Chuck Norris was once watching the movie "Bambi" with his five year old son. When the lovable Bambi was shot, his son began to cry. Chuck stood up, and in a fit of rage yelled, "Chuck Norris doesn't raise pussies. Do I have to round house kick you back into your mother's womb?" After his son shook his head, Chuck sat back down on the couch. Just when everything seemed calm, he executed one of his infamous no look punches on his son and then yelled, "Sneak attack, *****"

HaHahA...courtesy of the Chuck Norris Fact Generator

Chuck Norris has never looked a baby in the eyes cause it might make him cry but if he does it also makes him want to punch a baby.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

"in the begining there was chuck norris" Norris 1:1

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWCND?"

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father.

God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes to sleep who does he dream about?

Answer: Chuck Norris.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

God said let there be light.... Chuck Norris said: "say please."

yeah i know,you can see all kinds of Chuck Norris comments in EQ.


personally i don't like CN,sure he might have a deadly kick but as long as i stay out of his kicking range,can he stop a 9mm?i don't think so....

The 'who does Chuck Norris dream about'
joke I made up myself.

Chuck Norris Can believe it's not Butter.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee....except Chuck Norris.

some I made up today:
Someone once mistakingly thought they saw Chuck Norris cry, in reality the tears were trying to run away from him.

Contrary to Lay's marketing execs, Chuck Norris can eat just one, he roundhouse kicks the rest into oblivion.

The correct answer to "Who's ya daddy?" is always Chuck Norris.
According to the world health organization Chuck Norris has surpassed heart disease as the number one cause of death in industrialized nations.