I have a theory from experience (met a few) that I'd like others to comment on:

After a certain age, say 45 and up, women tend to stay in the relationship they're currently in, even though it's not a great as they'd like (and even feel it won't get any better) because it's one they know and they're reluctant to break up and go into the male jungle to find a more suitable partner.

Well... I think I am going to change this a bit and then I would agree with you.

Some, People of "any" age will stay in a relationship because it is safer than venturing out on their own for many reasons. The main one IMHO is Fear of the unknown...

I don't believe this is gender bias by any means. It is personality bias...

Men do this also. I think people in general do not want to go into the unknown. It can be scarey. What is on the other side. Is it loneliness ? happiness? Scarey sometimes

well that is an interesting theory

seems that was age I was


when I filed

It definitely has nothing to do with gender.
From what I've seen, men in general are more reluctant, often barely able, to cope with being alone than women.

I think it mostly depends on someone's personal growth and development.
Like Sitka said, it has to do with fear. And fear can be overcome when you grow as an individual and become more empowered, confident etc.

Also, I did decide to split up at the age of 45. Age to me has nothing much to do with it, my personal happiness does.

I have a theory, too.

A woman who is already in a relationship isn't available to a single man seeking a relationship.

I don't think it's gender related.


I think it should also be noted that:
There's also the fear of pain involved in severing emotional ties, of hurting someone else as well as themselves.

Also, there may be a lack of easy available alternatives.
It's not a fear of going into the unknown so much as not having enough incentive or motivation pushing someone to change and go into action for something.


I do think men have the advantage to motivation to change though, thanks to testosterone.
That stuff drives guys to think things like "Oh yeah, that 18 year old behind the counter smiled at me, she wants me, I could so hit that, I just need to compete and show her I'm better than other guys by driving a red convertible and putting on some gold chains."


Finding motivation to change is just as important as fear driving avoidance of change.

WELL SAID....

I agree about the gender comments; I was just writing from my own experience. It can be scary indeed to leave a relationship and venture out. But it can also be courageous.

I'll only stay in a "so-so" relationship if.....and I do mean IF......she cooks a mean meatloaf. Oh! And gives mean head.....ache.

well, relationships take two

so there may be those who take commitment seriously enough to know that 'so so' can always improve with work and not willing to throw away the 70 percent fullfillment chasing after the other 30 percent


just to be left even more unfulfilled than before,,,

not to be confused with actual 'bad' relationships where there is physical or emotional danger

This is too simply described for me. Too specific, really. What I mean is, that there are a bunch of little factors that you have to ASSUME in order for this to work out as described.

* how long has the existing relationship existed?

* why are they thinking about leaving, while choosing to stay?

* what was their previous experience with either being alone, or being in Mate-Seek mode?

It's like work, in a lot of ways. If you are someone who has always ha an easy time getting a new job, you are likely to quit the one you have more forthrightly than someone who had to go through hell to get the job at all.

For that matter, I've known people who stayed in a less than ideal relationship, not because of fear, or even because of convenience or all the rest of that...they stayed, because their overall impression of the world was such, that there was just no reason to BOTHER to leave.

One completely tangential thing about this:

if you are coming to this conclusion because you hear people griping about their marriage in that age range, but they show no interest in ending it, realize that there are plenty of people for whom complaining about their spouse is like a necessary tension release exercise, and they do it so that they CAN stay with them. People are funny like that.

Comfortable and NON-drama relationships are easy to stay in.