Aloha Minglers...

Have you ever been involved in a fiery verbal and/or physical altercation with your partner/significant other/wife/husband due infidelity, or just plain jealousy, or any number of reasons?

1 – Did you lose it or were you able to keep your cool?
2 – on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being warm and 10 volcanic, what would you say?
3 – did property damage occur (broken things like cell phones, televisions, furniture, etc; thrown things like dishes, flatware, pots, pans, etc; keying cars)?
4 – ever have close interactions a day or week or sometime afterwards?
5 – did you say you did this because you “loved” the other so much?
6 – How has the experience impacted you?

Hiya ...

I might have to say all of the above at one time in my life ...
no.5 - a little sketchy... for love ... not so sure about that ...

sure it has impacted me ... in a lot of ways ... I try to move on from the negative right away but sometimes

i can honestly say i have never had a blow up with a significant other over infidelity or jealousy

1 – Did you lose it or were you able to keep your cool?
Overall, I maintained my composure. I was very angry but vented elsewhere (hammer on steel at work)
2 – on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being warm and 10 volcanic, what would you say?
Due to it being a repeating occurance, 8 at first then, by the end, a 2
3 – did property damage occur (broken things like cell phones, televisions, furniture, etc; thrown things like dishes, flatware, pots, pans, etc; keying cars)?
I learned long before that not to throw my tools, so nothing got broken but some steel plate got pretty dented up. (I did break the handle of a sledgehammer while pounding but it was already in a worn state)
4 – ever have close interactions a day or week or sometime afterwards?
Sure, I always attempted to forgive her. Up until a point when I realized she was not going to change due to her addiction to the drugs she was on and in total denial.
5 – did you say you did this because you “loved” the other so much?
I "used to" think that was it but I have realized I was in love with the idea of continuing to love her and figured out that wasn't the right mindset.
6 – How has the experience impacted you?
Separation, Divorce, Loss of Family Integrity, Isolation.
I gained independence, self-respect, efficiency, motivation, toleration, individuality, understanding, control and removed many delusions from my thinking.

I realize that my life is much, much better without her in it and not only do I have what I want, I owe nobody.

Yes, I'm the jealous type. Fiery verbal so volcanic. I used to break dishes but I stopped that because it was messy and I had to clean it up. But my late husband was not good in fighting... he would just leave the house and that drove me crazy. grrrrrr


p.s. - I have mellowed through the years. I am now a very tolerant person. Really I am.

yes dear he says thru the barred door

Haha, sounds rather familiar, at some time in the past that is. I have also mellowed. Although I wouldn't call it mellowing, because I believe you lash out that way out of insecurity, despair, that sort of thing.
My ex could also bugger off, sometimes for 3 hrs on end. First few times I went up the wall when he did that. Then I learnt to deal with it. In the end I didn't really care about it anymore. But by that time our relationship was down the tubes too, lol.

1 – Did you lose it or were you able to keep your cool?
I've actually experienced both, but yeah, I can lose it.

2 – on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being warm and 10 volcanic, what would you say?
Erm... Let's say I've had a few total Vesuvius melt-downs in the past... And add to that that I really don't like that myself. It sux to feel that way, to feel so much despair and pain.

3 – did property damage occur (broken things like cell phones, televisions, furniture, etc; thrown things like dishes, flatware, pots, pans, etc; keying cars)?
Keying cars? LOL. (not that I'd ever do such a thing btw.) For me if I'd do something like that it's not about upsetting or hurting the other person, it's about letting off steam, getting that tsunami of pain and despair out of my system. Basically an attempt to get back control over myself.

4 – ever have close interactions a day or week or sometime afterwards?
Don't understand this question?


5 – did you say you did this because you “loved” the other so much?
Gosh, been a while, but no, I don't think so. I had a melt-down because I was hurt to the very core.

6 – How has the experience impacted you?
Yes. I lost trust in them. In the damage done is such that it's very difficult to mend.

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Aloha Crystal...number 4 was - after the blowup was over and the dust had settled, did you sometime later have intimacy with the person?...

Hi crystal, with me it was just that I was a real beyatch to live with. And I know my husband adored me. He is now in heaven where he belongs. After life with me, God knows he deserves it. :(

Great Question:

Mine is not on your list:

6. confrontations: a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. Do you walk into your room and shut the door and cry. do you stand up to your partner and shout back. Do you slam the door as you are leaving the room and get into your car and leave for a few hours?

I will walk into my room or a room that is empty, and I will listen to music, watch tv or Typeset all my hurt into words and then deleted it all then type it again a few more times until I have what I want to say to the person who hurt me. Most of the time it is sitting in my computer unread for only my eyes after a few weeks or months maybe even years I will delete everything for the hurt has disappeared.

I have no reason to fight with a man I will only get hurt so I am smart enough to know when to walk away and let him handle it himself. It was not about me in the first place he just had a bad day!

My ex-husband and I never had a fight until he told me he cheated, 3 yrs into the marriage. After that, all trust was gone and I lived my life for my kids, not my husband. When they graduated we got a divorce. end of story.

With Gary, who I met on this site 13yrs ago, we never had a fight not once, he wanted to be loved and that is what I did I loved him the best I could. he had a lot of health problems and I guess he knew I was the only women who would put up with him. he had already been married 3 times he didn't want to risk a 4th time.

He had nothing and I asked for nothing, I even signed my rights away to anything a prenup agreement so he knew I loved him. he only made $12.00 an hr and when he got his S.S. he only brought home $1800 a month. He died the next year. I got nothing when he died and I didn't want anything.

I moved so the Memories would fade over time. Other then words the years have passed and I have mourned enough for his grave.

I never had a blow up doll either.

Ah, okay. A day or week after, I can't remember. These things happened long time ago. I've gotten a bit wiser and calmer and stronger.

But afterwards, as in rather soon or makeup sex... not likely. Not when it's about this subject. If I got hurt to the point I basically broke down, the last thing I want and need is sex.
I'd need some time to find my bearings and I'd have to feel loved and cherished again.
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Ive never been cheated on to my knowledge but I see infidelity as something that is so common and played out now , that I have the mindset that no one is exempt from the possibility.

As a result, Im likely to skip the shock , denial and anger stage of grief and go straight to the grief and weeping if I discovered infidelity.

But ofcourse you never know how you will react until it happens to you

Through twenty years marriage to a bipolar person, I had an uncounted number of vicious experiences. I never found anything that worked to resolve any of them, which is logical, given the diagnosis (after fifteen years). Since none of them were triggered by real problems, none of them could be helped by my only useful ability: logical reasoning.

Within myself, I've never become so angry that I lashed out and hit anyone, but I have been hit. For some reason, I always have the idea in the back of my mind that the other person (especially a mate) must have some reason to be behaving so badly, that I need to figure out.

But I have no such patience with inanimate objects. The only thing that stops me from breaking things which fail to obey the laws of physics, is the cost to me if I do.

No, I never had "make up sex." I'm not turned on by fights with a mate, I'm depressed by them.

And no, I not only never thought that someone who attacked me did so because they loved me, it was always clear (later) that the opposite was true: people who attack think of you as an object, or as a problem of some kind. Not as a respected equal.

Collectively, over time, I adjusted my life to avoid spending any significant time with anyone who thinks that they are justified to commit acts of violence against someone who they claim to care about. This is again, because 100% of the people I have known who thought that way, repeatedly abused everyone around them for the entire time I knew them.