Ok, here goes. I was married for 31 years and now divorced. It's been about a year and a half. Part of the problem is that I haven't let go. We are still friendly to each other. We both say that we love each other, but no pretense of getting back together. I'm trying to get into the proper mindset, but have difficulty doing so. I do a lot of things solo, motorcycle riding, kayaking, stained glass, walk/hiking. I miss someone to share things with. It's frustrating. I'm not normally a shy person, quite the contrary, but it's that "getting the courage up to ask a woman out" thingy. Oh brother, do I need some help!!! Any advice, words of encouragement will be very welcome!!!

Thanks in advance,
Robert

what was that formula

for every year married allow a month of healing

was that right...


so give yourself a break
being with someone for that long
of course you will still care about each other


what about your interests? are there clubs to join?

or maybe a summer concert in the park?

something in the community where you might run
into people with similar interests?

I am like you. I was married for 15yrs and divorced after 15.5yrs because where I live you have to be seperated for 6months. Now the way I see it is that the one that left the other one gets over it much faster then the one that was left. My wife left me and was able to move on in about 15 months. For me it took about 15yrs before I was finily free because I stilled loved her. Now I did date and had a girlfriend for 12 of thoses years but I couldn't get myself to marry her because I still had love for my ex. Well my girlfriend left and married another man. But I'm now over my ex when she married last year and I can move on now.

It is hard after a long relationship.
I personally would just be with friends and take that time to get out and enjoy life as it is offered.

There will always be a part of you that misses the relationship you were in it for a long long time.

Being in contact with an EX still feeling that connection is normal.

Asking someone out can be tough and uncomfortable how about doing group things for a while.

I too am comming out of a long term relationship but am ready to move on however I'm new to the dating thing so a little scared I'm also like u doing things myself it does get lonley My kids are grown and doing their own things so don't want to do a lot of things with me and my friends all have another person in their lives

Yes, it is difficult to get in the dating scene after coming out of a long term relationship. I lost my husband of 30 years to cancer 5 years ago. I have been trying for the last 2 years to meet someone, but most of the people I have talked with have been scammers. Of course I have not been stupid enough to fall for there schemes. I am not a rich women, I work hard for everything I get and am not about to just hand it over to strangers from other countries. Its alot different from when I was young and dating. Good luck everyone

I had never seen that formula before! Sadly, it does make sense, though. I'm sort of like the buzzard perched in the tree who says, "Patience hell, I'm going to kill something!" (No, I'm not really going to kill...anything!!! Just an analogy!) I hope I don't have to wait that long! I know it's all about timing. Thank you for your input!!

Been there, done that. I was married 6 years ago. It took me 2 years to heal. You'll need more time. Just enjoy the freedom of being single. I keep in touch with my ex once in a while and there's no animosity between us. In fact, it's nice to meet with her and get caught up.

Get out and do your thing. Don't waste your time looking for someone online.

Funny how ppl compare 31 years to 6 or 15. Sure those are also considered long term, but it's nothing compared to 31 years ... Getting over losing a partner after 31 yrs is also a helluva lot more difficult.
Plus you're older, you may feel you have less time to find new happiness etc. etc.
Not to knock anyone's pain, but I feel this should be pointed out as it is not the same.

I'd also say, take your time. You haven't let go, so you cannot start something else.
Like someone suggested, join a club or a class... painting, cooking, poker, walking together, whatever. Go somewhere you meet other ppl. You might find a lady that you can build a friendship with and who knows.
I've always understood that Americans meet ppl at church. Before or after I guess. So maybe that's an option.
And go easy on yourself. You can't force things, but do try to work on letting go.

Thank you for your advice! It's as though I really did know these things, but to hear/see someone else say them, helps a lot.

I am sorry you've had this type of experience! Good for you for being smart enough not to fall prey to the scammers!! I wish you success for whatever it is that you're looking for!!

it sure is hard to date on line or off. I was married 25 yeas to one man and he died suddenly. So I have been single for 12 years now.
There is no one I found that want to remarry at my age 60 so I just go out to dinner or out to eat when I am ask but nothing ever come of it.