I am really curious about this.

I have an almost next to nil experience
on relationships and I am kind of
curious Minglers, what will have a more
direct impact or effect,
if ever I will get married & be a parent.
My childhood experience or my
traumatic experience after I left home?

I have read a lot of books but somehow
they did not make any sense or impact to me
on this.

Say my childhood is average experience.
Pampered because I have 2 protective
brothers and doting parents.
Their only cardinal rule is no
riding of bicycles.
Protect the legs hahahahaha.

Another thing though, my father might be 1
of the best father in my corner
of the world but he will not be in the
best husband top 1000.

My father has issues with whiskey.
He fights with my mother in front
of the 3 of us, if he is drunk,
but is sweet & apologetic when
he is sober which is 80% of the time.

Will that have an effect on me when I
get married? As an adult I can now
accept the smell of whiskey without
misgivings?
What will be the probability that it will
affect my being a mother or a wife,if
I will decide to marry & have a kid?

Then about being the youngest and only daughter,
pinching is the strongest disciplinary
action I get.

The downside is, if u get all the
attention, u crave for freedom.
U crave to be taken seriously.

No matter how serious my question is
about life, or about our family
or about the government, my brothers
have the tendency to just find it
so hilarious.

98% of the time,they just laugh
so hard but never answer my
questions, of course my parents
think I just read too much.

In my arrogance & my need of freedom
I walk away from home.
Without the protection of my parents,
brothers & bestfriends, I did not
know life is really quiet hard.

Then that traumatic experience happened.

After that, I never wanted to go home.
I did not even contact them for so many
years.
I feel that I will just be a burden to
them.

But I was already adult at that time?
Will it have more impact on me
when I get married?
will my traumatic experience makes
me probably a bad wife or bad mother?
if I will choose to get married?

I want to know the probability
if with the combination of an
undisciplined-pampered childhood
and a traumatic experience in your
20's will actually make u a bad wife or
a bad mother?

What do u think is the probability
Minglers?

Does anyone here in Mingle has the same
experience and still get married?
Did it affect your marriage?

Is there a possibility that it will be
a doomed marriage, from the start,even if u
will choose your partner carefully?

I want to know the probability if with the combination of an undisciplined-pampered childhood and a traumatic experience in your 20's will actually make u a bad wife or a bad mother? 
Are you a bad person ? Do you know the difference between right and wrong ?Have you been exposed to happy loving wifes and mothers in your wider family I believe if you answer no and yes then you have the tools to be successful at both .You seem very mindful of your past experiences and obviously display the intelligence to not let your past negative experiences affect your future go forth and be happy

Unfortunately there are no deciding factors. I have 4 brothers and 1 sister. We all grew up in the same environment. My mother was physically abusive and my dad certainly had no parenting skills, yet each of us have grown up differently. I am a proud father of 3. I will brag a little and sy I'm a very good father and I've never laid violence upon my children. My marriage failure was to do my ex, not me. My brothers have grown into personalities of their own. One is very short tempered and drinks too much. He's also a complete *** hole to his wife. One is lazy as hell, he treats his wife and kids affectionately but he refuses to work or parent.

The situations we're in affect us only if we let them. As for marriage and parenting goes one is unpredictable the other is a personal comfort zone.

You may be with someone for years before you realize it's just not working out. It may be you, it may be them, it may even be mutual failure.

The parenting part is just something you have to feel. If you think you can handle it or not AND if you trust your partner to as well.

All the books in the world are no match for the randomness of being human. I think the Rubik's cube does a better job of explaining it. You are who you are regardless of the situation at any point in time.

Throw the self help books out!

People are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Sometimes it is to learn 'how not to be'.
Sometimes it is to learn 'to walk away'


Just ask yourself what you deserve & what you will & will not tolerate. And just live without over analyzing.

well, if nothing else, it shows you what you don't want within your life..
Just because a parent is not the best, doesn't mean you will be the same..
Know yourself and what you want and can live with and carry on from there..Where you come from doesn't indicate where you are going..

Alabe.com provides pretty good readings.

Am I a bad person?
Im average. I have bad attributes.
But I also have good ones.
In my opinion I am a bad daughter though.
It took me many years to contact my parents again.

