Sometimes , after coming out of what you NOW deem to be an unhealthy relationship, you look back and find clues that were possible indicators, that you should have gotten out of the relationship sooner, or maybe shouldn't have attempted it at all.

With all the hindsight that you MIGHT have gained from such relationships, what are some red-flags/signs do you look out for, to weed out potentially unhealthy relationships before you get in too deep ?

One of the things that makes me nervous is a guy whose mood or behaviour is frequently inconsistent or unbalanced. (Don't think for a minute that some men aren't every bit as hormonal as some females

Well I try to know my partner better in a short span of time and get ideas by talking out what he perceives and analyzing his behavior as well, though I think men does the same too, but if I feel the relationship is not going anywhere to what you wanted to be or to have then better just pull yourself together and make the right decision of putting an end to it and move on to another chapter...rather than getting into the relationship so deep and you can't get out of it no more and you will either be worse and unhappy or just become mere spectator...and that is " Very Sad"...So it is much better to know what you wanted in a relationship and get answers as soon as you could and observe keenly...

Start contradicting things that they originally told you
Act sneaky in anyway
Thinks supply and demand that when supply is.low.prices.drop in fact when something is.harder to obtain you pay a higher price. You try to explain with gasoline supple and demand and they argue. That does not bode well.

I second this, it was a big indicator with my second husband, but he swore he was 'bi polar', so I felt wrong holding his 'illness' against him



another flag, for me, is an obsession with money,, I dated one who was always announcing what things cost and 'making up' for things with gifts,,,,I found out this was compensating for his extremely low sense of self value, so he valued everything in dollars and cents including himself,,,


another flag, for me, is juvenile behavior,, like consistent rudeness or inconsideration of others,, regardless how well they treat me,,, there is a time and place for everything, and someone who thinks its always time to cut jokes and/or belittle others gets to become much less 'fun' or 'real' and seem much more and more like they are just a basic Ahole


lol

A woman who worries about breaking a nail or that her hair or lipstick is perfect....shows they are self absorbed and don't care about the important things of life...like having fun and enjoying life to the fullest.

When you steal his Beaujolais

Talking bad about their ex

Money hang ups

Excessive talking or interrupting with their story

Cell phone off at night only when visiting the kids and in the same town as the ex (when normal phone is never off)

Vacationing with their ex wife when they have adult age children together as a family

That seems to indicate I would be better served looking at my own behavior and why I didn't understand the "clues," and if there were so many "clues" for me to have noticed, what am I doing, what am I choosing to do, or how am I naturally reacting to things, to make me overlook them the first time but put importance on them the second time or in hindsight.

So

Rationalizing and overlooking things that I should find important.
Changes in my own behavior and feelings even though theirs are consistent.
Not listening to what they're saying, but only to how I'm feeling.


Other than that, I kinda have a problem with the question and the way it's worded.

It seems you might be asking "After you've dated and committed to each other, defined a 'relationship,' what are behaviors you consciously investigate and are mindful of to hold against the other person, to give yourself a justified out, all to make sure you protect yourself from even the hint of potential emotional turmoil, like there's dating, there's a relationship, then there's phase 2 of the relationship where the 'real' and 'deep' feelings are, protecting yourself from phase 2."

Personally, I try really hard to avoid doing things like that.

Getting along with a temperamental person is really energy draining. His mood swings can make you feel so inadequate.
You don.t know where you stand.
One moment , he is the most lovable person....
the next moment... it is like being out in the cold.

It is like he is having his pms or going through his menopause phase.( Andropause)

No.... not going through that anymore.

When he has a little u know lol

hehe yes that's bad

Message me

The biggest and brightest red flag for me, is to discover that the persons' sense of what is right and wrong, of what is or ins't moral or "nice," is entirely dependent on how pleased they are with events of the moment. Or with whom they are communicating.

People who say that lying is terrible, unless you are angry with someone or think less of them, and then it's alright.

People who think that cheating is bad, unless their mate isn't pleasing them enough that week.

That sort of thing Justifiers. Can't abide Justifiers.

When she enters the room wearing a harness.

So the red flag you look for is if the relationship is not going the way you want it in general. I hear you Twin :)

Thats an interesting analogy about the supply and demand Seakolony

Many guys do appear to feel that ALL women will drop their price/standard because the supply of men is limited and the female demand for them is so high, giving women no choice but to settle for what we get (in their mind). And yes. That type of thinking would make most women furious I think.

Great point!

I also look out for the sneakiness and contradicting words and behavior too

Whats interesting about your point on money obsession Ms H , is that sometimes I almost prefer that men dont have a lot of many, because I am always curious if they are capable of bringing the other contributions to the table that I value the most,when they dont have the crutch of money to hide behind.And to be fair to the men, there are women who are money obsessed as well unfortunately.

And on your other point, I think some people use their sense of humor as a smoke screen for passive agression and belittling their partner , which shouldnt be taken likely. I agree with all you said

Excessive worrying over their image as a whole would concern me actually because they are likely to be a slave to that image . And you are right. Enjoyment of life can be heavily eclipsed because of that..
well said Searching4myredwine!

Stealing of any kind is never a good sign I think Seakolony :)