At times,and most often,love cannot survive a time test when its as dry. Both the parties must come up with a clear understanding of initiatives to bring life to their love. The basic,compulsory and universal most important "love spice" is good sex. The rest are supplements. What's your opinion?

Relationships are primarily sustained by clear and honest communication, and accepting/understanding what is communicated.

Most of what makes up communication has little to do with what comes out of your mouth. Most communication, most informative, honest, and clear (albeit not to your conscious self) is indirect communication, non face communication.

Sex is driven primarily by indirect communication.
Feeling how their body reacts and immediately responding, hearing moans and gasps and wetness and hardness and seeing pupil dilation and skin blushing and breath speed and pheromones and sweat, pushing and pulling and seeking comfortable positions and gasps, tensing and relaxation of muscles, and such.

"Good" sex "may" be an indicator of ultimately having good understanding of communication and a willingness to accept, understand, and adapt for the sake of the other ultimately leading to a synergistic reciprocity of mutual fulfillment.


Sex is an important tool you subconsciously use to test/shortcut relationship communication.

It's not a "spice."
It's a quick means of figuring out "are things okay? Are they still good? Am I still getting what I want out of the relationship? Can they be trusted? Are they being honest?"

my opinion is that the 'basic, compulsory, and universal most important love spices' are creativity, communication, and consideration, these are also the spices that lead to 'good sex', which is a supplement.

IMHO

True love is a commitment to each other. Good sex is a bonus!

Well said ...only an old soul can come up with that....kudos

I have a different view of this, no doubt as a result of what I chance to have been through, and what I learned about myself as a result.

The big thing I want to point out, right at the top, is that "relationship" doesn't have a single definition or scope. Even after you narrow it down to JUST monogamous sex-mixed-with-living-together stuff that most people here think of when they discuss this.

I personally didn't get married so that I would have lots of entertainment, as many people seem to do. Yes, I wanted (and still would like, please) lots of sex for fun, help here and there around the house, and the occasional small adventure.

But the main reason I wanted a "relationship" from the very beginning, has been to HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP. Come what may. I got married because I wanted to BE MARRIED.

I wanted to love and be loved, just because we were people who wanted to live life as a pair. That's not intended as some moral statement, or to try to portray myself as some sort of idealist, it's just a simple fact.

What I found, is that a surprising few people seem to want that, other than me. Lots of people want a list of personal pleasures and reassurances of various kinds fulfilled. That's where advice like "spice up the sex," and "work to communicate" come from.

In my unfortunate experience, if someone says that I need to "step up my game," or "put more work and imagination into the relationship," that means simply that they don't love or want me. Period. Not as a mate.

Now, that certainly doesn't mean that I expect someone to put up with whatever undisciplined nonsense I chance to spew, so please don't get the wrong idea.

But in my experience, whenever someone found that I wasn't, as I am, enough for them to want to continue as a mate, it wasn't because I needed to try harder, it was always because they'd figured out that they were wrong to start up with me to begin with.

In addition, in a more general way, it looks to me as though about half of the people I have known who have talked about wanting their mate to try harder to please them, were actually themselves, the person in the situation who had lost the sense of what they were in the relationship for to begin with. Their mate was every bit as interested in them, every bit as "creative," every bit as desirous of them, as they always had been; but because the person complaining had lost their own sense of what they were there for, they thought it was their MATE who wasn't putting enough into the relationship.

In a committed relationship, monogamous, it should be about pleasing each other both man and woman should have equal input on that.

Dating is a whole different game. Most people date to be dating and move from one to another.