What do you do when your partner is an alcoholic in denial of the fact?

I understand no relationship is perfect and all relationships need to be worked on.

Over the last 6 months I'm constantly reminded that I am a Muslim, and therefore a terrorist, as dictated by the society and media in the country of he origin.

I just asked the question above to gauge what others would do...
And to get feed back from people who have been through this already.

I have already decided what I will do.
I had an alcoholic brother, so I'm familiar with their traits.

My little sister lives with a alcoholic. In the last 3 years he has been in the Hospital at least twice due to seizures. He gets out he goes back to drinking.. He is not abusive just hammered all the time... All I can say is she must love him for she stays by his side anyway.. He really is a sweet guy he is just like his dad is the way I hear it sad to see.

As for me I believe that as long as things are in moderation I'm good with anyone that can handle things that way... Not sure I would deal with one.. Dated a guy that when noon hit he had a beer in his hand.. He had no problem working and doing things... But when it came to intimacy that is when the drinking problem really showed up.. Myself I felt his drinking came first... And no signs of changing that.. So we went our own ways..

You already know my view on this.

personally I look for no drama in my life and would limit myself to that person.
I would tell them that there is a serious problem here and you either attempt to do something about it (join AA) (stop drinking), as you can see the relationship going nowhere with her behaviour.
As for the name calling because your a muslim, that is being a bully and I would let her know that you don't appreciate being bullied.
The partner can only help themself - that's the way it is with an alcoholic. They have to do it on their own, with their own mindset.
I guess if you are committed to her, you could join Al-Anon support group.
Good Luck with whatever you've decided.

no way in hell sorry but dad was an alcoholic and died from cirrhosis of liver and brother is buys following in his foot steps

as long as one is in denial, there can be no change.

active alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages

sometimes you just have to walk away and let them fetch!

I don't have an answer, other than suggest that you try and get them to accept that it is an illness, and as such they need to receive treatment. I had an old school friend that I had not seen for years because I had moved away, but after I returned to the area and we met up again I soon realised that he had become a very heavy drinker of whisky. I regret that I never said anything to help him, as soon afterwards he died from a massive heart attack at the age of 49.

I hope that you are able to help them recover.

I know what I did.

I gave him the chance to voluntarily go to a hospital and get help to detox and seek counseling and when he refused to work at a resolution I refused to live with him and be, Thanks for the very accurate term Conrad, Hostage and took myself and our children out of harms way permanently. To me it was child abuse.

In my book You are not judging or punishing a person by facing the facts of THEIR choices. And most alcoholics know from the very first time they try alcohol that they can't hand it. For that matter I don't know many people can handle pouring alcohol into their body. It is for the most part a poison.

I am all about loyalty and sticking together through hard times but am I going to stay with someone who SELF INFLICTS all the miseries that go along with chronic abuse of alcohol? Nope, Nada, No Way, No How, flat out NO. I don't do stupid. And I sure don't do mean.

I am a once and done kind of gal when it comes to being stupid drunk. I know it doesn't get better and I don't want to live with because I don't have to. That was not the vow I made. Not my definition of love.

Any adult knows the symptoms and if they can't see they are that self indulgent well my absence will be the consequences and the best education. One thing is universal in serious alcoholics they cry and plead they don't want you to go but they want the alcohol more.

Living with an alcoholic teaches them nothing except you are excusing inexcusable behavior.

I think just wait for your partner to feel the "double-whammy" pain. A really, horrible, crippling pain, that I doubt you'd ever really be prepared to witness. If course, alcoholics never see it coming. They just assume they may get some gnarly stomach pain, but by god, the very first time they get this damned gnawing pain, in their liver, they will be praying it will go away. I wish I didn't have to mention it, but she will know, once she gets it. I dare say, it hurts more than pre-menstrual pains. And then there's the constant vomiting. The stuff you don't get told about. The Dr's never mention that additional stuff. I think they should. Unless they wait for their alcoholic patients to realise how ill it will make them, so that the patient feels like they've been hit by a truck. Like with anything though, your lover has to want to get better, badly enough. If she only does it to please others, and her heart isn't in it, she will just relapse. I don't mean to scare you, if I did, about how physical pain suddenly hits them out of the blue, when they won't see it coming, but if it starts to happen, I'm sure you will then know, what I'm talking about.

So true. Those that promote booze don't tell people what alcohol does to the body. Some of the most pitiful patients I have seen are those who drank themselves into terrible agony, incontinence, mental dementia, seizures, tremors, amputations, and the most innocent the babies that are born to suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome.

Dump the b@tch. All they do is get drunk, start off as bullies, escalate to physical abuse while always saying their sorry. It's a cycle...the word sorry becomes meaningless.

Like Conrad said, you're their hostage.

It's worth bearing in mind that your partner is one of the most sensitive people you will ever meet, that makes them very special in this day and age and is probably partly the reason for the alcoholism.

