Do you find yourself missing just the good stuff.. that you had in your past relationship..?. The togetherness the communication the hand holding.. the intimacy.. the laughter

And has this now become part of what you look for in a new relationship..?. Just the good stuff...?


I guess what I'm saying.. is!.. do you hang on to those good moments you once had ..and now while you're looking for someone else..you find... maybe you're not looking at the whole person!.. you're just looking for those special moments again..
That you had with somebody else in the past... the togetherness the hand-holding the laughter... and this need to have those requirements met .. all the good times back ...override you really looking.. at the whole person... that you're trying to get to know now.... that connection you used to have... and now it is the first thing you look for... and if you don't feel it right away with your.. new love interest.. you feel like maybe they're not the right one....... if so ...you need to remember..
It took time to build up that connection with your old partner it did not happen instantly.. but over time... so if you're talking to someone right now and you're not feeling that connection that you so long for..
Do not worry give it time..

Tight Connection To My Heart

with both my x no1phD... there was a right away connection ...
and maybe the difference is on here ...not face to face ... so understandable to give it time ... but some just come off the wrong way to me on here and off and I know right away ... there is no connection...
I would love the laughter the intimacy moments... the just staring into each others eyes ... knowing I have found love again ... I would also like to have that feeling where I want to do for a man becouse I want to... not have to ... & sounds good when do we start

Yes there always is that instant spark that instant connection..
I'm referring to the more meaningful deeper relationship that takes time..
But I find a lot of people hold onto that feeling that deepness and expect to feel it instantly right away...
But that's not the case that deeper feeling takes time..

I see this in many people, including my kids when they were in high school and using the dating pool.

My marriage of 25 years ended 6 years ago. Five years ago I was seeking all the good things I got from my X. While I found that some women had certain qualities none had all. Of those qualities they did have, none were just like I had experienced with my X.

While I know what it is I love I also know that nobody will ever be like my X in every way (thank gawd). It took me a while to realize that everybody is different and a bit longer to accept it.

Since the X I have experienced many new things I love and I am sure there are people with qualities that will push those limits even higher.

Its really hard for anyone to live up to another's dream.

One of the things I like to say to potential interests is
"Be yourself, If you being you lights my heart on fire, what more could I want?"

Hmmm... few things...
If you still miss that from your past relationship, you are very likely not over that ex and relationship. Otherwise you'd be ready for a new one and new partner, and thoroughly enjoy the buzz of the new thing. It would delight you and fill you with joy. It would put that spring in your gait, because you'd found new love, not make you sad over what you lost.

Apart from that, if you feel that this maybe is not the right person for you, then we're either back to
A- you're not over your ex
B- this isn't the right person for you

In either case you likely aren't being fair and honest to this new person...

I think I had a similar thing happen to me on my first date after breaking up. I was actually crying afterwards, because I'd realized that I had lost that deep connection, that knowing each other, and would have to start from scratch again with someone else. It made me so sad that I ended up bawling my eyes out after the date.
That was some 4 months after splitting, my very first date. And I was totally utterly NOT ready for a new relationship, not even for dating. I didn't date after that for about half a year.
The man could've been a good match. He had many of the qualities I was looking for in a man. But I wasn't ready. The best thing I could do for both him and me, was break it off with him.
If this all sounds familiar, you may want to do the same and cut that woman free so you don't hurt her because you are still hurting over your ex...
.
.
.

You've broken up... missing the good stuff? No... one should be focused on making new good stuff

some day, when there is that new person who makes you totally have new feelings.. when you do not even think of comparing with your previous relationship.. when what you find in that person is now filling all your soul.. then go for it.

if i am seeing it as a puzzle.. if i am just taking my previous relationship as the whole picture but with a piece missing.. if i am trying to fit that new person to that empty space and cover it with him..
probably i am wasting my and his time.

i wait till i do not try finding the old beauties in a new person. that is what it makes new. and if that new person is a right one, anyway i do not feel in a need of judging things, comparing things, missing the old things.

i believe that love comes as it is, sometimes all of a sudden.. and wipes out all the previous things. if it didnt wipe, that is not love.. no need to waste time.

uww i have written 8 long lines. i must have waited all my life long to be asked that question :s

Memories will always stay for a lifetime...but one must move on...I agree with the insights of other members here, if you couldn't let go of it, don't get another affair and just use it as a cover hole - set her free; it would be selfishness.

Make good memories with the new love you have and put old memories at the back of your head. Appreciate the qualities she have that made you fall for her and move on with her in your life.

Be honest with yourself if you ain't ready, just go flirt

I agree with all the respondents here . Its natural to think about your ex now and then, but if you are proccupied with your ex when you are with your "next", then you may not be ready for a new love fest.

OMG is everyone totally missing the point here. It's not about comparison here. I hear you loud and clear.

It's about the good stuff. I have met someone with that instant
attraction, and chemistry. Things in common. A decent conversation
someone I could talk to for hours. Great person great job. I had
known him briefly years ago. But there is none of the good stuff
so I found myself pulling away, I guess maybe deep down. I'm not
either that interested or giving it the time necessary. I don't
even compare him to X in any way shape or form they are polar
opposites.

But I'm looking for the GOOD STUFF it's just not there!!!!!

The thing is barbadogirl. If you are over your ex and you find someone new , who feels right for you, you are usually not focused on your good memories with the old person. you tend to be more excited about building fresh new memories with this new person in your life.

You were missing the good stuff in general. The OP is missing the good stuff specifically with his ex. Thats an important difference

Ok.. allow me to clear this up for you ladies... before the claws come out..lol..wink.jk..

All I'm saying is I find when I'm dating now... I really tend to look for the good stuff really quickly... because I miss having it so badly.... so I guess you're both right..lol..wink.

I am far beyond missing my ex ... but I would like to have the special moments of intimacy with a man again ... and I am looking for something different then I had ...being older now ...I look for different things in a man ... of course makes since then when I was younger ...