Well it can be
Romantic + realistic = disaster too

I agree. I've read some stories about disappointments when finally meeting for the first time. It ranges from shallow to really serious reasons. From physical (looks) disappointment to lack of "chemistry" or emotional connection, etc. This can be really painful for both when they've already invested a lot of time together online or if there's already serious emotions involved prior to meeting. It can be hard to suppress feelings while still online, but I feel it's best not to have high expectations. It's going to be a lot easier to accept the other person that way; except if the disappointment is something about dishonesty.

That's much more realistic .. hope the realist would survive the hear break, lol ..

Now, what about those, who can be romantic and realistic at the same time? Mega big trouble?

That's a good advice! Don't focus on your high hopes or dream visions. Reality is gonna be different anyways. So if you're going to meet someone in person the very first time, should be wise to leave your expectations and visions home .. and start from the blank page .. take it as watching an exciting movie or adventure trip, where you two are starring, but no idea, how it might end .. improvisation combined with a good sense of humour should be in place.
Also .. a big and warm smile is always a good icebreaker for starters .. the very first meeting doesn't have to end up with 100% success, but would be nice if it won't leave a bitter taste in your mouth - to both of you.
Thank you, Earth Girl!

Agree!
With both of you.


Something I've learned from both personal experience and observation of others is that people tend to lay blame when meets don't work out as expected.
Lots of people are offended when the person doesn't measure up to their expectations.
Sometimes it is because the other has been inaccurate or dishonest but sometimes it is because the other person is not what they imagined.

During online correspondence people tend to erect fantasy personas on the people they are assocuiating with. They meet, thinking they will be that way in real life and when they are not that way, they get angry at the person for not being what they expected.

The knee-jerk reaction is anger and hostility towards the other person.
Some people get angry and say things to hurt them. They are rude, insensitve and sometmes downright hostile.

I try to remember that they are people too. They have pride, expectations and feelings just like me. Just because they may not be right for you, they might be right for someone else.
If it isn't going to work, let them down easy.
Let them know that there is someone out there that is right for them but it just doesn't happen to be you.
Leave them with hope and self-esteem so they can continue their search without issues.

Likewise, If someone is hostile towards you, learn from it.
Examine the persona you are broadcasting, is it accurate to who you are?
Understand that others may not be as strong as you in self-esteem.
They may not know how to handle the encounter.
If someome screams at you or is rude to you, try not to let them break your calm and gain power over your personal contentment.
Just walk away.

Major mayday alert

The realist has a better chance i think lol

For me, it's not about having high expectations. I learned that hard lesson several years ago. And yes, there has been some that there was just no click after meeting them. That I can deal with. For either of us. For me, it's usually always something really bad.

Example's, Her kids. I've come across some doozies. From just hateful and mean to their mothers. (And expected me to take their crap too.) Motherers that can't let their kids go and live their own lives. Kids that are grown and have kids of their own. But still, want the mother to keep them up. Dope addicts, drunks, and thieves.

I even knew one that just up and left with her 22-year-old son because he got caught shoplifting at Wal-Mart for the 3rd time. She ran off with him to keep him from going to jail. The whole time I was with her, her son stayed in trouble. Almost every day it was something.

As I said, it's usually really bad stuff that I find out "after" I start having feelings for them. Which makes it harder. You spend months talking to someone. You really start to like them. You go visit them and you still like what you see. But you don't know how full of drama their lives really are. You don't know how messed up their lives are until you've invested your heart.


Many try to hide how messed up and full of drama their lives are. I don't know, maybe they think that if they hide it I'll fall in love and accept it? I don't know. All I do know is sometimes I really think about never dating again.

Charles, maybe they were not the right women nor was it the right time? The first meeting would always be unforgettable wether it was good or bad as first impressions do last. We all have flaws. Maybe trying to talk about it with a possible relationship will filter out bad first meetings? just a thought

I think you're right. Wrong women, wrong time. But, you know, it's hard to talk to a woman about such things. When you get right down to it, there is no good way to approach the subject. Our country, a lot of the people in it, are easily offended. They go off the deep end. Even when they know you're right.

Shall I run for my life now? Or what would be a realistic option?

Im sure there are always exceptions and sometimes surprisingly when you least expect it.

Pilots say mayday when they are about to crash right? So no need to run lol. A realistic approach to the equation i think would be to have a balance in both A and B to make it just right enough to keep existing in a level that is desirable to both. JMO

See, the thing is, my heart is not something that I invest in another.
As in, once in, there is no way out.
We always have a choice. The choice may not be what we want, or expect but it is still a choice.

Failure is an option. Its our fails that teach us as much, sometimes more, than our successes. The thing that is important is to learn from our experiences so we don't repeat our mistakes.

If someone is constantly choosing the wrong type of person, they are not learning wisdom. They need to step back and reevaluate their decision process. Not just for selecting dates but for all aspects of their lives.
Chances are, there is more wrong than just being unable to choose the right people to associate with.

It takes self-esteem, discipline and inner honesty to properly use the wisdom acquired. Without it, they're doomed to repeat the mistakes again and again. Life becomes miserable and they find themselves in a place in life they do not want to be.

Life is lead by the decisions we make, good and bad. Take charge of life and be in control of your destiny. Joy and contentment is entirely of one's own choosing.

I fully understand .. but it would be pretty complicated to find a human being without a drama in his/her life. We all have something, which others may not like .. be it teenage kids grown over the head, broken relationships, pet animals, criminal record from the past, drinking habits, or his/her friends, whom she/he likes to spend a good time with ..
Could it be that actually they're not hiding anything, but they're just used to live their lives the best possible ways, accepting their problems without being able to get rid of them. Or they may not see any drama at all .. or they're in need of someone's shoulder to rely on and who's gonna will to lean a helping hand, when the times are hard ..
If you're about to invest your heart, means you're going to share everything .. good and bad, joy and sorrow .. with no complaint .. it's mutual.
If you really love somebody, then her problems are not any more just her's, but will become yours too. And you will do your best to get these things sorted out .. it's so natural, because she's your only one ..
But if she's stuck to her problems just because she's a trouble maker by her nature, then there would be no go, imho.

Let's take a look at the third and a final scenario .. how realistic or romantic it might be, it's you to decide ..
Driving my car .. all alone, in the night .. the weather's terrible .. stormy winds with a proper rain and wet snow .. the road feels icy.
I'm heading home, when suddenly I notice in the beams of the headlights another car by the road, and a lady driver, apparently in trouble, desperately trying to stop me.
I'm exhausted, sleepy and hungry, but still will stop my car .. just to find out there's a flat tyre, which needs to be replaced. Not a dream job in complete darkness, when the rain pours down .. and the wind is trying to blow off your pants ..
However, as we're all alone on that narrow road in the middle of the nowhere, and she's in a real trouble, I just can't refuse ..
When the job's finally done, I'm about to leave, all wet and dirty, completely frozen, when she comes to me, takes my hand and gives me a piece of paper with a phone number on it .. saying -- I really hope to see you again .. just call me, ok? --
So, your lifetime love can be just around the corner, in the most common place, where you could expect it the least.
Just keep your eyes and heart opened, and don't have too high expectations .. otherwise dropping to the ground may break your .. nope - not the bones .. but heart
Hope you guys enjoyed this topic

I won't run then, but catch you when you are falling. Kinda balance that is, I suppose

Yes, thanx.