So, a wedding means different things to different people, but for most it is a special occasion on some level, to be shared with family, loved ones, and friends.

But what if you are marrying someone that loved ones, family, or friends do not think is right for you. I do not mean that they hate this person or have ill will, but they just don't truly support your choice to marry them for whatever reason, they don't truly and genuinely support the wedding, though they love you and have nothing personal against the fiance.

Knowing this, do you invite them to the wedding anyway? Do you expect them to fake their approval of the ceremony to prove their love/devotion to you? Can you continue to accept they love you and respect your partner even if they do not attend the wedding?

What do you think, should you have expectations for a show of support even by loved ones who love you and dont support your choice to wed?

Could you get married with those you know support the wedding, and still continue a loving relationship with those who may not?

as an extreme example, if you lived where consentual adult incest was legal, and you wanted to marry your brother, but your parents, EVEN THOUGH they love you both, did not approve of you marrying .. would you insist they attend anyway, or could you understand their objection and excuse them from the event while maintaining the same family bond you always had?

Regarding the extreme case, all I can say is that I would never attend such a wedding.

Sadly, many second marriages result in the situation you describe, people not attending for personal reasons against the marriage, or fear of offending someone else by attending.

My opinion is that you should invite and encourage all your friends and relations to attend your wedding, you are asking them to share with you your happy day, you are not requesting their permission or approval to wed. It is up to those who choose not to attend your wedding to decide their future relationship with you, you have at least offered yours.

so you do think the 'future relationship' should be based upon wedding attendance?

There are many reasons someone may not attend a wedding, work, distance, financial etc..
You may also ASSUME you know someone may not "approve" of this relationship but may be wrong.
I agree that you should invite everyone in your family, friends that you want there. If they don't come it is on you how you interpret that outcome. Holding grudges does no one any good...in time that person may see the happiness the person brings to you or you may see that the person was right all along. Either way prejudging anything, specially a persons intentions can be harmful.

I tend to believe also that relationships should not be based on any one thing or the attendance of one day, but the cumulative treatment and experiences during the duration of that relationship. I feel I would not want someone to attend a wedding that I knew they didnt really agree with, and if they were always a good and loving person towards me, I would not throw that relationship away over one day. But now, I think people toss out relationships too quickly over their egos.

I think all your friends and relations should be invited, whether or not they do attend the wedding would have no influence on my own relationship with them afterwards, it would be the same. However, those who choose not to attend for whatever reason, may also decide to have no future relationship with me, I would have no control over their decision, but I would hope that would not happen.

I would still marry even if I knew they had decided not to attend my wedding, and I believe wedding attendance or none attendance, shouldn't change the future relationship, and I would sincerely hope there would be no change.

Some situations are complicated such as this. Maybe the best thing to do is talk to this person BEFORE wedding invitations go out. Ask if they feel uncomfortable going to the wedding or just straight tell them you value their friendship but if they don't support your decisions then it will be the end of your friendship.Whether it is a relative or friend they should be happy that someone(regardless of their opinion of that person) makes YOU happy.
Of course in the extreme that this person has some history of violence, adulterer or something in past that can harm you.

I have a friend from India who married outside of her faith and ethnicity. Half of her family did not approve of the marriage, though they had nothing against the groom personally. She invited every single family member who had protested strongly against the union.

One year later, I attended a very large surprise anniversary party that her Father (the biggest naysayer of all) insisted on hosting, to welcome his fabulous new son in law into the family once and for all. He gave a tear-jerking speach about what a good man he was for his daughter and how he couldn’t have picked a better partner for her himself.

Of course, there’s no garantee that inviting the naysayers will open this door, but not inviting them just may close it.

I dont feel that love should require people to 'support' our decisions if it means being dishonest about how they feel about our choices. I do not 'support' drinking, so no matter how much I love someone, I probably wont attend their BYOB party. I would hate for them to throw out everything I have supported and all our previous history because of one event that I didnt agree with or want to be a part of. I dont think I could do that in any relationship with a person who had always loved and been there for me.

I, personally, would hate the idea of knowing someone was in the pews faking a smile for appearance sake when they felt anything but 'happy' about what was unfolding in front of them. I also personally dont agree with the 'just be happy people are happy' doctrine. "Happy" is fleeting. There are a list of things people do and say because it gives them a moment of 'happy' that lead to a lifetime of miserable.

In the end, people make choices, some are good some are bad.
Some are lucky to pick a mate that they stay with 30 or 40 years and beyond. Some make a lot of poor choices that last less then a year etc..
These choices also include those that may come or agree and those that don't come and disagree.
I would conclude by saying that what will be, will be and and all the worrying or concern about how someone feels about a situation is wasted time. The only thing that is important is how YOU feel about anything.

I think my love ones would support my decision of choice, even if they didn't. Like the man.

I 'm older mature and wouldn't listen to negative comments anyway.

I had a nice wedding first marriage, so I plan to go to Justice of peace or just have a private ceremony with a pastor. If I marry ever again. Everything went great and my love ones came liked him, first marriage.

Then Maybe a reception and most people attend for free food.

Anyway that last incest thing. Would never be a choice for me.

Likewise, I would never support a sexual relationship between my kids or attend the ceremonial wedding that precludes the consummation of that choice. But they still would never stop being my kids, I would never stop loving them and giving them guidance and encouragement for healthy and positive choices, nor would our relationship as parent-child change because of their bedroom activities. I would hope they could understand how I 'felt' regarding the actual wedding and not feel it was a reason to cut me off for not attending.

The way some people view a marriage today. I'm not surprised as to what some people do!

Depends on the relationship we have.
Depends on the budget I/we have for the wedding.

I mean there's a difference between a first cousin once removed I've seen twice in my life all the way to my mother I may see every day.
There's a difference between a $50K wedding where I may not even interact with everyone that shows up, and exchanging vows at the courthouse and a reception at Sizzler with immediate family.
Depends if the bride is inviting 200 family members, and I have 10 people I can invite and want to fill out the "grooms" side or something.

There are a lot of considerations other than the emotional to consider determining invitations.


Huh? You mentioned "family, or friends" as well as "loved ones."
My wedding ceremony isn't a ritual meant to test the "love/devotion" of my social network.
It's meant to communicate the relationship I have with a certain person to these people.

I don't expect them to fake their approval if they responded to the invitation as well as show up, just shut up, enjoy the show, the food, and don't try to sabotage the ceremony or reception.


If I already accept they love me and respect my partner before the wedding, their lack of attendance doesn't magically change that.

Most likely I will already know whether or not they would choose to attend before I send out or offer any invitations.


I don't know what you mean by "loving relationship."
If I'm getting married, all of my other relationships are going to change. As my primary focus is going to be on my marriage, time is going to be spent maintaining my wife and future family more than any other "loving relationship."


I would never insist. Unless maybe they were the only other people in the universe I knew or cared about me.



Yes?
Seeing as there is nothing that defines the "family bond" before the wedding?


I'm just wondering in the "extreme example" if the two people in the "adult incest" relationship kept the relationship completely hidden and discreet and then one day sent out wedding invitations informing everyone of their relationship?