Long marriage 13 years washed away cheater cheater but I'm not dead ! How soon is to soon for simple friendship that could grow

Whenever you are ready...no such thing as a "proper" time.

It is always time for friendship. No exceptions. The end of a relationship requires a "transition" that is unique to each person and each situation. Only you can really judge that moment where "rebound" isn't much of a factor anymore. Beware! Your judgement may be impaired.

No such thing as "to soon."

There are no guarantees:
1. that you'll ever find someone that will participate with you in a "friendship that could grow."
2. that waiting, preparing yourself, "working" on yourself, healing, trying to get "closure," or whatever, will help in your next relationship or help your next relationship last.

No such thing as being "ready" for a relationship.

And, as you said, you're "not dead!," but you aren't getting any younger.

IMO it's better to keep trying whenever you have the free time and focus.

You will never truly get all of your ducks in a row.

Life is short.

Better to go out and try even if you fail miserably than sit around all by yourself wondering "how bout now? Should I do it?....how bout now? Is now a good time? How bout now? Well, maybe just a bit longer. How bout now?"

Every day you are alive you subtly change.
Over time the small changes become big changes.
Every change in you changes your dating pool.
Who you find attractive, and who will find you attractive.

50% of any relationship forming and lasting is determined by the other person, of which you have no real control over.
Relationships last based on ability to adapt to change and people who communicate it effectively, creating safe awareness.

Every day you change, so does everyone else, everything always keeps moving on, so while you sit and wonder "how about now?" opportunities are finding other doors to knock on and date or find "friendships to grow."
No matter what choice you make, other opportunities are lost.

But all of that presumes some things.
Such as:
1. You have common sense.
2. You can think.
3. You don't blindly follow your emotions, especially fear.

No such thing as "to soon," for dating or relationships when single.
There's just going out and starting them, or not.

It's a good point..impaired judgment rules after a breakup.

After my divorce, I think I did not even see men at all..people
were just..people to me, I was blinded by angst..took about
4 years to come around..I was in a grocery store and across a
crowded aisle I saw this guy stocking shelves and thought..
'Oh my' and knew I was back :-)

Just do not give the old relationship (if you be done with it)
too much of your energy..you have given enough :-)

Well, the first thing is that those 13 years aren't really washed away. I am willing to bet that there were some (if not a lot) great times with your ex. It's easy to focus on the negative with what he did and I have been in your shoes (my ex-wife cheated on me). But that part of my life is something I still cherish. It's a part of my history and something that will always be a part of me.

Anyways, as to answering when is too soon? Well, I believe that you go about life like you normally would do. If you meet a guy whom you really like then get to know him....build something....and see what happens. Maybe you hit a home run....maybe you strike out. But then you dust yourself off and move along. Dating isn't easy (Gosh it sucks sometimes being an adult and dating), but finding the right guy for you isn't supposed to be right?

I refuse to believe a man, who tells me he loves me, after only weeks of meeting him. It can't be possible. I'd believe it if he had a crush on me. True love can't be known after just a few weeks. Maybe he thought I was an easy lay. Ha. Little did he know. I don't work like that. I'd believe he loves me after a few MONTHS, because the friendship has sometimes become deep, by that point.

Yet if it was his way of telling me he wanted to make love, all he had to do was ask. I can't read minds. :eyeroll:.

''TRUE LOVE''--- IS A DEDICATED COMMITMENT TO ANOTHER PERSON OVER TIME THAT

LEADS TO ''TRUE LOVE''

I can relate to you coz I have been there as well but cherish the good memories and try not to dwell much on the bitter ones and most importantly find "Forgiveness" in your heart so you can live your life in "Peace".

There is no formula, no time frame, as to when is it that you know you're ready or not coz you can actually feel it and no one can determine it except your own self. Best thing to do is not to be a hermit. Try to go out and enjoy the beautiful things life is showing you and grab every opportunity of the good things that come your way. If in case someone gets attracted to you or you get attracted to somebody then give it a try, you lose nothing, coz sometimes what passes our lives will pass only once and we could never know "What Could Have Been" if we did not took it for granted. Whatever may be the results at least we were able to experience it and know how it felt like "Life Is Short and Beautiful, Make the Most Out Of It"

This would've been my response.

If you're talking how much time do you need for yourself before getting in another relationship? that's a personal choice.. some would say you should be on your own, single and not seriously dating anyone! ...basically working on your own self... for one week for every year you were in your last relationship...ie 13yrs=13 weeks in that time ,you should be on your own working on yourself before entering into a new serious relationship...