Ok - preface here is that I consider myself to be a simple guy who likes to understand... everything, I suppose.

Been reading the forums and such, and the oddest question came to mind. Why do people assume that Know (capital standing for Ultimate Truth) what the other sex is thinking?

For example, a recent post I was exchanging in included a number of comments along the lines of "Men don't want stable women no matter how much they claim to because men need to be in control" or "women just care about fashion mags and their nails"

I'm paraphrasing, of course. But I'm curious what level of arrogance - or bitterness - it takes to categorically declare that All men or women behave a certain way because of a sex-specific motive, when one is not a member of that sex.

As a further question, isn't it a bit angsty to assume that there are no exceptions to a rule? Or is there something here I'm not seeing?

Any thoughts appreciated.

Unfortunately as mere humans it only seems to take one bad apple to assume that the whole tree is bad. I try to take each person on an individual basis, however, I too catch myself waiting for what they're gonna do to screw me over... even when I KNOW that they aren't going to. I ran from a very wonderful guy a few months ago for the simple fact of being scared that he was about to screw me over b/c things were going so WELL... sad huh?

Well, I've made similar mistakes - though you're right, it's upsetting when we let something trip us. But I've always understood that it's my experience with specific apples and not the whole tree that trip me. Surely most people must realize that, at some level.

It can be angsty but I also find it to be a bit of arrogance as well (not just on the side of men, trust me.) Bitterness? hm, I'd definitely say yes, it takes some too. I've often thought the same things though.

IMAO I think it is a protective measure lots of ppl employ. If they can convince themselves that every member of the opposite sex is bad...then they are justified in their bitterness, in their envy of those who are "coupled", and in their unhappiness. I personally judge each person on wht I know of them, or discern from communicating with them. There are some very general groupings of each sex, which might be true in most cases, but, the exceptions are usually about the same in number as the grouping

*grins* That's been my observation as well, willy_cents - though I wasn't sure if I could justify it as just protection. I always felt like there had to be something more driving statements like that.

glitterybee, I guess the question I'd ask you is along a different line. Is there anything you've seen that provokes that reaction from people? *laughs* ok, so that question could be for everyone, but I thought of it reading your post ;-)

As I grow older, I find many answers to old questions changing, but I have trouble imagining a time when I could make a negative sweeping judgement of an entire racial or sexual group. Do you think people grow into those views during their adulthood, or do you think we learn them from our elders and friends when we're younger?

I think that they develop those views on a situational occurence basis. They get div, or widowed, or break up, or just rejected by someone...and from thence comes the "hate all members of the opposite sex" viewpoint. Funny thing is, when they meet another that they are attracted to.if their previous statements do not get them...all is forgotten. Generally, i think, they are trying to insulate themselves from any type of emotional involvement with others of the opposite sex...while trying desparately to attract one. quite a paradox.

It's shorthand -- much easier to say "All men are ___________" or "All women want ___________" or whatever than to take the time to get to know individuals as separate people with separate identities and likes and dislikes and hopes and fears and dreams and desires and aspirations.

I notice, a lot of times, it's also a sort of a defense mechanism -- i.e., a sort of pseudosubconscious "My rationale for not dealing with such-and-such gender is because they're all the same anyway, so why waste my time."

Is it laziness, or shallowness? Probably a little of both.

I have known so many jaded people, I guess.

or is it an escape mechanism, perhaps. They can escape from their feelings; lonliness, bitterness, whatever, by blaming them on the opposite sex?

I think maybe people do it to cope with the hurt they've been through, like willy_cents suggested.

Does it have anything to do with that particular persons perception of the opposite sex, probably based on experience?

possibly so future, perception is the operative word there. the only thing that really matters to us is our perceptions...right or wrong. And, those perceptions are based solely upon our experiences, and interpretations of them. That is what part of the "baggage" we carry from one relationship to another consists mainly of. How succcessful our next relationships are depends upon how we analyze and rationalize that 'baggage"

yup...what Willy said...

That's an interesting conclusion. Sounds like the kind of thing I used to argue in my old perception vs reality debates

I did want to toss off a quick apology, though. From your reply, glitterybee, it struck me as if you might think I was remarking on one of your posts directly. I just wanted to say most of the posts I've seen from you don't have the kinds of statements in them I was worried about. I do apologise if I didn't make that plain - sometimes my phrasing gets a little indistinct when I'm tired.

Don't worry about it, I didn't think so at all.

In response to the op, the answer can be found in one word, Bitterness. We all shape and form what happens in our lives by the choices we make. None of us are innocent, In every bad relationship, there are two participants. While one may be more at fault than the other, neither party is 100% innocent. The key here, is being able to admit to oneself,"i'm at least partly to blame" Just because a relationship doesn't work out, does not mean the Gender is accountable. I'm not DR. Phil, and i don't hold a degree, but that seems pretty basic to me. A good analogy here, is, say you buy a ford. (ok...i'm a chevy guy lol) but in anything, what you put into it, is what you gain from it. If you don't nurture it, then it will fail you. So, is it the car makers fault? No, but will the owner blame ford? or themselves? I submit that it's easier to lay blame, without looking into your own conscience. I agree with Tarnakk, To generalize a gender, is simply ridiculous. In all my time, and all my relationships, I would honestly have to say...I made some mistakes, is this the fault of all women? get my point?

I guess that makes sense. I think the part about it that bothers me the most is that it means that the person has to lie to themselves about their past to reach that point.

*laughs* Now, I'll admit, I've done my share of lying in my life. But rarely to myself. I've always made the assumption that I'm the one person I can't fool with a lie, because I know the truth.

And I guess that's what I don't understand. How could someone lie to themselves about their involvement in any type of communications breakdown? *laughs* Well, lie to themselves Convincingly, I should say ;-). I guess I just don't have experience incorporating a lie into my own memory.

And thanks, bee - I was affraid I'd managed to be obnoxious after only a week on the site ;-)

hmmmmm. Never thought of it in respect to lying to themselves. That could be true. Lying is just one step further than rationalizing...and I was never good at the latter , and a failure at the first....lol

Lying, as in keeping an illusion alive within their fragile self esteem? Hmm..interesting thought.