gmx.net )

-you're terrified of rabbits. ( cyberfan@gmx.net )

-whenever you see a rabbit you say "that's no ordinary rabbit, that's the most cruel, vile and vicious rodent you ever set eyes on!" ( cyberfan@gmx.net )

-you're at the grocery and the butcher is wheeling a cart of meat to the counter and you say "Bring out your dead!"
you've ever tried to buy a license for your pet fish name Eric. ( hill_4@hotmail.com )

-you've actually tried to research the velocity of an unladen swallow... both African and European! ( ricardo2424@hotmail.com )

-you see a dead animal (especially a bird) and automatically exclaim, "THIS is an EX-PARROT." ( cyberfan@gmx.net )

-whenever someone begins, "I didn't expect..." you interrupt with, "Nooobody expects the Spanish Inquistion." ( cyberfan@gmx.net )

-you have ever told someone to bring a shrubbery before entering your house. ( everydaze420 )

-you always refer to yourself as an upper-class twit, and pretend to jump over match boxes. (sarah)

-you search through the TV guide every night, hoping to find the "Twit of the Year" show. (TurfSLiver@aol.com)

-you have learned how not to be seen. (Josh Skarf)

-your excuse for when you lose something is "Aaaaaaaaw! The cat's eaten it!" (Erik H., Solobrus@aol.com)

-you can quote every word from The Quest for the Holy Grail. ( chubqueen_13@yahoo.com )

-you've actually won the Quest for the Holy Grail game. ( chubqueen_13@yahoo.com )

-your friends show off their house and you say: "It's only a model." (J. White)
you know the "Philosophers Song" by heart. ( srgcraze@aol.com )

-...you take college philosophy to learn why Immanuel Kant was a real pissant. ( srgcraze@aol.com )

-Mom asked you what do you want for dinner and you say, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM!! (Kevin Blanchard, K831@yahoo.com)

-every woman you come in contact with, you touch their breasts. (Kevin Blanchard)

-you're still trying to find a man with three buttocks. (Kevin Blanchard)

-everytime you hear a gun shot, the first thing through your mind is "Noooooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" (Al)
you tell people that you fart in their general direction. (Paul D. Forest)

-when counting you always go "1,2, 5( three sir!) 3!!!" (Scott, scope3@powersufr.com)

-you have ever tried "street climbing" (Scott)

-you keep walking back and forth by someone saying "good morning....good morning...." (Scott)

-you believe your name is Dinsdale and your being chased by a forty foot hedgehog named "Spiny Norman" (Scott)
you eat, wear, burn, and feed the cat lupins. (AntDuble07@aol.com)

-people around you feel queasy after a meal, you casually mention "I didn't have the fish" and laugh to no one in particular (Ariel Penkower)

-you skip through the house making horse sounds with coconuts.
when in a restaurant, you can't resist taking the napkin, knotting the corners, and wearing it like a hat. ( Zoe, zobrien@rocketmail.com )

-after telling someone your profession, you immediately add "...but I always wanted to be a LUMBERJACK!" ( Zoe )
you suddenly change the subject by saying "And now for something completely different..." ( Zoe )

-when someone asks you a question you say: "I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition." (visitor submission)

-everytime you want to change the subject you say "and now for something completely different"

-you named your website Weasels and Spit

-when, after coming in from doing hard work, someone asked you what you've been doing you've ever replied "I just spent four hours buryin' the cat" (and enjoyed the strange look you got)

-you have ever responded to someone asking where something is by saying "Is it behind the rabbit?"

-your birthday/Christmas wish list has "a holy hand granade" as your number one wish.

-all of your comebacks/insults are in an "outrageous accent." (footballgrrl@usa.net)

-somebody wishes to move past you (vehicle, etc.) you quote the bridge scene. (footballgrrl@usa.net)

-when someone asks your name you say "(in a thundering voice) Some people call me. . . (quieter) [your name here]. (footballgrrl@usa.net)

-if you find yourself saying "NI" to people that you don't like ( Matt, k98mk03@kzoo.edu )

-you have a perfect cockney accent... and you've never been to England

-you find yourself saying "tis only a scratch" when you are bleeding to death and laughing about it through the pain (Psycho Dragon, christop@umr.edu)

-you have all the CD's with songs on them, and people catch you singing them to yourself. (Psycho Dragon)

-you watched "As Good As It Gets" and snickered when Jack Nicholson played "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life," not because of the irony of it all, but because you remember the song from "Life of Brian."

my favorite is the black knight in the movie the holy grail

shes got HUGE tracks of land!

The fish slapping dance

the twit race, i know so many that could participate

best song ever:

Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me.
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you, too.
I love to hear you moralize,
When I'm between your thighs;
You blow me away!

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you.
I'll sit on your face and let my love be truly.
Life can be fine if we both sixty-nine,
And we'll sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play,
'Till we're blown away!

Mr. Creosote

I AM KING OF THA BRITAINS!!!!


true say holy grail owns!