I was engaged to a man and then out of the blue he said I had to go. He said that he loved me but was not in love with me. That same day and hour after I left he called a chat line and met some girl. He also had another girl that he had met the next day I left. He went out with the one he met and took her the house and had sex with her in our bed within 3 days of me leaving. Then he brought the one he met on the chat line on Saturday of the same week and had sex with her. He said I had left some things and for me to come to pick them up. So I did (like a dumb ass). And yes I had sex with him as well. We had decided to try to work things out as friends (right!). I found out about the girls later. He said that he did not want to have sex with me if I had been someone else (which I hadn't) (wish I had now!). I asked him if he had been with anyone else and of course he lied. He said that he didn't want to hurt me. Now he said that he realized that he wouldn't find anyone to love him as I did and wants me to stay with him. Can men ever tell the truth? My question to me is this. What do you mean when you say that I love you but I’m not in love with you? You men not realized that the feeling that you get at the beginning of the relationship will not and can not stay the same. It’s like getting high for first time; it’s never repeated. Please explain this to me so that I can move on with my life. I haven’t been with anyone else since and not sure what to do at this time. Thanks!

Love has many levels. You can love your family,friends,pets,neighbor,sig other but it is all on or with differences. The love I have for family is different then that of friends. My love for my sig other is very strong and more then that for a friend or neighbor.

Now " IN LOVE " means to me at least that I am committed to you and that You're the reason I wake up, come home,smile,look forward to tomorrow, etc.

So to answer your question sweet, and again I am not him but I think he wants to be with you but not exclusive. He still wants to play. He committed and then backed off for some reason, whether it was something you said or he said I don't know I wan't there.

The fact that he had sex with 2 other women and denied it tells me he is still a boy and you need to move on. I am sorry for your

sounds like ur friend had a chaotic situation going on and just wanted to stop it. sadly severing relations with u is part of the stopping

well said kojak


as 4 sweetkitty ..HE'S AN A$$ MOVE ON

I have some experience in this...
as it was the explosion of the end of my marriage.
I too took the same position as you.
Except i had 12 years and 2 children and she ran to Ohio from florida to be with an internet romance ...
took the children and since has been back and forth and i have allowed it confessing my love.
In the end (now) it has been months she has lost everything she took from me and living with a pedifile so no longer able to even see our children (i was informed by The state of his status)and was told no more visits...

So all i can say is when it starts no matter how much you love and how much you try it has already been defiled and will only just get worse until a total destructive end...

Just forget it. If it is love you want then you gotta take a chance. However, don't blame "Men" for this. Blame the men you met, which you are partially responsible for. In this life, you can only hold yourself accountable for your actions. True, it is not your fault if someone deceives you, yet you should take proper precautions before risking what you have. I am sure if you spent a very very long time with this person, you would be able to pick up on a few things. If this has never happened to you before, then perhaps this is a learning tool to see patterns to prevent this in the future. The good news is that this didn't happen after marriage. So now you have time to recover and find the one. Good luck to you.

Just to add. I tried to help my mother and it took her a long time until she finally took my advice. Now she isn't even concerned with looking, but she knows that I was able to see the losers she took in. They were losers in a different sense. Sure they made good money, but they were like cons. In the end, she discovered she fell for the bad boys. I just hope one day she can meet the right person for her. Someone who I won't have to threaten.

Sorry I am not a man but I have to say something!! How can you even think of going back? Do you really think you can trust him again? How did you find out that he slept with these 2 girls?
I would say this to you, without trust in your relationship, you have absolutely nothing!! I think you need to take time away from him and not go running back no matter what he wants! Make him wonder what YOU want and make him wonder if he really messed up!! If you go running back to him this fast, hes going to realize that he can just do it again.
Why in the world would you sleep with him? Esp. if he told you to leave with no signs...thats just silly!

I would suggest you get into a support group & work on you for a while. The guy seems to want his cake & eat it to. Major issues to me & you don't need that sort of crap. Ck. your local YWCA, to see what is available. Build your life & selfconfidence before working on a relationship.
Just my thoughts. Be safe & happy.

Thank you oldsage. I like what you had to say. It seems as though there are a lot of people out there that have been hurt by someone in their lives at one time or another. For that I am Sorry! But come yelling at me with what happened to you or what you did or did not do. No there were no signs that he wanted someone else. For the first time I found a man that would not cheat on me. He had to break up with me to sleep with someone else. No I don’t commend him for that; but sure we had issues. Our kids were our issues. We both have 9 yrs kids. One boy and one girl and they hated each other and made it hard for us to be together. We also lived in a one bedroom condo which way too small for anyone to live in. My guy did love me I know this. He has his own issues with his past that he is dealing with and he has said for us to go to counseling. And just so that you know I didn’t go running back to him. He came back to me. And is still trying to stay in it with me. He knows that I will not stay easy with this matter and it will take time for me to get over this, so he says he will go slow and wait for me. And before you get started on it, No he is not seeing anyone else. This I know cuz I was a detective and I have ways of tracking and hearing what is said on the phones, so yes I check up on him to see if he is lying about anything and he knows that if he does he will loose the best thing that ever came into his life. I just wanted to understand how you can say you love someone but not be in love with them; since this is my first time to give my heart and now if feel lost! I never gave it before for this reason. I’ll never give it again! That I am sure of. Thanks!

Looks like you are as dumb as he is …how old are you, 10? Come on, you don’t need anyone to tell you that your relationship with this man is not healthy. Grow up and go and find yourself a man that will love and respect you. This brings me back to one of my past thread. “Settling for less” there you go, you are doing it because you are blind to your own reality. Remember, most words are just that words even if it says, “I love you” I tell my flower plants that I love them and for them to grow and give me pretty flowers….do you get it?

My 18 year read this and identified enough red flags to even allow this tosser back into your life....you need to find strength within yourself so you will not allow men of such to walk all over you.

Sad to say but there is such a thing to love someone but NOT be IN love with them....but this guys truly sounds like an asshole...o move on and good luck!

Sweetkitiekat is hurting she doesn't need comments like that Sin, Good luck SKK, down the road you will look back and be wiser (like us all )

A kiss a-ss comment will never help anyone especially one her age group, I expect 18-20 something years old to think like this not 40 year olds.

It's my opinion and if truth hurts then that tells ya alot about them. Plus this is an open forum you air your dirty lauundry you get what you put out and oprobably the same as her problem!

No Kiss-ass comments, just don't like kicking someone when they are down.

SKK, not really sure what he mean't by that statement. I'd stop wondering what he meant, and would move on.

most of us do become stupid and will do anything for love
hmmm, then sometimes we get smart and do not allow others to
take advantage of us

nurjoyce...I don't think I've read a truer statement today! Been there, done that, and finally smart again.

Learning from failures helps us grow but if a 40 year old cannot identify the problem why she is suffering then maybe she needs someone to kick some sense into her to get it....I don't feel sorry for people in my age group and plus to carryon with a clear situation like this and not see it.

Not getting into it with you Sin, but as someone who it took 27 years to get sense, can sympathise.