Ok I talk a lot about ..Women and their baggage and issues.. women on here talk a lot about men and their baggage and issues

Well here's a chance to point the finger at ourselves..
What issues or baggage do you bring into a relationship..
Or issues in baggage that you generally carry around day today with you... identifying these issues can help you be a better person help you find a relationship..
But you have to be honest you have to look deep within yourself and be honest.. yes it can be painful to admit to yourself that you have issues...

For myself my mother left when I was very young that left me with abandonment issues..
Which then translated into commitment issues...
Self esteem issues not feeling Worthy.... I grew up in a household of women... which made me a bit metrosexual...ok.a.lot..
Which then translated later in life having me feel like less of a man because I was not a big hunter fisher..
.. type of guy...
Makes me a bit oversensitive..I constantly have to keep myself in check.. blow something up once in awhile..lol....

But I identified these issues a long time ago ..and have dealt with them for the most part but every day I work on myself...


So what baggage and issues do you carry deep inside yourself..
Be honest... you might find it might just turn the light bulb on in your..mind. .Help you in your life and relationships...and please. . Let's support each other not tear each other down..ok..

We all have baggage from previous relationships, and I am comfortable discussing my issues one on one with a person. But Im not too sure that its the best idea to advertise one's baggage on a dating site.

Maybe we should allow people to get to know us gradually as a complete entity with strengths, weaknesses , baggage and the lessons we used to make us better people :)

Yes.. obviously you have sharing issues..lol.. I'm just kidding you know that..xoxo... but yes you do what you find works for you and what's comfortable for you...
Just providing a platform for people that want to explore the things that makes them. ..them... and in doing so maybe it helps a viewer come to terms with their own issues seeing that they are not alone..

Ohh... and I do not worry about giving some scammer some virtual bloodsucker psychological emotional fuel to use to manipulate..me.. if you are not a strong-willed strong mind person... then by all means do not post on here... but if you are not acceptable to Jedi Mind Tricks..lol..
Then fear not.. the life sucking scammers out there... I will not live my life by their rules I will live my life by my rules...yes..

I was just trying to explain my logic for not responding to this question . It's not the best self marketing on a dating site

But I admire your motive for the thread Doc

oh hell I'll post
let's see now
folks divorced when I was five
then both remarried and divorced again
I am a child of an alcoholic
what else...was married for 20 years
was like beating a dead horse at times..stayed longer than maybe I should have all said and done out of sheer stubborness and inability to admit
failure
what else..I am opinionated and do not like being told what to do
I protect my own freedom fiercly

There isn't a person alive that doesn't have some type of baggage.whether they are 10 or a 100. IMHO

The trick is to learn what it is and make the choice of throwing it away and leaving it in the trash where it belongs or choose to revamp old baggage into something wonderful.

In saying that, I honestly believe that each person needs to learn who and what they are, understanding their personal strengths and weakness be open and honest with whom they are in a relationship with.

In the end it is all about acceptance or not, everyone has a choice. Of how they perceive themselves and others.

..thank you and .what I said in this ^^ was for everyone's. . Benefit..
Was not pointed at you...ok..lol..wink...
I know!!.. but just want to make it clear to you...I know you are a strong minde women...wink.

well I was raised by two men ... so it seems all of my life I had to be strong ... and felt I could not have a weakness ... I married twice and divorced twice... do not have enough space for what I could say but have lost most of the baggage ... I try and be very independent but have learned... sometimes I need help ...I am very opinionated... and my daughter does not like that ... which I am working on that issue ...lol I am getting memory issue ... means I can loose my train of thought with in seconds... I am sometimes not very patience...so I can blow up about something and go bipolar on someone ... something I am working on also ... I do want to fall in love again ... but keep a lot of distance between myself & men and generally fall head over heals :>) with someone... I know that it would be in possible to meet them ... so I have learned my lesson there... and began seeing the real world ... not the fantasy life... I would love to have with them ... and sometimes I don't feel worthy of loving someone again ... and that may be a hang up with someone I could love but only know when it happens ... love should be easy not hard ... ok no bright ideas lol there ... yes... I love to laugh ...and is definitely a requirement of my nxt love ... I could say I might be hard to live with now ... becouse it has been so long I have been alone ... I also like a lot of causes ... which I might clash with someone who does not agree ... not sure what else ... something I may have forgotten lmao see ...I sometimes can be or sound mean but at that time ...I am really not ... say to blunt... an do not mean to hurt someones feelings ...

Happiness is what matter most in relationship

Lately I have traveled with back-bag and my little white dog and can't see any issues here.

I won't unroll my life-story in here. That would bee too much for you to handle.

I usually keep a name tag on my baggage so it's easily identifiable.

Oh where to begin where to begin is there enough space for my issues..LOL

I too was abandoned by my mother like her mother & her mother before.
Starting to see a pattern yet. Had a doting father just unable to raise
two young daughters himself. So great grandmother stepping in, more
by obligation than choice. She was a perfectionist. Which all this has
caused multiple issues for me more like obstacles to overcome.