Every adult knows what is right & wrong,
but mostly it is the application that I am
concern about.

Whether we admit it or not,
our past is what made us who
we are now.But it is also not
something to be ashamed of.

U peg me right on that,
I am mindful of what makes me
who I am now,
but it still remains to be seen
if I would indeed let my past
affect me being a woman that I am now.
Or how it will affect me, if I will
become a wife or a mother someday:)

Thank u for the input.
I appreciate that u approach my OP
as a man instead of a male psychologist:)

Goes to say that what u are implying is,
it would still depend on me & the person
I will choose to become my partner.
But I have always wondered the probability:)

Anyway, books are good. It gives u an explanation
why others behaves as such.
Sometimes, a woman just wonders
if she will be fit to be a good wife or a nurturing mother.
Or will I be better off as being single.

I like rubiks cube too.
But there are just things that are
too important, to just base on logic
& intelligence.
There are just important things,
that mind, heart & soul should in
be in one first before a person will
make life changing decision

I have made good and bad choices in life, I have also learned from these.(most of the time)
I am divorced, yet that does not make my decision to get married.. Wrong, it means we
Did not blend as well as we had once thought....

I believe I am a good mother, I have 4 adult children, and 3 grandbabies..

I use to ask myself, why, how come,,,and how the hell do I change this...

I have learned, that the only person who can make me happy, is me.. From
There I am able to move forward, and live life to the fullest..

Knowing that is all I do, I have done my best.

I have disappointed my mother a many of times growing up, she has been gone from this
Life for 30 years now...I hope she is looking upon me, and smiling at the woman I have become..

I grow daily, faltere and start again...

Life is amazing, when we stop analyzing everything we do, or don't do.

Namaste

I am a bit sentimental
with regards to my books,
I canot throw them out

"People are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime"
- I agree word for word on this^^^

"Sometimes it is to learn 'how not to be'"

- I learn not to be comfortable with alcohol.
Only 1 bottle of beer after river trekking
or if I have lasagna or pizza for dinner,
if I run out of red wine.

- I learn not to be mindful if I took a different path
than others. I admit it is not the fastest way,
nor the easiest way,nor the most effective way,
but it is the path I choose that I am sure,
I will not lose myself in the process & give in to
other people's demand of how I should live my life.

I want to do it my own way SassyEuro2.

I wanted to get an honest opinion of others,
who are already ahead of me in experience,
regarding marriage & parenting.
Did their past make a more direct impact to them
or their childhood experience.

I pride myself, that I am one of those people
that can filter out honest opinions from
mischief & ridicule.
or from some preposterous off mark suggestions
to ridiculous insignificant/inconsequential garbages
that I cant understand & could not apply or relate
in my life.

I really can filter out SassyEuro2, not dead on
but after thinking it over and staying away from
politics.
Too misleading & confusing to follow in there.

Being in mingle forum actually gives me
enough input than reading books for so many years.
Interacting with them, makes me learn things
I only wonder on books.

"Sometimes it is to learn 'to walk away' "

-I am good at walking away without
looking back SassyEuro2.
10 years or 15 years is too short a
time to communicate again, if I choose
to walk away from people I love.

"Just ask yourself what you deserve & what you will & will not tolerate. And just live without over analyzing. "

- I love this very much ^^^
I really can learn from this.
I am still working hard to achieve this^^^

Thank u.

Thank u Ma'am

Yes, I am particular with
what I do not want in my life.

I will not really mind if I will be
not the best mother or best wife,
just as long as I will not
fail my future child or future husband,
I think Im already good with it.
I always like just being average

Your last 2 lines are so full of wisdom Ma'am,
I like it very much.

Thank u.

I checked it Sir.
Astrology software, it says.
I am not interested in reading it,
I dont have the time too.

Thank u for the suggestion though.

(sigh) I love your reply post very much Ma'am

I prefer to savor it, dwell on it and smile about it,
instead of commenting on it.

Thank u very much

As I read many of your posts, you are truly a beautiful person.... There is no guide book to life
We all make mistakes and disappoint those we love, I believe we have to forgive ourselves in
Order to move forward..

So breathe and enjoy life,, what will be will be...Namaste