D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to
8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by
reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and
how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously
low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup
trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for ol der women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person .. Can we get naked now?.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases
potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember
your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the
toilet seat.

N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone
too eager to share their life stories with total strangers
in elevators.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides
the same irritation level as nagging him for four hours.