My 9 years old son won't sleep alone.It is not because he can not fall asleep by himself, he just prefers the comfort and maternal intimacy. There are times I have worried about that he would never grow up if he sleeps with my nightly. When I think back my time that families all shared the same beds for centuries. My brother and I both turn out rather independent. I moved to Canada 16 years ago alone, and my brother lives in the different cities apart from my parents. In addition, we both rarely miss the time when spending with our parents.
So What is your thought and experience with your children sleep with you in the same bed?

9 years old is way to old for that...IMO, you need to make him find his room at night, for his own well being, and yours too...

He has his own bedroom. The racing-car bed was specially bought for training him to sleep alone before my separation. So far i don't see any negative psychological on him yet. On the contrary, he has apparently become more confident, happier and high-esteem boy.

Maybe he's frightened you'll leave him to?

My son was like that at that age.
He wouldn't fall asleep unless someone was in his bed with him.
The situation became worse when his mother died.
Then I got him a puppy to stay in his room when he slept.
My son slept by himself the first night he had the puppy.

Hummm myself I don't see a thing wrong with it.. Both of my kids sleep with me from time to time. Yes they always had their own room. When I first got my divorce my son was 9 at the time. He had been sleeping in his bed for a while but after my divorce both of my kids felt the need to sleep with me.. And they did till they were ready to go back to their beds...

I assure ya both of my kids, are well adjusted and both of them allow their kids to come to their beds if they wake up during the night..

Some kids just need the closeness more then others...

When he was 5 years old, he asked me once about when would I get a BF. My answer to his question was" when the time you grow up".
Or maybe he doesn't want to grow up... ha

Hi David,

Thanks for sharing your solution!

As the parent myself, I feel the relieve at that night.

Hi Txsgal

Salute to all of our great, smart and confident moms.

This may or may not be a psychological problem.
Is he exhibiting insecurity in other ways?
Is his insecurities affecting his ability to function?

At nine years old I had my own life, I was always on my bicycle, staying overnight at friends houses and able to make my own sandwich.

I'm sure you love your son.
As a parent, its your job to teach him independence.
You can still be close but not smothering (not that you are).

What happens when you leave him alone in the house?
Does he flip on the TV? Build a model, do a puzzle?
Does he have a fit? Lash out? Cry?

Sometimes counseling can help.
Sometimes just some reassurance is needed.
At nine years old, there IS a person in there.
Sometimes, just reasoning with him can make a world of difference.

I raised four children. They had their siblings as companions but there were times when they just needed mom or dad or both.
I never saw it as a problem.

My daughter is 27, has her own family but still finds comfort while visiting by being near me. All my kids do at different extent.

Try not to see it as a problem but more as a parenting challenge.
Give him confidence thru support.

Aww, maybe explain to him that if you did get a partner he would have to sleep in his own bed.
Although I'd be certain of your feelings of the guy before you start introductions, you don't want to have him upset again by another farther figure leaving him.

Mikey brings up a good point but not on the surface.

Perhaps your son is suffering from an identity crisis.
He is unable or unwilling to let you grow past his need.
Maybe that is because he still sees himself as mommy's baby boy.
Not as his own person.

You can try reinforcing his sense of identity.
Allow him to experience things on his own.
Try to refrain from telling him you don't like something or that its bad for him if it isn't.
Part of growing up is making your own mistakes and learning from the consequences.
You should still protect him from hurting himself but allow him to make his own decisions for some things, when its safe to do so.

I actually fought this as a parent myself.
I tried to dictate what my children liked or didn't like.
It wasn't till I let them decide for themselves that they finally matured.
I still advise them but they know it is advice and that they have their own say in the end.
When they do make mistakes, I try to help them make sense of what happened and why it happened so they learn.

Self identity leads to independence.
Ask yourself if you are afraid to let go.
It might be something you are doing without intention.
Examine how you interact with your son with honesty and reasoning.
Then make a consious effort to change those unwanted patterns.

Good points tom, maybe give the little guy tasks, drawing, lego anything within he remit and praise him, all the time taken a step back but still showing interest.

Psychological program ?

All people who have met my son would say that he is a nerd.

When he was three years old, he figured out how to calculate double-digit numbers math in the bathroom alone.

When he was six years old, a psychologist stated that his vocabulary usage was in a high school level.

If you ask him what is the difference between cancer and tumor, he would give you a clear answer without a blink.

He loves looking at the periodic table just like some kids loves playing video games.

He is sensitive and compassionate. Sometimes he considers too much about other's feelings...

He doesn't like doing math because he is forced by me.however he is able to independently finish the whole page of advanced math by himself while i am not home.

I think it is me who worries too much about my son.This is nothing but a bed time sleep habit. it certainly will not lead to any of oietipal sense in this co-sleep case.

Oh well, guess we've been of no hope, guess you'll just have to get tough and sort it yourself. are you sure it didn't start with you wanting the company while asleep? Good luck.

He loves his momma.
He sees you lonely.
You worded your concerns like he was having a problem.
Perhaps the problem is not with your son?

Children pick up on the emotional states of their parents.
Are you projecting something that makes him feel a need to give you comfort?
He might just be worried about you?
Examine yourself.

He loves his momma. Yes. He actually sees how much i love him


He sees you lonely. No. At age of 9 , the word of lonely has not been defined in his mind.


You worded your concerns like he was having a problem. Half correct. I worded my concerns because of guilty pleasure


Perhaps the problem is not with your son? I have said he is a highly intelligent boy. No problem there.

Children pick up on the emotional states of their parents. True


Are you projecting something that makes him feel a need to give you comfort?
He might just be worried about you? Lol... I am the parent , he is the kid. I worry about him, but not another way around.

Examine yourself.

I can not wait for him to grow out this phase so i can finnaly enjoy sleeping alone.
How can a loving mom push a scared of dark little kid back to his own bedroom! What is for?