STILL A WORK IN PROGRESS....

The abandonment has caused me to have trust issues, and I find
still sometimes hard to open up. At first. Compounded with two
yes two failed marriages. Hard to swallow & admit defeat.

Then there is the stubborn need to be an over achiever. In career
family, & school. Even at top of my profession I still feel as
though I am unaccomplished. I hauled everything from cattle to
oversized loads. I was once told women belong barefoot and pregnant
in the kitchen. So as a joke. I enrolled in Cosmetology school.
More as a joke. Then the competition was on. Graduated in top
three. That is 473 days I'll never get back... For a tomboy it was
a wild ride. I look back and realize while I like a good challenge
I have to comfortable in my own skin. I have to love myself and
be happy with myself before I can offer any type of commitment to
or in a relationship. I don't need or have to be the best. I
have found hobbies have helped. No competition in gardening, If
there is DON'T tell me.........

Still have some issues with that fact I'm a 6 ft tall Amazonian
girl. But I have decided to heck with it. My mom was 6'1 uncles
6'4 & 6'7 their dad was 7'4. It's just GREAT genetics LOL


That is does not translate into LOW self esteem I'm not conceited
just confident. AWKWARD but confident.

Oh kinda skipped over quick tempered WORKING ON THAT!!
**Next man will have to have patience of a SAINT LOL**

We all have past issues from relationships, but what's important
is to chalk them up to learning experiences and move forward.

Not to let them get in the way. Or leave you feeling unworthy or
lower your self esteem. Put if off to the side, & get back up on
that pony. Ride hard. You only get one go round. Don't just
sit in the stands.

I've identified my issues yonks ago, sometimes others light from a different angle on it which can be helpful.
I'm the kind of person who works on issues, because I want to learn and grow.
Sometimes I discuss bits and pieces here. But generally speaking it's enough I know them and work on them, and that he knows about things that concern or could affect the relationship. He isn't bothered by it and supports me when need be :) Good enough for me.

Serious answer this time.

I have issues with myself. I can care about and love family, my pets, and friends, but have an issue with loving myself. In fact, I very much hate myself. I know there are great qualities I have as a male.

I know also some of my hatred comes from being adopted by my grand parents. The thoughts of my biological mother and father not wanting to raise me as a child, and then learning I was almost aborted. Really screwed me up mentally. I was a twin that survived, while my sister was stillborn.

I also know that much of my self hatred stems from me being Schizo-affective Bipolar type. A good example would be the constant war in my head, I have with my personality. Being a true Gemini, I have the dual personality.
Other people have seen it and made comments to me. In which then I have a tendency to put myself in third person, and say "Scoob, isn't down with that idea."

Bullying in school didn't help matters. Where I started some of my self hatred.

These are things I've tried to work on. Counseling and therapy didn't help. In fact made some of my resentment toward myself worse.

makes me wonder if they were using the medical model or the wellness model




thing is..most of us
do not come from perfect beginnings


nor did we have perfect relationships with our parents
or caregivers or siblings
or lovers


but so much of how we feel and how we act is determined in
how we think about things
in other words ..our perspective on it



for instance

two siblings grow up in a divorced home
where dad drank and left when they were young

one grows up to hate men, major distrust issues and gets involved
in a series of destructive relationships, and vows never to marry and finally stops dating altogether
blaming her rotten childhood

the other..doesn't..
the other looks back and values his childhood for what he had
and what he didn't have
he sees that yes they may have been poorer then other families on block
but he had one good parent that cared about him
food on table each day
a bed to sleep in each night

both from same family

see there are people out there that have major health issues going on

heart troubles, might be in a wheelchair and dealing with MS
or they have a chronic condition

and yet ...they are still trying to find value in their world
to contribute in some way to their community
they seek out friendships, social involvement
they strive to create good and nurturing bonds with other human beings
and daily try to focus on the positive and grow as a human being



and there are those who seemingly have it all
nice home, car, career, spouse, kids..
and yet are miserable human beings



keep in mind that trained licensed mental health professionals
counsel from a particular theoretical view
they could be psychoanalytic or Adlerian or maybe Person Centered
and the ones you have spent time with in past
may not have been using a theory that was a good fit for you

Well... a lot of really good open honest communication going.on
. Gold star for everybody...
Embrace Who You Are..
Deal and let go of your past..
Look forward to your tomorrow..
.. thanks for contributing everybody..

I got nothing
Raised by both parents who were upstanding in their community..kinda like the 'Leave it to Beaver'..happy childhood..helpful parents..stability.. They set a great example and guide with which to raise my children and my own growth..

Great thread # 1, I think one of my baggage issues is after being in the bar and restaurant biz for 22 years and watching a small percentage of people cheating on their mates trying to get it through my head that most people are loyal and honest with their partners and not looking to jump in the sack for a quickie after a few drinks. Like Elvis used to sing "suspcious minds".