I've never know and alcoholic but I had a very close relative who was a heroin addict.

In my case it was slightly different, I had no choice, I couldn't walk away and leave them to the wolves, you can walk away and I suppose it depends how much your partner means to you.

But I do believe it's an illness, I do believe that most are simply building a wall around themselves, almost hiding from the evil they see on a daily basis, the rat race, and the stress of modern life.

Some will say they are cowards and taking an easy way out while causing problems for their love ones, and that may be true, but one thing is plain as day, they need help, they will throw it in your face and let you down, but most will win the battle.

The decision is yours.

True that.

Jaan, first and foremost, I'm sorry that some feel it necessary to wrongly label you
due to your faith. You're a good man.

On topic:
When dealing with an alcoholic in denial, there are really only three ways to proceed.
1. Stay, and tolerate the abuse.
2. Walk away from them.
3. Boot them to the curb.

I generally choose option 3..
But, each individual's views may differ from my own.

I am responding to the topic of what do you do when your partner is an alcoholic in denial of the fact. the solution to that question is do not mentally hurt yourself the word (denial) mean!!don't even no I am lieing. if this makes no sense to you another suggestion is to fine Al Anon they will help you to understand the alcoholic that is in denial

My last marriage was to an alcoholic. They not only willfully destroy themselves, they destroy you too.
The lies, the deceit, the broken promises and the aggressiveness that goes with it gives you two choices....

Be co dependant or walk away.

The true root of alcoholism is selfishness. They will act like a victim and say it is a disease, but this actually takes away the power of choice they need to make.

Remember you can not change them, you can not control them and you can not cure them.
They leave a path of destruction behind them and I seriously would run a mile, as fast as I could go.

If they really want help, they would get it. There are plenty of AA meetings, drug and alcohol centres and rehabs to go to if they were serious.

http://drhurd.com/2015/03/25/52695/

Why Not to Call an Alcoholic “Selfish”

One of the questions I regularly encounter in my office is how a person can approach a loved one or a friend about their drinking without the loved one or friend going on the defensive. Years ago, one of those requests came from a client who was friends with a man who lived alone. Apparently his wife left him at least partly because of his drinking. He became a different person when he drank, and consumed only one meal a day – if that. My client wanted to help get him off the destructive path down which he was headed.

My client was in search of a rational principle to guide her. We psychotherapists are supposed to be ethically and otherwise neutral, avoiding discussion of principles at all costs. But psychological theories are based on very explicit principles, and my answer to her had to be, as well. The first principle that came to mind was: “Ruin and waste your life if you choose, but not with my help.” Obviously my client valued her alcoholic friend, which suggested that he had something to lose or something to waste. If she wanted to speak up, she needed to make her case by telling him what it was she saw in him that he was destroying by living his life the way he was.

Some might believe that the slow suicide of alcoholism is just one big party. It may start out that way, but the truth is that it has nothing to do with the pursuit or attainment of pleasure – in alcohol or whatever. It’s all about avoiding the responsibilities one must take to live a happy and productive life.

That leads to another problem. Many have internalized the idea that an individual’s purpose is to live for others. Achieving things in your own interest, they’ve been told, is not meaningful or important. We’re brainwashed into thinking that it’s only what you give up that matters, and that giving up is a virtue, no matter how it affects us. But how can we even hope to be our brothers’ keepers if we can’t even keep ourselves?

My experience has shown that alcoholics tend to take this misguided philosophy to heart. “If I don’t want to live for others, then my life has no meaning. I’m not a good person. I might as well just drink it away.” This is usually not a conscious or deliberate conclusion, but if motives could speak, that’s what they’d probably say. When people criticize an alcoholic for wasting his life, they usually say, “How selfish of you. Instead of contributing for the sake of others, you self-indulgently live your life for yourself.” More poppycock, and it does nothing but reinforce the alcoholic’s mistaken belief that the primary purpose of life is to sacrifice for others. “That’s right,” he’ll think. “I’m a bad person. Might as well have another drink. What does it matter?” It’s surprising how often I see this sequence of events play out when dealing with the families and friends of alcoholics.

To that end, I suggested to my client that she suggest to her friend that it pains her to see him so selflessly – yes, selflessly, i.e., with no concern for himself – squandering his life. Remind him that he’s really not harming anybody else, unless he does something to physically harm someone (driving while drinking, for example). But he is most definitely hurting himself. That kind of selflessness is the root of most harm people end up doing to others.

My friend eventually provoked him by talking to him about this issue. She did everything she could to convey the outlook that his life and health should be supremely important to him. She reminded him the only reason she was expressing concern was because she saw his potential slowly wasting away.

She returned to see me a few months later. And, surprise, surprise, after her prodding, he had checked himself into rehab. Did she save him? I’ll never know. But at least I was able to help her convince him to try.